The Path To You

40. Kiss me

Somehow we'd made it. The trail opened up and finally he'd reached the top. The reviews online hadn't been lying, the view was very pretty. The hill was high enough to overlook part of the town. There was something about being up higher than the buildings that brought me a sense of peace.

Connor was quiet for the first time since we stepped on the trail. I let us both fall into a comfortable silence and sat looking out at the view. I was happy to just sit on the ground taking it all in.

"Thank you Jet plane." He said softly breaking the quiet.

"For what?" I asked.

"Taking me here, not giving up on me. I don't really know but I don't think I'd have made it this far without you."

"You never give yourself enough credit Connor, you always put yourself down. I hate that you can't see how much you've achieved on your own. You got yourself clean, you fought to stay sober and you were the one that walked into that police station and finally fought back. That was all you Connor."

I wanted nothing more than for Connor to see himself the way I did. I wanted him to look in the mirror and see just how amazing he was. I didn't want to have him keep giving me credit for things he did himself. All I've done was stand next to him cheering him on the best way I could.

"But what good did any of that do? I went to the police but nothing's changed."

"Alright so what comes next? You went to the police, now what?"

"Nothing? I don't know Jet, I don't fucking know what to do now." He sighed in defeat.

I wasn't having that. I hated seeing him like this. He looked run down, he looked like he'd given up. I'd watched him pull himself out of that and now he was sinking back in.

I wasn't going to lose him. I couldn't so I reached out before he could slip under trying my hardest to hold him up for a little longer.

"You hit a road bump but it doesn't have to be the end. You just got to decide if you're ready to get back up and take a step forward or not."

"I can't." He shook his head. "I see him and my whole body just stops. I can't breathe anymore knowing that he's won, that I'm stuck under his thumb forever. I walked into those football tryouts a blank slate, I didn't know anything back then. I was fourteen and I knew nothing. Then I was fifteen and I learned how to trust. Sixteen and I thought I'd known what it was like to be cared for. And then I turned seventeen and learned how to say no but I also learned that no is just a word and words don't mean shit if no one listens to them." Connor ranted.

His body tensed and his hands made fists at his sides. This was better than before. At least he was showing some emotion. Anger was better than him feeling nothing at all.

"He shouldn't get away with that."

"He still works with kids." Connors whole body froze for a second.

The anger was gone quicker than it came. His face fell as the realization seemed to wash over him.

"Jet." His voice was filled with despair. "He still works with kids."

I didn't have time to respond before I got an arm full of Connor. I never complained about that. He fell right into me and it was reflex to wrap myself around him catching him every time.

"What if he-, it's been almost four years, he could've done something to someone else. I could've-, I should've said something earlier. Jet what if he hurt someone and I could've stopped it?" There was only pain in his voice and each word seemed to rip my chest right open.

"Nothing that's happened is your fault. Nothing that man has done is anyone's but his own fault. Don't let yourself get lost in what ifs because you'll never know what could've happened. Don't get lost in the past, let's do something about the present."

"I can't let him do this again, I can't let him get away with it. I won't sit back and do nothing anymore."

I felt pride roar in my chest. Connor didn't need to keep fighting but he was choosing to keep trying. He wasn't letting himself give up. It showed me just how strong he was and I wished I had half the strength he did.

"So keep fighting. If the police won't listen then find someone who will." I told him.

"I'm really glad you dragged me up here, even if we almost got eaten by a tiny bear."

I let Connor turn the conversation. I knew he needed it. He had a hard time talking about his past and whenever he needed to change the topic I never pushed. I was happy to let him find a distraction when it all got too much.

"It's not done yet, I have something for you." I opened my bag searching for the bundle of white papers.

I'd been holding onto this until the time was right. I didn't know why I'd waited so long to show it to Connor but I knew without doubt it was time now.

"What is it?" Connor tried to peak over my shoulder but I just shoved him away.

"Zero patience." I shook my head teasingly.

I didn't make him wait long I placed the stack of papers in his hands letting him find out for himself what they were.

I sat anxiously as his eyes scanned the words written. Each one I'd written out neatly across the page. All my feelings, random thoughts, everything was in there.

"You wrote me letters?" His eyes watered as he looked up at me.

"Yeah I couldn't go a whole month without talking to you so I just wrote everything I wanted to say to you down." I nodded.

Connor glanced back down at the letters scanning more words trying to take it all in. I didn't rush him as he flipped through the pages.

"This is the best thing anyones ever done for me." His voice was right with emotion.

"You deserve so much more than this Connor. You deserve more than letters, you deserve the whole damn world."

"I think I really want to kiss you now." He raised one hand up letting it dance across the side of my face.

I was already leaning forward trying to get closer to him before I could remind myself why I shouldn't. I didn't let myself remind myself we were just friends. We shouldn't cross that line yet. Connor was still working on himself and I didn't want to rush into anything. This meant more to me than that. I wanted it to work out so we'd agreed to be friends.

But right now as Connor rested his hand on my cheek and leaned in I didn't care. I couldn't even think of the word friends because all I could think was Connor.

Connor who wanted to kiss me.

Connor who I wanted to kiss more than anything.

"I'm really over this friends thing." He whispered his lips grazing mine lightly as he spoke.

And then he pressed his lips fully against mine swallowing up my response. When Connor kissed me nothing else mattered. As he lips moved against mine I began to forget why we hadn't been doing this all along.

I didn't want to go another second not being able to kiss Connor.

A/n:

I really wanted to come back from my trip and be like I'm still writing and here's a bunch of chapters but I can't. Whenever I go on vacation I always have a crash when I come back. Its getting better so I'm feeling like my mental health is going back to what it was so hopefully I'll have some motivation over this weekend to get some writing done.

I officially tracked out the rest of the chapters and figured out how many I have left to go before the end. And it's honestly so sad, seeing the number officially makes it feel like it's ending too soon. I don't think I'll be ready to move on from these two. This book was actually supposed to be shorter than it is but I didn't feel like I could do Connor's story justice in that little time. I wanted to make sure his development was done the way I wanted so I made the story longer. But still it feels like it's going to be too short because I just want to write these two forever.

Anyways I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh