N A M I
"Can we talk?" I heard him say.
Denver with his ever-so-manly voice.
I already knew it cannot be good because people only ask for permission to talk when they know that there is a possibility for the discussion to end badly.
The last time he asked if we could talk was when he admitted to me that he still wasn't over Mads despite already being in a relationship with me.
Now, three years later... and here we are again.
I hugged him even tighter, pressing my head harder against his chest like I have done countless times when we slept together these past years.
"Don't say it," I begged, knowing what's to come. "Don't say it. I don't want to hear it."
"Nami..." he whispered.
I shook my head. "No," I insisted.
"Our time's up—"
"I said don't, Denver!" I cried.
He licked his lips and said in his most soothing tone, "We tried, Nams."
I shook my head profusely. "No," I whispered, sitting up and turning my back on him. "I tried, but you didn't! So, no! I said I don't want to hear it, so, I don't want to hear it!"
He gripped my arm, and I could feel the tremors on his hand caused by his neuropathy.
I don't wanna walk out and leave him like this. He's having a bad night, and he probably missed his meds again.
I let in a lot of breath and tried to calm myself down, but I couldn't stop my tears from falling.
"We had an agreement. A thousand days. We're already at a thousand and nine. We are more than a week overdue," he stated.
I know.
"That agreement means nothing, Denver. You wouldn't have broken up with me two weeks ago," I whispered, facing him. "Bumalik lang naman si Mads kaya nakikipaghiwalay ka ngayon."
He let go of his hold on my arm and let his hand drop on the bed.
"Nami..." he whispered. "Don't waste a thousand more on me."
"I'm not wasting anything on you."
"You are."
"No, I'm not."
"You are, Nams."
"Why can't you just love me back?" I asked him desperately. "Is it really that impossible?"
Our eyes met and he smiled at me sadly. "You know I love you."
I looked away from him. "But it's not enough," I spat out, standing up and wiping my tears. "You will always love her more. No matter what I do, and no matter hard I try... she still owns all of you, and I'm only begging for her scraps."
***
"Sasabihin ko sanang 'alak lang 'yan' pero hindi ka nga pala umiinom," bulong ni Bryan.
