Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Chapter 12

Chapter 12

For so long, I sheltered myself behind high walls, believing that they would protect and guard me.

I thought that if I stayed alone, no one could hurt me. I thought there wouldn't be any room for pain to get in.

But when I took a good look at myself, I realized that those walls were just barriers that were stopping me from growing. Those walls were built just to suffocate me with the traumatic memories I was forced to live with inside them.

Nang nasa ikatlong taon kami ng kolehiyo ay naging matunog ang hiwalayan nina Psyche at Leon.

It didn't affect me as much because I knew that they were just faking it and maybe their contract had ended already. Hindi na rin naman nagulat ang iba dahil hindi na raw nila madalas makita ang dalawa.

Leon's Facebook story, even if I wasn't sure it was for me, was enough to reassure me. He was still cold, though. Hindi niya pa rin ako tinatapunan ng tingin at kapansin-pansin pa rin ang pag-iwas niya.

But I knew that the walls between us would come down sooner or later . . . or maybe even now.

"All right, class. I need at least three thesis topics from you today. Use the library or the computer lab to get it done," sabi ni Ma'am Abulencia. "Aantayin ko hanggang 5 p.m. sa faculty room. Good luck."

I bowed my head as I heard my classmates talking and complaining about how hard this semester was going to be. Mabilis din ang pagkilos nila, siguro ay para mag-unahan sa magandang puwesto sa library o para makapamili ng magandang computer sa lab.

"Pagod na agad ako para bukas!" narinig ko pang reklamo ni Meg bago pumunta sa partner niya.

Shaira and Zoey just gave me a tap in the back before they exited the room to start working.

Nag-research naman na ako last week ng magagandang topic kaya puwedeng dito na lang kaming dalawa ni Leon sa room. May mobile data rin naman ako kung gusto niyang mag-research pa. I just don't know how to approach him.

Before long, only the two of us were left inside. Wala kaming imikan pero ramdam ko sa paligid na wala nang ibang naroon kung hindi kami lang.

I slowly lifted my head and saw him getting his bond paper and pen. I drew a deep breath and gathered the courage to stand up. Agad siyang napatingin sa akin, bahagyang namimilog ang mga mata. Binigyan ko siya ng isang maliit at ilang na ngiti bago ako naupo sa tabi niya.

My nose felt as if it was being tickled as his fresh and masculine scent filled the air.

"Uhm . . ." I cleared my throat. "M-May mga inaral na akong topic na baka magustuhan mo."

I almost beat myself up when I stuttered. Jusko, Amari! Masyado kang kinakabahan!

"Nasa messenger. Isinend ko sa sarili ko last week . . . wait!" I said, sounding a little too defensive.

I opened my cellphone and quickly turned on my mobile data. Naramdaman ko ang parang paglapit niya sa akin na parang sumisilip sa cellphone ko kaya lalo kong naamoy ang bango niya.

I could see him from my peripheral vision. His lips were pressed together in a grim line, and the tip of his nose was almost touching my cheeks.

"You're shaking," he said in a low voice. "Hindi ka ba komportable?"

Tanga ba siya?! Malamang hindi!

Still, I shook my head. "Ngalay lang. Ang dami ko kasing inayusan kahapon."

Hindi na siya sumagot. Hinayaan ko na lang din na ganoon ang puwesto namin dahil mukhang wala naman siyang balak lumayo.

I opened my messenger and searched for my name. Nakatingin pa rin siya sa cellphone ko habang ko ginagawa iyon.