Conceited [H.S.]

FORTY-FOUR

Chapter Song: We Got Something They Don't by Shania Twain

...

HARRY STYLES

To say that I was stressed about Andrea coming over to properly spend time with two of my closest friends was an understatement.

I spent fucking hours cleaning my entire house, from the kitchen to my bedroom, as if she's never been here before. Mitch and Sarah have been nothing but excited since I invited them over, but I've been nearly ripping my hair out wondering whether or not the three of them will instantly connect the same way Andrea and I have. I was stuck thinking about what would happen if they weren't to get along, or what I would have to do if there was just awkward silence the moment she got here. My mind kept overthinking the fact that I stopped closing all the doors in my house, besides my studio. Mitch told me how stupid it was of me to say that I trusted her without having the actions to prove it.

Being on my own after years of being open, I finally felt in control of who was able to know the real me, to know the most private and personal parts of myself. It's been terrifying to want to share those parts of myself with Andrea. I've questioned her intentions and her character despite how much she has shown me that she doesn't want to hurt me. She doesn't break me down like others have done for years for their own benefit.

As much as I have disliked the fact that I question her, I know it's simply a defensive behavior, one that Mitch hasn't been afraid to point out to me if I happen to overdo it from time to time. I've always loved him for that.

From time to time I find myself continuing to question whether or not my attraction to Andrea is something that is good for me...if it's something that I should welcome or push away from, and whether she's someone that I should keep in my life.

The chance of getting hurt makes me want to pull away, almost as if I'm playing a game of poker and I'm afraid to lose. But then I see her, and all those doubts fade away.

I see the person that I've started to become since she's come into my life, and it's someone that I've come to love. Someone who pays attention to the small details of her face and her personality and hangs on to her every word as if I may never hear it again. Someone who practices phrases in French to try and impress her one day, but I never have to guts to say them out loud in fear of mispronouncing a word. I find myself being a person that writes down a lyric or plays a melody on an instrument of my choice and wonders whether or not she would like it. Someone who is genuinely happy.

She helps me start to feel comfortable in my true self and encourages me to express myself in whichever way that I choose to.

I know that I've made changes in her life as well, but I didn't know that I'd managed to have the same effect on her until Jo gave me the protective best friend speech last night. One that made me happy to know that her best friend wants nothing but the best for her.

She told me how Andrea always perks up whenever she talks about me or hears someone else mention me, and how she defends my name even when I'm not around. Something that strangely made me feel secure in our relationship. She told me that even though Andrea isn't completely open about what happens between us, she can see that Andrea considers me to be an important and close friend in her life. That despite not being the biggest fan of Andrea being private about our friendship at first, she now realizes that it's out of respect for me. Something that I was quite surprised to hear from Jo but appreciated at the same time.

She also apologized for having a negative attitude towards me despite not personally knowing me. I understood, considering she doesn't want Andrea to get hurt, and I was quick to assure her that we both don't want that to happen.