Colors [Yoonmin]

34.

"Your apartment is different than I envisioned." Jimin said, looking around the space.

A few images had crossed his mind when he thought about Yoongi's apartment. A plain white four walled space, no decorations, no tv and only one couch that was definitely not the vision he had.

"You expected it to be painted black?"

"For starters, yes."

"I tried. The person that rents it does not allow me to. He's kind of a dick."

"Well, what about the lack of curtains and furniture? The person doesn't let you have that either? You should really consider moving if he's not allowing you to have basic necessities."

"What's the point? I spent my days in the hospital where I have a bed to sleep in, free cafeteria food, a shower and clean clothes."

"Still, it looks icky." Jimin mumbled. Something about everything being so empty made him feel uncomfortable. No wonder Yoongi didn't ever want to go home.

"You think this looks icky? Take a look over here." He smirked with a teasing voice.

Jimin followed him behind, wondering what the hell he was going to look at. When he entered Yoongi's room—or what he assumed was his room—he smiled.

"Okay, at least you have a curtain on your window and bed covers." He chuckled relieved.

Yoongi kicked off his shoes and jumped on his bed. It was pretty spacious for just him. Jimin wondered if he had brought people to stay over before. Even worse, if this was the same bed he used to sleep in with his husband.

"Don't worry. The bed is clean. I actually bought it a few months ago. I don't know what for since I don't even sleep here."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to be judgmental." Jimin apologized. He took off his shoes and slowly climbed on the bed next to him.

The bed was very soft and cold, but somehow Yoongi beside him radiated enough heat to overpower the shivers.

It was especially thrilling to share a bed with him. His mind was racing and so was his heart. At times it felt uncontrollable to manage his emotions when being around him.

Yoongi just drove him mad.

"It's okay. I don't tell you enough about me. I feel like you don't know me at all. I'm such a closed book." Yoongi admitted.

"I know you have a beautiful mind and that you're allergic to chili. As far as I'm concerned, that's enough information to fall in love with you."

Yoongi timidly smiled, "You know, I'm also allergic to a bunch of other shit. I might just give you a list."

"Please do. I would hate to accidentally kill you."

"Of course." He grinned.

"So, now I know you're allergic to everything, that your favorite color is basically black, that your cursive handwriting is awful because your habit of writing in all caps does not make it pretty. Oh! You can't stand when they serve tuna sandwiches for lunch and you always argue with the lunch lady even though it's really not up to her. You tend to bite your pen when you're trying to come up with a plan and it's a pretty bad habit that all of your pens have dints in them. Of course, when you get angry your eyes turn a darker brown and it makes it pretty evident you're annoyed."

Yoongi looked at him wide eyed. It always felt like he was the one observing Jimin and not vice versa. "Wow. I really do all that?" He asked, startled.

"Yes and much more. I watch you all the time." Jimin quickly blushed realizing how perverted and creepy his statement had sounded. "Not in a creepy way! I don't follow you around. I'm just an admirer."

"I don't mind at all. I'm your admirer too." He timidly admitted.

Jimin smiled at himself, satisfied. He couldn't help
thinking of Yuta's words. Everyone knows except you two.

"My birthday is March 9th by the way. Since I know your birthday I feel like you should know mine. I'm thirty years old and I once had my nipples pierced. Rebellious stage." He shook his head embarrassed.

"A March baby...I like it and the nipple piercings don't sound too bad either."

"It hurt like a motherfucker. My body rejected the jewelry of course. A guy who's allergic to chili can't possibly tolerate jewelry." He rolled his eyes.

Jimin laughed, covering his mouth. The tiredness he had felt before leaving work was long gone. This is what he wanted to have everyday for the rest of his life.

No matter how sleep deprived he was, no matter how many shifts he had, at the end of the day—or the beginning—he wanted to come home to lay next to Yoongi.

It didn't even matter what they did. They could talk, they could laugh, they could cry. As long as they were together that's all Jimin wanted.

When his laughter slowly diminished, he noticed the plain walls once again. The bugging questions crawled from the back of his mind echoing loudly.

"What is it?" Yoongi asked. He could tell Jimin's face was clouded over with an unknown expression. His eyes were enigmatic. It was strange because Jimin was always so simple to read and yet there were times when he couldn't be read.

"Why don't you have any pictures of your husband? I'm sorry for asking. I'm just curious."

"I keep his pictures in an album. I don't like to put them on the walls. I don't even wear the band anymore...it's not that I don't miss him. I do. I just...things are different now. I'm not sure why but they just feel different." He sighed. He could feel his face heat spread all over his body.

"No, no, don't explain yourself. I understand. Just because you don't have his pictures on the walls does not mean you've forgotten him."

"It just feels wrong sometimes." He admitted. "To not think of him so frequently. It makes me feel selfish."

Jimin scooted closer to him and held his hand for support. He laid his head against his shoulder while humming softly.

"You shouldn't feel selfish. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want him to not seek happiness again?"

"No. I would want him to find love again."

"So why is it so hard to show yourself that same kindness?"

Yoongi was quiet. How could he explain something he couldn't understand? His tongue was not moving and his lousy thoughts were impairing.

"You don't have to tell me. You don't even have to talk. Just know that I'm here for you. I'll always be here."

Yoongi swallowed his nervousness down. The anxiety had gone down a lot with Jimin's kind words. What did he ever do to deserve him?

"I'm just afraid." He admitted.

Jimin closed his eyes and kissed the side of his neck. It was a quick peck. Suddenly, he could feel his drowsiness return.

"It'll be okay Yoongi. One day you won't be afraid anymore. One day you will let me be yours unconditionally. You'll see." He whispered assuringly.

Yoongi kept his eyes open for a few more minutes. Until his mind slowly started evaporating every negative thought. All the anxiety slowly diminished into nonexistence and his eyelids got heady.

For the first time in years, he was able to rest without the loud thoughts booming in his head. The silence was so calming and so soothing.

Silence had never felt so good.