"You're the only sober person in my life. It feels like you were made for me?" he says, though it came out as a question rather than a statement.
I smile and look at him. Layne is already staring at me, searching for understanding. Not knowing how...
Slow, deep exhausted breaths were the only visible sounds between me and the bathroom walls. Dazed out, it took me a minute to realize it was coming from me.
Pussy; was the only word springing through my mind.
I thought you wanted to die? Didn't you want everything to be over?
I wish my mother had never found me. It seems like my subconscious can't work up the strength to let myself rot...well, at least try to again.
I don't know how long I've been resting my forehead against the toilet seat. But I deserve to be here, to sit in shame. You're disgusting, like an unclean toilet seat.
After a few more minutes of overwhelming sulking, I got up from the cold floor and looked at my reflection in the mirror. I look the same as I did when my mother found me; glossy red tired...tired eyes.
Hmmph.
Like a haunted ghost, I stride to my bedroom and sit on the edge of my bed. Minutes shift by, and it feels like my eyelids are hanging over my eyeballs...I'm just very...very tired. Maybe the pills are still in me.
I feel tears coming on, but I try not to let them fall and ignore them. I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and bite down on my bottom lip, trying my hardest not to cry...trying my hardest not to scream. But the feeling is too intense. I briskly brush the tears away but then quit when it keeps coming down like Niagara Falls.
What is wrong with me? Why am I like this? Why do I have to be this way?
Angrily wiping my tears away, I remember a little housewarming gift Shana gave me. I reached over to my nightstand and grabbed my little tin box.
After grinding up some weed, I put some of it in my pink glass pipe and lit it up. As soon as I inhaled and sucked in the fire, I could already tell that that was some very strong shit.
I float up higher and higher till I reach the ceiling, my best friend. Hi, ceiling.Damn, you got a nice place up here. How much is your rent?
I don't remember coming outside. I don't even remember getting dressed;
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But at least ten minutes into my random walk, a drop of water landed on my head. I looked upward to the dark clouds over the purple sunset and more land. I laughed as it all came crashing down; my laughter and the rain...the pretty mix. An idea sparkled in my head...
Running and stomping my feet into deep puddles, I begin shouting, "I'm singin' in the rain!...just singin' in the rain!"
I spot a pole, twirl around it, and repeat the only words I know from the classic movie. "I'm singin' in the rain!...just singin' in the rain!"
