Conceited [H.S.]

EIGHTY-ONE

Chapter Song: 20 Something by SZA

...

ANDREA WILSON

"Happy birthday, dear Andrea," the three voices in front of me sing out enthusiastically.

I've always hated this part of birthdays. I have nothing else to do besides awkwardly stare at them as they sing to me.

The smile on my face feels like it has gone from convincing to noticeably forced.

It's not that I'm not enjoying the relaxing birthday, but I cannot stand sitting here while three people sing happy birthday to me. It's awkward, and I don't know what the hell to do with my hands. I've moved them a ridiculous amount of times throughout this short song.

Not to mention, I have no idea who to look at. There are three of them in front of me, and I've just shifted my focus between them equally.

One is my family member, and the other two are my best friends, yet it felt weird each time my gaze met theirs.

In my defense, I told them that singing to me was unnecessary. They insisted.

"Happy birthday to you," they all drag out the last word for a foolishly long time.

Noah's voice noticeably cracks in the midst of his attempt to be a professional singer, forcing the room to fill with genuine, loud laughter instead of off-key voices. As Jo and Oliver move to lean on each other in their fit of laughter, Noah's cheeks turn a bright red, and his smile disappears.

I cover my face to try and muffle my laughs, but I can't help it.

"Fuck you, guys," Noah mutters under his breath, "You're lucky it's your birthday. Blow out your candles," he instructs me with a whine when my nearly closed eyes look his way.

It takes a few seconds until I can control my laughter enough to look at the candles, but I already know that my mind will draw a blank. I don't necessarily think that any wish I make will come true, but it's fun to feed into the idea.

Jo and Oliver attempt to contain themselves quickly, and they hold back their lingering laughter while waiting for me to blow out the candles.

I look up at the three of them one more time, and I can't help but feel a strange pit in my stomach as I do so.

Even after nearly two months, my eyes still automatically search for him in each room I enter.

It doesn't feel right...not having him here. I've never looked forward to my birthday necessarily, but this year I thought it would be fun to celebrate with him. I never wanted to do anything excessive, but a part of me wishes he were here.

Waking up this morning by myself in my apartment was not how I expected to start today, but I pushed through and did it anyway.

It got easier when everyone arrived around nine in the morning, but Oliver and Jo both work tonight, so it'll just be Noah and me after three p.m.

The three of them patiently wait for me to make a wish, and I start to disassociate when I watch the flames flicker in front of me.

There are a million things that I could wish for at this moment. Well, attempt to wish for, at least. My mind just can't pinpoint one of the possibilities to choose from.

The pit in my stomach continues to grow as my mind wanders to what might have been if Harry were here with me.

It was terrible going to bed alone last night, and I couldn't figure out why. At first, it wasn't challenging to get used to sleeping without him because he was gone for six weeks before we broke up, but now the breakup has started to settle in. Along with the thoughts of possibly regretting my choice.