The Path To You

35. Hug me

Connor POV:

I felt like I might throw up. Walking into the police station wasn't as nerve wracking as this. I'd been angry and determined before. I hadn't let the nerves set in because I knew I needed to do it. I'd forced myself to go through all the worst moments of my life. I'd done that and survived so I shouldn't be as nervous now as I was.

You'd think that the cops would be harder than talking to my parents but just the thought of sitting in front of them and telling them the truth for the first time had my stomach turning with anxiety. I'd never worried about them not believing me or not being supportive. I knew they'd have my back but it was more that I knew the truth would break their hearts.

I'd hurt them enough over the years and I was tired of hurting those around me.

I had held off on telling them for so long because I knew it'd shatter them. It would change everything and even if they supported me they'd still look at me differently.

"Did you have to work late?" My mom asked as I walked in the house.

"No I just had to make a quick stop on my way home." I told them not wanting to tell them just yet.

"To do what?" My dad stood up from the couch and walked over to me.

I knew the look on his face. He was expecting the worst. He was looking at me like he expected my breath to smell like liquor and mistakes.

"Sorry I think this might be my fault." Jetson replied with an apologetic smile. "I'm Jetson." He introduced.

I knew he was trying to save me but I had already decided I needed to come clean. There was no hiding the truth anymore.

"Jetson? Oh my! Connor has told me so much about you!" My mom's whole face lit up as she rushed over to pull Jet into a tight hug.

I mentally slammed my hand into my face. I really should just keep my mouth shut. My mom had too much ammunition for my embarrassment. I may have come home and gushed a little too much about Jetson. I didn't need her repeating all the things I'd said.

"It's nice to finally meet you both." Jetson smiled at my parents.

I could do nothing as my mom guided Jetson into the kitchen talking his ear off the whole way there. I knew my family would welcome him in with wide open arms. There wasn't anything not to love about Jetson and I knew my mom would see that.

"You had us worried." My dad said once my mom and Jet had left the room.

"I'm sorry but I didn't drink, I promise. You can smell my breath or check my car if you want." I offered.

"I don't need to do that I just need you to let us know if you're going to be out. I want you to know we're here for you, I know we missed it the last time and I'm sorry I failed you but I'm not planning on letting it happen again."

It felt like my heart was cracking in two. Here my dad stood and he thought he'd been the one to fail. That my addiction was somehow his fault for not noticing me struggling sooner. I didn't want him to carry that burden. I'd let my life go to shit without letting anyone help me.

But even still I wouldn't carry all the blame when I knew who'd stripped me down into the broken mess I was today.

"It's not your fault Dad." I just wished that he could believe those words the same way I did.

—

It had taken awhile but finally after dinner my mom had let Jetson go and retreat up to my room. He'd used the excuse that he wanted to unpack his bag and work on some school assignments. I knew he was really just trying to get out of the way so I could finally talk to my parents.

It was time to tell them the truth. I couldn't keep running from this.

"Can I talk to you guys about something?" I asked my parents.

They were both on the couch watching television together when I walked into the living room. I felt bad to interrupt their relaxing evening but it was now or never. I wouldn't be able to do it if I let myself push it off anymore.

"Of course, what's up?" My mom questioned turning her whole attention to me.

"Did something happen? Is something wrong?" My dads face filled to one full of concern.

"There's something I didn't tell you guys. I didn't just meet up with Jetson today after work." I took a deep breath not knowing how to say it.

"If you slipped up that's okay Connor, we understand and we aren't mad. We don't expect you to never have your struggles, all we want is to be able to be here for you and help you when you do stumble a bit." My mom reached out and rested her hand over mine trying to be comforting.

This wasn't me telling them I relapsed, this was so much worse than that.

"I didn't have a drink, I went to the police station." I blurted out.

"The police? Why? Did you do something?" My dad fired out questions as quick as he could.

"No I didn't-, It wasn't for anything I did. I-," I paused letting my thoughts collect. "It's about Coach Wilson."

The silence was suffocating. Neither of them said anything. When I looked at my father he was turned away from me like he couldn't even look at me. It was like he knew what was coming and couldn't look at me when I finally said the words out loud.

It felt like no one was even breathing as both of them waited for my next words. For me to finally say it all out loud to them.

"He raped me."

My mom let out a soft gasp and the hand that was resting on mine squeezed me extra tight.

"Honey." Her voice cracked as I watched tears well up in her eyes.

"I'm not okay but I'm better than I was. I'm sorry for not telling you guys but I just wasn't ready to say it out loud. I think I liked to pretend it just never happened and the drinking let me do that."

"You don't need to apologize for anything. If anything I should be apologizing to you for not doing a better job at protecting you, for letting that man into our house." My mom was trying her best to hold to tears back but I could hear the emotion in her voice and I could see the tears threatening to fall.

She was trying to hold it together for me but I knew the second I walked away she'd finally break down.

I turned to look at my dad but he still wasn't looking at me and he'd stayed very silent. I was nervous for exactly how he was going to react. I didn't think he wouldn't support me but his silence was putting me on edge.

"Dad?" I prompted softly.

"I-," the second he turned to look at me he stopped the sentence and just looked at me with a sad expression on his face.

"I'm so sorry Connor, I'm so sorry." He stood up his face crumpling with the emotion.

He took one step towards me then seemed to recoil back stopping himself before he got too close. It took all of a second to understand why. He didn't know if he could hug me, if he could even touch me at all.

That was just one more thing to break my heart a little more. My own father didn't feel like he could hug me. Of all the relationships that my coach had ruined I wasn't going to let him touch this one.

I stood up and threw my arms around my father, hugging him tighter than I ever had.

A/n:

I've been super exhausted and stressed out at work this week. I honestly haven't done much writing, I wanted to do twice a week updates for pride month but it's not going to happen. Work is a lot right now and it's sucked all the energy out of me. But once this week is over it should be a little easier so hopefully I'll have some time to do some more writing and get some extra chapters out to you this month.

I also just wanted to thank you all for the continued support and kind words. Both Crossing Lines and this book mean so much to me. I've put a lot of myself into these books and it makes me happy to see you all enjoying them.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter!
-Cora Leigh