It has been about a month since the guys left for their tour. And I wasn't expecting saying goodbye to Layne to be so complicated.
A part of me was a little disappointed in our little overwhelming moment in the bathroom. Though I enjoyed it, my original plan was to take things slow. I know it wouldn't be what he is used to, but I just wanted to save myself from any future heartbreak.
We talked on the phone a few times, but it wasn't the same as speaking to him in person. I can't touch him. Ugh, I hate how much I'm starting to like him. It wasn't supposed to be this way.
A headache soon appeared as I overthought it. I jogged to the bathroom as Terri danced to an interactive kids' show in her walker. I quickly scanned the medicine cabinet, looking for some aspirin. A bottle catches my eye. Swallowing, I reach for it.
Ambien.
I haven't seen the bottle up close before. It's much smaller than what I expected. I always wanted to try sleeping pills....
The more I stared at the bottle, the more sweat ticked my forehead. I clear my throat, deciding.
I want it.
I want it now.
Twisting the bottle open, I took a handful and prayed that Tanya wouldn't notice. It took me a couple of seconds to find the aspirin. Once finding it, I grab it and go straight into the kitchen.
I feel the pills in both hands jiggle in my palms. It felt like payday.
First things first, as I enter the kitchen, I find a ziplock bag and put the Ambien in it. Before walking to the fridge to grab a water bottle, I threw the bag into my purse sitting on the counter.
I wipe the sweat off my forehead after completing my secret mission. I hear Terri's walker bouncing towards the kitchen. Before she entered, I popped an aspirin in my mouth and washed it with a big gulp of water.
Whew.
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"What do you want to do for your birthday?" Shana asks me. I stroke Melinda's hair as she lays her head on my lap, asleep, and think about my birthday coming up in a couple of days.
After work, Shana invited Melinda over to have a little girls' night. We ate Chinese food and drank bad wine which goes really good with chocolate cake.
"I don't know." I wasn't even planning on living this long.
"We gotta do something," Shana stresses, and I feel her about to name off ideas.
"We should have invited Tanya," I say, wanting to change the subject. Shana shakes her head, motioning toward Melinda.
"What?" I ask, nosey for some gossip.
"They don't mesh well." I narrow my eyes, confused.
"How? Melinda is awesome."
"That's because you low-key want to fuck her," Shana laughs.
I roll my eyes, but then I think about how much Melinda looks so much like Mike. Is that why I'm attracted to her?
Shit. Am I attracted to Mike? Do I-No No. No, I definitely like Layne.
I want Layne.
"How do you deal with girls wanting to be all over him?" I asked cautiously.
"Who, Mike?" I nod. "Well...there will always be fangirls. Mike knows that, and I know that. But he does a damn good job making sure that I'm the only one for him."
For a split second, I wondered if I should tell her about what Mike said to me. Shana cracks her knuckles, and I imagine her slapping the shit out of me. Yeah, no.
"I'm happy you're here," Shana tells me, leaning her head on my shoulder.
"Thanks, I like rooming with you," I smile. Living with Shana so far has turned out to be better than I expected. I don't know if Seattle will "fix" me, though.
I feel Melinda stir when I stop playing in her hair. Shana looks down at her for a moment, then back at me.
"I'm happy you're here," she repeats slowly, her eyes watering up. Oh. Though Shana knows what happened, we hadn't really talked about it yet. "Did it hurt?"
"I don't remember," I lied.
"....Why did you do it?"
"I don't know," I tell her, which was half the truth. Shana just stares at me, her eyes telling me to keep going. I swallow a few times to get the words out. "....I just wanted to stop thinking...just everything to be quiet."
I stare ahead, focusing on the fuzzy spectacle spacing in front of me.
"Did it hurt?" Shana asks me again. A sad chuckle releases from my dry throat.
"You're drunk," I tell her.
"Yes...but I also don't want you to die," she says after staring at me for a few heartbeats.
YOU ARE READING
Frogs
同人小说"You're the only sober person in my life. It feels like you were made for me?" he says, though it came out as a question rather than a statement. I smile and look at him. Layne is already staring at me, searching for understanding. Not knowing how...
