attraction.

Always You. 2/8

Park Chaeyoung doesn't believe in living life with regrets. She's a firm believer that every action has consequences and that it was a person's duty to live by it. The decision to end things with Jeon Jungkook wasn't easy, but it was one that she knew was the right decision considering the circumstances. They had been fighting too much and barely even had time for each other and even when they did at strange hours of the night, they'd be too tired and tense wondering if they were being followed.

Her older sister told her that love takes hard work, but she wondered for so long whether it was meant to be this hard, to the extent that she could barely find any joy in the things she did.

But Park Chaeyoung has a lot of regrets because as much as she felt as though she could suddenly breathe freely without being caught or harmed by his sasaeng, her heart longed for him endlessly. He was after all, her first love.

Her true love.

Park Chaeyoung never doubted that he was perfect for her, that he was her soulmate.

But she knew that love was meant to be more than just fear and anxiety.

And he too, deserved something more.

Park Chaeyoung tries hard to be okay, knowing that even from a far, he was likely worrying for her. She made the conscious decision to smile when she was in public and speak with a sense of effervescence whenever possible, but the minute she'd get home, she'd cry herself to sleep. It wasn't his fault, it wasn't within his control that there were fans who would take things too far, yet somehow—she felt hurt, she felt anger and she felt like his career was ripping her heart out of her chest. If those fans could love him endlessly to the brink of trespass, why couldn't she just love him right? She hates it. Park Chaeyoung hates the life they've chosen, the life they refuse to surrender.

Being an idol isn't easy.

One year.

Had it really been a year since their story ended?

Park Chaeyoung is reminded by an old snapchat reminder, showing a picture of her with her smile on her face, excited to see her boyfriend after a month apart due to the death threats.

She thinks about how hard it was for her to not send a text or call on his birthday, or the first Christmas they spent apart. One year felt like the worst year of her life, even harder than the times she spent as a trainee in a foreign country with no support or friends. In a year, she somehow grew more bitter with the world, bitter at life. She became the woman that she promised not to be in their last real conversation.

Park Chaeyoung remembers the phone call she made, crying, telling him that she was in too much pain and that she needed to stop contacting him. Cold turkey. No more well wishes, no more small talk. She couldn't bear the pain any longer. And he told her, to promise him, to never grow bitter at love, because she deserved one that was right.

They find themselves in an award show tonight and he's sitting behind her. It feels wrong, to be so close yet not to be able to look at him. She turned her head around, ponytail swayed against her shoulder as she pretends to look at fans, but she knows, he's not looking at her. Park Chaeyoung knows her ex-boyfriend well and even from her peripheral vision she knows he's not looking at her, he's almost frozen in place.

Had he really forgotten about her?

The girls told her that she looked beautiful. He always liked it when her hair was tied up and silver always made her creamy flesh pop, and despite the plethora of compliments from idols both female and male, she felt unwanted.

Park Chaeyoung has never felt so alone.

The other girls decide to go to the afterparty, which she politely skips.

"Let us at least drop you off at the dorm," Jisoo Kim suggests, "... we'll come home early to make sure you're not alone."

She really appreciated the girls. Park Chaeyoung is thankful for such a loyal group of friends. The girls had gotten close to the other male group in their time dating, but ever since the break-up, they limited all contact despite her telling them that it was completely fine.

"I'm going to visit my family so just go home without me, I haven't seen Alice in so long," she tells the girls, a lie, "... you don't need to worry about me, just have fun."

"Are you sure?" Lalisa Manoban questions.

She nods, "... go. I'm going to the toilet first."

Giving the other girls hugs she quickly runs to the toilet, crying, knowing that everyone was too busy dispersing from the arena to bother checking. She let's her heart out until a knock on the door takes her by surprise.

"Chaeyoung," she knows the voice even from afar, "... it's me, are you okay?"

She doesn't respond.

"Chaeyoung."

The woman gets up and wipes her tears with the back of her palms, patting on the patchy concealer marks under her eyes before taking a deep breath. When she opens the door, she sees him standing there, his face full of concern.

"I saw you running to the toilet, were you crying?" He asks her with concern before taking off his brown coat and putting it over her, "... you must be cold, you were never good with the air conditioning around here."

"Why are you here? We decided—not to talk to one another again," she does her best to talk despite her voice breaking.

She sounded weak, and she hated it. But a part of her was thankful to know that he still cared. 

She still mattered to him, even if it were just a small amount.

"Where are the other girls, you shouldn't be alone," he tells her.

She knows he hated it when she was alone.

"I'm okay," she tells him, "... you should go, I'm sure the boys are worried for you. I heard the after party is going to be a lot of fun."

"Are you going back to the dorm?" He questions her, causing her to nod, "... then let me take you back, I'm not going to the party anyway, I have a morning flight tomorrow."

Before she could decline, he has his hand locked with hers, dragging her through the dark passages back-stage.

Park Chaeyoung doesn't dare to stop him.

She misses him.

It had been too long since she felt the warmth of his hand against her, the tenderness of her voice against her ear and she didn't have the strength to deny it.