Conceited [H.S.]

FORTY-ONE

**TW: talk of substance use/addiction**

Chapter Songs:

Lovely by Billie Eilish (with Khalid)

Hard Sometimes by Ruel

...

ANDREA WILSON

Harry is nearly a zombie following behind me as I drag him up the stairs of the top floor of my apartment building. He leaned his head on mine the entire ride up on the elevator, and I think making him change into a pair of sweatpants just made him sleepier.

I pull his hand to follow me up the last few steps as I push the entrance door to the roof open, and I nod my head for him to walk in front of me so I can make sure that the door doesn't slam behind us. He walks past me with a tired and confused expression as I quietly shut the heavy door behind us.

He patiently waits for me to explain what exactly we are doing up here, but I just walk past him in hopes that he will continue following me. Thankfully, he does.

Despite the amount of anxiety mixed with a strange sort of adrenaline coursing through me right now, I feel confident in my decision. I know that this wasn't going to be necessarily exciting for me, but even with the feeling of trepidation, I know that this is the right choice.

I may be ashamed of certain parts of my life considering how horrible I was at times to people who simply wanted to help me get better, but I can also be proud of myself for the progress that I have made. Whether or not Harry sees it that way too is completely up to him.

My hands move to rest in the pockets of the jackets I put on to make sure that I would stay warm, my fingers brushing against the keychain full of my sobriety chips.

It's about four in the morning, and as much as I'd love to put this off for a time that isn't nearly the middle of the night, I know myself. I would talk myself out of it based on my own fear of rejection.

He has never been judgmental of me, in any aspect of my life. Which is more than I can say about Jo lately. Someone who I have trusted the most over the past few years of my life is suddenly making me question my friendship with her. I'm starting to feel as if Harry is my best friend rather than Jo at this point.

I don't have to question my actions when I'm with Harry or feel the need to censor myself in certain situations when I'm with him. With Harry, I feel as if we have so much in common when it comes to not being the best at communicating or being upfront and honest in what would be considered the conventional way.

It's a bit hard to explain, but sometimes just how open he manages to be through music, and even with me, that night in his backyard managed to scare me. I haven't been completely open with anyone in years, so feeling the actual want to show him is enough to put me in a state of slight shock and awe.

I walk over to the edge of the building and jump up to sit on the ledge that is a couple of feet wide. My left leg hangs off the edge as my other is resting beneath me bent so my foot is tucked under me. I've always hated having both of my feet hanging off the edge for some reason, it's just more daunting.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Harry asks me in a worried tone, and he grabs onto my arm to make sure I don't fall off or lose my balance in any way.

The chances of me falling off in this position are highly unlikely, and I've sat up here like this a million times before. I laugh softly at his reaction as I settle into my spot.