Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Chapter 37

Chapter 37

Halos tumakbo ako papunta sa opisina namin ni Leon. My chest was heaving because I wanted to know the truth about what had happened. Gusto kong makumpirma na hindi siya nagtrabaho kay Mr. Mendoza. Because if he really didn't, then I wouldn't be having any of these doubts in the first place.

Alam kong marami pa akong dapat itanong. Tungkol kay Psyche . . . at sa nanay niya. The last time we talked about this, he said he'd be working for them. Magiging tutor siya ni Psyche at tutulungan naman siya ni Valeen sa pagbabayad ng hospital bills ni Tita Leah.

He might have worked for my biological mother . . . but if he didn't ask for my father's help, then why didn't he tell me? We were in the same circle. Madaling mahanap ang contact info ko. He could've reached out . . . kaya kong maintindihan.

"Leon!" I shouted when I reached the office.

Tumambad sa akin ang bakanteng mesa niya. His swivel chair was tucked under the table, and his documents were piled on one side. Pumasok ako sa loob at sinilip ang opisina ko, nagbabaka-sakaling mahanap ko siya roon . . . pero wala. There were no traces of him anywhere.

Hinahapo akong naupo sa couch. He must be at the cafeteria, having lunch. I don't know. The lunch would be over in 10 minutes, and I had to pull my shit together and not let my emotions get in the way.

I breathed deeply to calm myself. We'd been through enough . . . at lahat 'yon ay dahil sa sarili kong ama. Nagkasakit si Tita Leah dahil sa stress na ibinigay sa kanya ng kambal. Sure, Nathaniel and Nash could have stayed away from illegal drugs, but they were so young and didn't know any better. They were aggressive. At pinagbayaran na nila 'yon.

Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nasa isip ng magaling kong ama. I wasn't sure if he knew that Nathaniel and Nash were Leon's brothers, and that Leon would always choose his family over me . . . I don't know. Kung ginawa niya lang 'to para parusahan ako . . . masyadong mababaw . . . masyadong walang laman. Pero kung sakali mang nadamay lang ang pamilya ni Leon dahil sa 'kin . . . I don't know if I still had the guts to face them.

To: Mr. Zamora

Where are you?

Sumasakit ang sintido ko kakaisip. Sana . . . hindi dahil sa 'kin. Sana may mas malalim na rason si Mr. Mendoza sa mga kagaguhang ginawa niya. Hindi ko mapapatawad ang sarili ko kung sakali mang ako ang puno't dulo ng paghihirap ng lalaking mahal ko.

But then . . . I was, right?

Umpisa pa lang, napakarami ko nang kasalanang nagawa sa kanya. I treated him like a rival I had to beat, even though all he did was help me. Gusto kong matalo siya para lang mapangiti ang isang taong wala namang pakialam sa akin. Na habang pinagsisilbihan ko ang tatay ko, habang sinusunod ko ang mga kondisyon niya para kilalanin ako, para hindi kami mapalayas sa tinitirahan namin . . . Leon just patiently waited for me to see things from a different point of view.

And despite my shortcomings, he poured his love and attention into me so that I would never feel like I was lacking. He put his arms around my thorns, even if he knew they would prick his skin and make him bleed.

If he suffered because my father wanted to hurt me . . . I'd know in my heart that he deserved a better woman than I could ever be.

Lumipas ang tatlumpong minuto na walang kahit na anong reply mula sa kanya. Hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit kinakabahan ako. Sinubukan ko siyang tawagan pero nakapatay ang cellphone niya. Bumaba na rin ako para hanapin siya sa cafeteria, nurse's station . . . pero wala.

"Ma'am, nag-half day po si Sir," saad sa akin ng isang nurse, marahil ay napansin ang pag-iikot ko. "Hindi po ba nagsabi?"

I slowly shook my head, feeling a bit of disappointment in my core.