Drowning

Chapter Thirty-Four

I don't know what I was thinking. Punch. Why did I do that? Punch. Why was I so freaking stupid. Punch. I ruined it. Punch. How could I tell him all that? Punch. And I've only known him for almost two months. Punch

I take the wraps off my hand, frustrated. Punching the bag doesn't seem to help. I don't know what went through my mind last night, to first kiss the guy, then go to sleep next to the guy, to then tell him my life story. My brain is a turmoil and I was going insane, now the only thing that usually helps me doesn't. This is great, just great.

I couldn't sleep after what happened, and even though Aiden tried to stay awake he eventually fell asleep. A few hours after that, I made the cowardly decision to leave. I left him a note with his keys and told him to help himself to whatever he wanted. I know I'm a fucking hypocrite for running. I always prided myself for confronting my problems but I don't know why I left, ok? I just knew I had to get out of there. I felt like everything was closing in on me and not sleeping and having all that time to think with Aiden by my side didn't help my matter, it only stressed me out more. So I decided to come to the gym and punch a bag. Which clearly didn't work either. I'm not this type of person, I don't open up to people, because I already have my people and not even them know what happened almost twelve years ago, the only one that does is Mariana and now him.

I never regretted telling Mariana, because she never treated me differently after that. But Aiden, he was sweet which he rarely is, and I'm almost certain that the pity is coming. I don't have to see him anymore which makes me ignore him better. I already signed the paperwork, the case is closed, now we just part ways and go on with life. I didn't want it to be this way, I enjoyed his company, enjoyed spending time with him. We kissed and I only wanted more, but now I shared my sob story and he'll probably see me as a pity case. This is why I don't tell many people about my life, because growing up people only saw me like I was going to burst at any moment, and I'm stronger than that. Im not a bomb people should be waiting to detonate, I'm better than that, and if someone is going to see me differently it is because of who I am not because of what happened to me.

It's been almost two hours since I left the apartment, but it's still early. It's almost seven. I re-wrap my hands, and start punching again. I'm going to give him more time to leave, I need to be sure that he's left. No matter how shitty I feel about it, it's better this way, I cant see him again.

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I eventually made my way to the apartment and thankfully he wasn't there. I took a quick shower and headed to the office. I needed to get my head off all that happened and if the gym didn't do it for me, then I knew working would. And so far things have been steady. I haven't had time to get away from my computer, answering emails, preparing for my trip and handling everything with the new app.

I was writing an email to the event planner for Mariana's engagement party when Alice said, "Ms. Callaghan, Mr. Black is here to see you,"

Are you serious? Why is he here? I know leaving this morning was probably not the best move on my part but I didn't expect him to come here. I still haven't changed my mind about not letting whatever we were go further. "Let him in," I told her and seconds later, Aiden was walking through my door.

He looks great. Even better than usual if that's possible. With his hair styled back, his crisp suit, his powerful stance.

"I was just picking up the last few things from the office here, and came to drop this by," he says, coming closer and putting a manila folder on my desk.

"What's that?" I said taking and opening the folder.

"Non disclosure agreements and the resolution agreement from Millers Media," he says and I nod, "thank you,"

He doesn't say your welcome, but he doesn't make a move to leave either. I look up to see him and find him already looking at me. This was a really bad idea.

"Are we going to talk about it?" he asks after what feels like a silent eternity.

"I think we should-" he cuts me off, "You left me in your apartment this morning," and the only thing I do is let out a sigh.

"I don't know Aiden, what do you want me to tell you?"

"Perhaps start with the reason that you left, and don't call me Aiden," I stand up and round my desk leaning on it in front of him.

"I needed to go to the gym," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Bullshit," he says starting to get closer, "That's bullshit and you know it Valentina,"

"Aiden," I sighed out.

"Don't call me fucking Aiden," he says caging me in between himself and my desk making me remember last night when he looked into my eyes, my real colored eyes. This isn't a good idea. I feel my tremor starting to form and I clutch the desk behind me, right now is not the fucking time. Aiden's eyes fall to my hand and then to my eyes.

"What's going on, Valentina?"

"You should leave," I told him.

"You're backing out," he says furrowing his brows. "After last night you're backing out. Are you serious?" He searches for my eyes, but I don't look at him.

"You should leave," I repeat.

"You're not doing this, after the kiss, after..." he starts but doesn't say it. I know what he's trying to say but he doesn't say it,"I'm not letting you walk out on this,"

"on what? on this? there was never a 'this." I tell him, starting to get defensive, but he doesn't deserve that, so I take a breath and continue. "Just leave you don't really have a choice here" I say finally meeting the green eyes that I was going to miss so much.

"Tell me I wasn't the only one that felt something with that kiss Valentina, tell me I wasn't the only one," You weren't the only one, I thought but I don't say that. Instead I stay quiet and keep looking at him.

He looks at me searching for an answer and it breaks my heart. He slams his hands beside me on the desk, I don't even flinch."Dammit," he said before letting me go and walking to the door.

Before Aiden gets to the door he turns to look one more time, "No matter how much you try and convince yourself otherwise, I know you want it Valentina."

And I couldn't stop myself from asking with a raised brow, "how would you know?"

He stalks towards me again, a completely different look in his eyes, a dangerous look, "Because last night, when you were siting on me, and I shoved my tongue into your mouth and made you moan for me, I was damn fucking sure that what we did was anything but ground breaking ." he grabs my chin and slightly angles it higher, "You wanted it as much as I did, and soon enough you will fucking admit it." he says, letting go of my chin and walking out.