Shana and I helped the guys clean up some more before leaving. And I can't wait to wash the smell of the party off me.
"You made out with Chris Cornell," Shana remembers as she keeps her eyes on the road.
"We kissed," I clarify. I sing along to Pearl Jam's Jeremy, that's currently blasting on the radio.
"Do you know how many women would sacrifice themselves to be kissed by him?"
"That's sad," I said sarcastically. "It's not like I expected him to kiss me or anything. I was singing to him, and then next thing I know-"
"Excuse me, you what?" Shana gasps as she stops at a red light. Her wide eyes stare at me in shock.
"I sang Donna Summer to him," I tell her, embarrassment washing over me again.
Shana slowly sinks into her seat but quickly regains focus when the light turns green.
"And when's the wedding?"
"Stop," I laugh, shaking my head.
"Come on, you two would make a cute couple," Shana pleads.
"You think so?"
"Hell yeah! You're hot. He's hot. Trust me; he needs a Black woman by his side."
"Don't they all?" I joke. "And he has a girlfriend remember...I shouldn't be worried about dating anyway," I add, dismissing the idea.
"Who says you have to date? Fuck! Have fun!"
"I'm too sensitive for that," I admit.
"Okay, Miss old-fashioned."
"Not hooking up is old-fashioned?"
"Yes, you need to get in the times."
Rolling my eyes, I leaned forward and reached for the knob, raising the volume. Sing to me, Eddie!
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
The phone is ringing off the hook once Shana and I step into the apartment. She hurries to the phone as I go towards my room.
I untie my heels and kick them off my feet. I sadly gave Layne his flip-flops back to him, knowing it would have been creepy if I tried to steal them. Ready to get my butt in the shower, I undress until I'm only in my bra and underwear and look for a fresh set of clothes to wear.
"Drea, it's ya mom!" Shana yells from the living room.
Oh, God.
I breathe before shutting my dresser and walking out of my room. Shana gives me an apologetic look before passing me the phone.
"Hey, ma," I tried to sound as cheerful as possible but to tell you the truth, I am nervous as hell. Ever since...you know...it's been awkward between my mother and me.
"Didn't I tell you to call me when you got there?" Eh, I know that voice. I stole something, and she's demanding an answer as to why.
"I'm sorry. Everything slipped my mind once I landed," I tried to laugh off.
"It still would have been nice to hear from you."
"I know..." I sigh, feeling guilty. Mothers are always good at that. Quickly, I try to change the subject. "I like it here, though."
"That's good. I hope this move will be good for you."
"Yeah, me too....Shana's apartment is beautiful. I wish you could see it. Maybe you can come up to visit sometime? It's rainy here, but I think you would like it. "
"...How are you feeling?" My mother then asks me, a slight nervousness in her tone.
"Good...I'm good. What about you?"
She ignores my questions and asks, "You thought about calling that doctor?"
"No," I sighed, sulking my body into the couch.
"I thought-" My mother begins.
"I don't need to talk to anybody...I'm fine."
"You don't try to hang yourself and then end up fine like nothing happened."
I close my eyes, and it's like I'm again in the bathroom in Boston. The belt is around my neck. Pressure builds in my head; a ringing strikes my ears. The longest minute ever until my mother found me, just like this phone call. I open my eyes and take a slow, careful breath.
"What do you want me to say?" I whisper into the phone, not wanting Shana to hear.
"I just want you to be okay. I just keep seeing you...hanging there," she sucks in a breath.
My eyelids droop heavily, and I want to hang up. I feel my body limp up again. Mmh floating. I miss that floating feeling. Maybe the pain was worth it.
"We don't have to talk about it," I say after the feeling gets a little too overwhelming.
"I feel like I need to."
"Maybe you should talk to someone," I suggest coldly. My eyes shut in pain. I knew she would have popped my mouth if I were in front of her.
A moment of tense silence passes between us. I want to say sorry but I can't.
"Give the phone back to Shana," She demands sternly. But then I hear her sniff a second later.
I motion for Shana to come over from the kitchen and hand the phone to her.
Shana gives me a concerned look, bringing the phone to her ear. "Yes?... Yes, I'm keeping an eye on her."
"Tell my mother I love her," I tell Shana before getting up from the couch and walking back to my room. I shut my door.
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
The talk with my mother made me feel like I was choking again. I don't know, but I feel like suicide shouldn't be discussed over the phone.
Still, in my panties and bra, I lay in my bed. I thought of the party last night to distract my mind from my eventful past.
I wonder what Chris felt before he kissed me. What would have happened if I had let him bring me home?
Even though I met him yesterday in my drunk state, I still remember his beautiful smile...and lips. Nobody ever took a kiss from me before...nobody ever wanted me before. Maybe I am lucky. I went from a girl who tried to kill herself to being kissed at a party by a hot guy.
Mmh. And then there's Layne.
I wonder how Layne's lips would feel like against mine. He looks like he would taste like cigarettes. But not in a disgusting way.
I let out a deep sigh, craving to be kissed again. No, just to be touched, held, and wanted. I know it wouldn't fix me, but it'll help distract the dark thoughts inside of me.
Maybe.
YOU ARE READING
Frogs
Fanfiction"You're the only sober person in my life. It feels like you were made for me?" he says, though it came out as a question rather than a statement. I smile and look at him. Layne is already staring at me, searching for understanding. Not knowing how...
