Mistakes We Can't Laugh About (Loser #2)

Chapter 35

Chapter 35

The universe fell silent as if the heavens were opening to make way for the sound of his cries . . . the sight of his tears . . . and the weight of his sadness.

Nakayakap lang ako sa kanya, hinahagod ang likuran at hinahayaan siyang tumangis. Parang nawala ang tama ng alak sa sistema ko. At that moment, all that mattered to me was hearing his heart break and feeling the burn of his tears on my skin.

He must've been so sad. He must've cried a lot.

Mahal na mahal niya si Tita Leah. Hindi man maaabot ng hinagap ko ang lalim ng samahan nila, alam ko naman kung gaano katindi ang pag-ibig niya rito. She meant the world to him. He worked so hard to give her the kind of life he knew she deserved.

And knowing she was gone . . . I couldn't imagine how painful it was for him to watch the world go by without any other option but to let things happen.

Dahil ganoon ang buhay.

Hindi titigil sa pag-ikot ang mundo dahil lang umiiyak ka. Hindi matutuldukan ang mga responsibilidad mo dahil lang nalulungkot ka. Hindi hihinto ang oras sa pagtakbo dahil lang nagluluksa ka.

In the end, the only thing we could do was to accept that it had happened.

"You've endured a lot, Leon . . ." bulong ko. "I'm here now . . . you don't have to carry all that pain alone anymore."

Humigpit ang yakap niya sa akin, parang bang anumang oras ay mawawala ako. He was crying, almost stifling his sobs. Ang bigat-bigat siguro ng dibdib niya. To shed tears over a question . . . it must have been so heavy. Para bang hinihintay niya lang na may isang taong lumapit sa kanya para magtanong kung kumusta siya . . . kung kaya niya pa ba.

When Tita Leah died, he must have wished for someone to sit next to him. Iyong mapagkukwentuhan niya ng lahat ng pinagsamahan nila. Iyong maglalaan ng oras para makinig sa pag-iyak niya. Iyong sasamahan siya habang tinatanggap na wala na ang unang babaeng minahal niya.

Unti-unti ko siyang itinulak palayo sa akin. I put my hands on his cheeks and looked directly into his eyes, letting my deepest thoughts and feelings pour out. Kung makita man niya sa mga mata kong mahal ko pa siya, wala na akong pakialam.

All I wanted to do was wrap my arms around him and cradle him to my chest so that he could forget about the time we'd spent apart . . . so that he could find comfort in my embrace.

Pinalis ko ang mga luhang sa pisngi niya. Dahan-dahan at puno ng pag-iingat.

"Kailan pa?" mahinang tanong ko.

I watched his lips quiver. "T-Two months after we broke up."

Agad na nanubig ang mga mata ko. It was so heavy for him . . . I'm sure it was.

"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sa 'kin?" My voice was so soft because I was afraid of hurting him even more.

"G-Gusto ko." Muling nalaglag ang luha niya. "But you've been through enough because of me . . . I don't want to bother you anymore."

My thumb wiped away his lone tear. Wala akong masabi. Hindi ko mahanap ang mga tamang salita. If he'd told me about Tita Leah's death years ago, I could have gone home to be with him. Mahal ko siya . . . at noong mga panahong 'yon, alam kong isang tawag niya lang sa akin ay ibabagsak ko ang mga prinsipyo at pangarap ko para masamahan siya.

"Ang tagal kong hiniling na yakapin mo ulit ako . . ." he whispered. "Akala ko mamamatay akong pinapangarap lang 'yon."

He brought my hand to his lips, gently kissing it.

"You're drunk. Baka makalimutan mo na lahat 'to bukas . . . at kung maalala mo man, magsisisi ka rin."

Nanikip ang dibdib ko nang ipinikit niya ang mata at marahang dinampian ng halik ang kamay ko.