"Aw, what's the matter?" I ask Terri in my baby voice as she begins crying hysterically. It's like she knew I wouldn't see her in a while. Tanya and Terri will be leaving rainy Seattle to visit her mom and sister in Chicago for about a week. Though I will miss Tanya and her cute little nugget, it feels good to have the opportunity to sleep in.
"She's already attached to you," Tanya smiles. She grins sweetly at Terri and me as she sets her purse down on the kitchen table.
"You think so?"
"You're fishing," Tanya sings, causing me to laugh.
"Just a little," I laugh. Ugh, I'm going to miss these two ladies.
I stopped at a small cafe for a glazed chocolate donut after work and made it back home around 6:00 pm.
I haven't heard from Layne since our date a couple of days ago. Even though it would have been nice to hear from him, I just figured he's swamped with his own life and music.
Plus, I didn't want to have any expectations when it came to my relationship with him.
Oblivious of my purse being unzipped from me trying to find my keys, I threw it on the floor. I watch almost every item fall out of it.
"Shit," I curse before squatting down to pick them up. A familiar ziplock bag catches my eye.
I stare at the small bag for a moment before picking it up. It's a weird feeling; being happy one moment and then wanting to die the second. Today... today was a really good day. But then again, I shouldn't waste these beautiful pills I'd completely forgotten about.
I kept swallowing large lumps rising in my throat as I stared at them. Since my suicide attempt, I have secretly been waiting to sense that low suffocating feeling again.
Opening the zip lock bag, I spilled them into my palm. I don't know how I felt about dying on a Tuesday. I was born on a Tuesday. Such a damn weird day....such a damn beautiful day.
I shake the pills in my palm before throwing them in my mouth. I let them sit on my tongue for a few seconds. They taste like sugar. Noticing a water bottle on my dresser, I grab and swallow a big gulp.
I look at the clock before laying down on my bed, wondering when it will kick in. Will I be able to hear music and visuals all over the place? Or will I just be walking around in a constant state of euphoria? But then again, is that such a bag thing? Wanting to die? Is wanting to die such a damn bad thing? No...it can't be. I mean, I'm alive, right? So it can't be that bad.
This might be easier than hanging myself. What the hell was I thinking?....wha...what the hell....
Fuck!
I shoot up from my bed and run towards the bathroom. Yanking the toilet seat up, I slide my fingers down my throat. Nothing but water, and my breath spills out.
Fuck fuck fuck
I try again, gagging when toilet water splats on my face as I feel something come out.
I burn my sockets into the toilet bowl, staring at chocolate chunks and white powdery nothing.
YOU ARE READING
Frogs
Fanfiction"You're the only sober person in my life. It feels like you were made for me?" he says, though it came out as a question rather than a statement. I smile and look at him. Layne is already staring at me, searching for understanding. Not knowing how...
