Shred Of Hearts [COMPLETED]

Chapter 31

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Ciane

I am scared.

I can literally feel the pounding of my pulse in my head. The raw fear churning at the pits of my stomach and bubbling up to my chest. 

Am I really doing this? Am I really going back?

The thoughts of the things that man has done to me rushes through my eyes giving me a vivid and gory details of all the things that had gone wrong in the past. The scars littering my back, thighs, hands and face being a constant reminder of the beast that lurks just a few miles away from me.

A new wave of fear flows through every part of me as memory after memory flood my mind. I had not anticipated to feel this scared, to feel this lost. I have trained since I came here and I know I'm better than I was before, both physically and emotionally but the thought of that man sends a cold shiver down my spine. Am I ready to face him? Am I ready to go back? Am I ready to look him in the eye? The same eyes that had found pleasure in my pain, the ones that had grinned as I bled at his feet? The answer is simple, no.

I cannot possibly go back. I cannot go back to that torment, to that place that left too many scars in me. The place that almost shattered who I am, if it hasn't already.

I stare at the small duffle bag clutched between my hands containing a few of my items. Tears begin to gather in my eyes as I imagine how horrible it's going to be when I meet him, when I come face to face with him. The fear bubbles further at the pits of my stomach and I swallow thickly trying to keep the pain down.

"Ciane, are you okay?" The voice sounds so far away as if I'm drowning, which I feel I am. Drowning in my fears, pain and agony.

"Hey, Ciane." Hands are placed on my shoulder, and my chin is lifted. The tears finally slipping down my eyes. Why am I crying? My eyes makes out Christian figure right in front of me and the concerned look etched on his face.

"Are you okay?" He whispers. Am I okay? No I am not.

"No, I am not okay." I state, my eyes flowing with tears. I don't understand why am crying. Why are my tears falling rapidly down my eyes? It has been more than a year since I saw that horrible man and yet now I feel just as vulnerable as the time I was with him.

"I don't want to go back." I sob pathetically. This isn't me. I'm not someone who cries over every silly little thing but I cannot seem to stop it no matter how hard I try.

The fear of seeing him, seeing everyone in that pack. The pack that left me to suffer on my own, the pack that enjoyed my fears and did nothing to help me, to save me from the torment, the abuse, the torture.

"I don't want to see him, to see them all! How am I supposed to deal with all that, to deal with him! What if he wants to hurt me again, to use me? I cannot go back! I can't!" My breath stutters in my throat as I hiccup embarrassingly.

"Hey hey come here!" Christian doesn't hesitate to pull me to his chest and leads us back to the living room. He pulls me closer to him, hugging me tightly.

I have never thought of how I'd feel when I go back. How disgusting it will feel if he touches me knowing that the same hands had tried to pry my clothes off, the same hands had tortured me, the same hands had hurt me.