The Path To You

4. Starting to miss you

The exam had been a mess. I walked out of the classroom in a daze, I felt like maybe I'd just blacked out. That could be the only excuse for why I didn't seem to remember anything I'd written down. Had I even finished the test? It was stupid but I felt like this after most texts and exams. For as long as I could remember I had text anxiety, no matter how much I studied or prepared I walked into that classroom and the second the test sat in front of me my whole body seized with nerves. It was so stupid sometimes I just wanted to smack myself for not just getting it together.

The second I walked out of the building my eyes landed on someone that shouldn't be there.

Connor stood leaning against one of the light posts. It wasn't that Connor couldn't be there, technically it was a public place but he shouldn't be. He didn't even go to school here and now here he was on my campus waiting outside my lecture building. Kingsley wasn't that far, literally like a ten minute drive, but still I didn't expect him here during the day when he probably should be in a class or something.

"What are you doing here?" I asked walking over to him.

"I got you ice cream, it's either in celebration for how well you did or to cheer you up after failing." He smiled at me.

I just noticed now the cup of frozen dessert in his hands. My heart twisted in my chest. He could be so sweet sometimes I didn't know what to do with it. It was like night and day with him. Sometimes he was being sweet and surprising me with ice cream after my exam and then other times he's dragging me out somewhere to ditch me so he can get drunk and fall into bed with some stranger.

"I'm leaning towards the cheering up option." I reached out taking my treat from him.

"Oh come on, you're like a genius and you've been studying so much I was starting to miss you." He threw his arm over my shoulder and I did my best to ignore the stench of alcohol that assaulted my senses. I didn't say a single word about the fact he was obviously at least tipsy and enjoyed the moment. 

"Only starting?" I teased.

"I don't do well without you Jet Plane." He smiled at me.

"Trust me I know." I chuckled and then started to dig into my dessert.

"Can I have some?"

I looked over at my friend and rolled my eyes. He was so needy sometimes. He was also a thief, he stole things from everyone. The clothes stealing was a big one and I knew his roommate Dom was most angry about that habit of Connors.

"If you wanted ice cream you should have gotten some for yourself." I shook my head.

"I did but you took too long and I ate it already." He pouted.

"You're absolutely unbelievable."

"Unbelievably hot."

One of his fingers brushed at my curls. It took me a quick second to realize Connor was trying to play with my hair. It wasn't the first time this happened. I remembered the first time I'd felt him playing with my curls. I'd been in his bed naked after the one and only time we'd ever had sex. He'd laid down next to me and looked at me in a way no one had ever looked at me ever. He told me I was pretty and one of his hands moved forward to mess around with my hair. I'd just laid there and let him watching as he looked at me with a smile his eyes filled with awe.

He didn't really look at me like that again. Sometimes I'd catch him just staring at me and I'd recognize that look in his eyes but most of the time he just tried to eye fuck me. It was rare for him to look at me and for me to see nothing in those eyes. It was the blank looks of indifference that usually hurt the most and thankfully those looks were rare.

"If you had to sleep with one of your roommates who would it be?" Connor asked randomly.

I turned and gave him a look. Sometimes I wondered what was going on in that head of his.

"What?" I just blinked.

"Come on, don't tell me you've never thought about it." He laughed bumping into my shoulder.

"Never." I shook my head. "You have?"

"I think I'd go for Nico, he's got the whole angry grump thing going on. Could be interesting in the bedroom." He shrugged.

"You're disgusting." I laughed.

"What? I mean the man landed Sasha. He didn't get with that hottie based on his personality, he's got to be good in the bedroom."

"Oh my god." I laughed shoving him away from me.

"Tell me I'm wrong."

I just shook my head. The guy was a complete menace. Somehow this was the guy I liked, the guy I wanted to spend all my time with.

"Your turn to answer." He just grinned at me.

"I did have a sex dream about Monroe once." I confessed.

"Was it good?"

"I mean it was a sex dream." I answered not really know what else to say about it.

I'd woken up feeling very embarrassed and guilty. I blurted it all out a breakfast the next morning because I felt like Monroe needed to know. Apparently he very much didn't want to know that and told me if I gave him a single detail he'd murder me. His girlfriend Becca seemed very interested in knowing all the details and cornered me later to hear all about.

"Yeah but was it a good sex dream or like one of those weird ones where the person has bug eyes or webbed feet."

"You have sex dreams about people with webbed feet?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him.

"It was just an example." He grumbled.

I didn't say anything just continued to stare at him.

"It was one time ok?" He caved causing me to laugh loudly.

I let myself get lost in Connor for a second. Just enjoying the way he laughed along with me. I let myself have this moment and I ignored every bit inside me that wanted to ruin it with the thoughts of him being drunk before noon on a Tuesday.