"You're the only sober person in my life. It feels like you were made for me?" he says, though it came out as a question rather than a statement.
I smile and look at him. Layne is already staring at me, searching for understanding. Not knowing how...
My eyes slowly spring open to a spot on Layne's bedroom ceiling that has a crack in it. I wondered how long I had taken a nap as I felt a slight movement in the bed. Layne lies bedside me, now wearing a Black long sleeve t-shirt.
I turn so my body faces him directly, noticing his eyes are still closed. "Are you awake?" I ask him, my fingers stroking the edge of his face.
Layne nods, opening his eyes to stare up at the ceiling. "You were in my dream...."
"You were in mines too." I sigh before a yawn, remembering his song...and how now he's the one that wants to run away.
Before our nap, we barely talked about it...almost like we were both emotionally and mentally exhausted. After attempting to take my ring off, we quickly found ourselves in his bedroom and cuddled into each other's arms. I couldn't leave him. I can't.
"Will you go get help?" I quietly ask him. Layne sighs and shuts his eyes."Layne?"
"Andrea," he says my name in a low whisper, his eyes fluttering back open. "I'm sorry...I just don't want to talk about that right now. Can we just lay here?" I nod in agreement, not wanting to start an argument.
"Do you wanna watch something?"
"If you want," he shrugs.
"Are you cold?" I then ask him. Layne shakes his head no. "Are you hungry?"
"Andrea," he says sternly, looking at me.
"I'll shut up," I said quickly.
Layne clicks his tongue, "Just lay down with me." Biting my tongue, I cuddle next to him, laying the side of my head on his chest. His heartbeat plays a steady tune in my eardrum. I lightly hum along with it. His heart. And what if it stops beating? Without warning, I sit up."Babe," he sighs.
"We're going to talk about this," I tell him.
Layne sucks his teeth, grunting as he sighs in frustration. I match his groan with one of my own, crossing my arms over each other.
"Why are you doing this?" Though he doesn't want to, Layne sits up as well. And for a second, I find it so cute how we sit crisscrossed applesauce in front of each other.
"Why are you?" I retort. Layne exhales heavily and curses under his breath. "Just talk to me...I know it's hard...I know-"
Layne wilts before me as tears glimmer in his eyes. He crumbles, covering his face with his hands. "I fucking hate rehab. I don't want to go," he pleads with desperation in his voice. I want it out of his system. I want it all out of his system. My throat tightened as I heard him lightly sob in front of me. "Please don't make me go," he then says, raising his face from his hands to look at me.
Layne's red face and blue eyes shine with the same pain and sadness I felt inside of me months ago. I give a small smile, wiping his tears with my thumbs. "I don't want you to die," I whisper. Another tear rolls down his cheek; I quickly catch it. "I want to help you."
"...why?" Layne questions. And this is the first time I have ever seen him so doubtful as he bows his head down in defeat.
My palms grew sweaty as I swallowed the dust in my throat. Tell him. I throw my head and breathe to the ceiling for a minute before looking back at him. Layne stares at me, his eyes red and worn as he waits...for me...to say...it.
"...before I moved here...I tried to kill myself," I finally admit. I see Layne's eyes grow, shocked by my confession. But he doesn't break eye contact with me as I continue. I swallowed hard and bit down on my lower lip silently. "And then I met you...." The room falls into silence, broken only by our breathing. I smile, releasing a nervous laugh as I close my eyes. My mind flashbacks to meeting Layne for the first time, him giving me a little tour of my neighborhood, hearing him sing for the first time...and my first time feeling him...his love. "I keep telling myself it was the new city, Shana, Terri..the frogs, but it was you...It was all you." I smile, also remembering the bubble...our bubble. "...I think you healed me."
When I open my eyes back up, I suck in a breath as our energy flows into each other. The electric currents spread from our foreheads, eyes, nose, lips, chests, knees, and legs. The static crackles in the air around us and...and I still can't believe this is real. But it is. It's us.
Layne grips one of my hands, and my skin buzzes with his touch. I feel the charge of a hundred-thousand volts as I try to look at him through the meddling current. Layne's blue eyes shreds into me, though fear flows into them... overwhelmed with our bodies mingling.
My baby is so scared. I watch the current shorten as I scoot closer to Layne. I press a soft kiss to his forehead before resting my forehead against his. Layne exhales the rest of his vulnerability into the tight space between us. It's okay. I rub his ear lobes back and forth in a soothing gesture, and I soon begin to feel him melt in comfort.
