The Path To You

38. A next time

Connors pov:

It was all falling apart. Well I was falling apart. I sat here letting myself break apart as Jetson did his best to hold all my pieces together in his arms.

I'd tried so hard. I'd fought my heart out to get what I needed. I'd rounded up all my anger and courage and made that report at the police station. I had done my part and it'd been on everyone else to finish it for me.

Instead I'd gotten called in to the station just for them to say that they hadn't found enough evidence to make an arrest. It was my word against his and that hadn't been enough.

My coach had been right this whole time. He'd told me no one would believe me. That if I tried to take him down nothing would happen. I'd laid my soul out in that police station and no one had cared to fight along side me.

It was all over, it was done and I had nothing left. This had been the last of it. The anger and revenge was all that was left of me and now there was nothing left to keep the pieces of me together.

"I've got you." Jetsons voice flooded into my ears as he held me tight against him.

I didn't have the revenge but I did have Jetson.

Jetson who would hold me together for as long as he needed to. Jetson who'd fight the whole world if it meant I'd make it out the other side. I had him and maybe I could find a way to let that be enough.

"I didn't- I didn't open it." I forced the words out pressing the bottle into his side.

Jetson pulled back slightly not letting me go completely as he looked down at the bottle in my hand. It was still sealed shut, I hadn't gotten myself to actually drink it yet.

"Can I?" He closed his hand over mine showing me what he wanted.

I wordlessly loosened my grip letting him take the bottle from me.

I had thought there was nothing left of me but if that was true that bottle would've been opened. I would've let myself drown a long time ago. But I had Jetson, I had someone that showed me love every day and someone who I could love right back. That had been enough to make me hesitate. If it hadn't been for that love I wouldn't have stopped myself when I tried to twist the bottle open.

Without the bottle in my hands I felt lighter but also more fragile. I felt better because I knew without that bottle I couldn't ruin the relationships I'd worked hard to repair but at the same time without it I knew I was left to deal with it all sober. I didn't have anything to fall back on to try to numb it out.

"I'm sorry Jet Plane." I said softly into his shirt.

"You don't need to apologize." He assured.

"Yeah I do, I promised you that I'd be better, that you wouldn't need to keep doing this."

Jetson had walked away when my drinking had been bad. I'd hurt him enough for him to have to leave. The only reason he was here was because I'd gotten myself sober, I did the work to repair things between us. Going out and buying a bottle was ruining it all. I had broken all the promises I'd made to him.

He shouldn't even still be here with me. Maybe I wasn't worth it for him to stay anymore. I'd only keep hurting him.

"But you didn't drink, you didn't open the bottle Connor."

"Not this time but next time-,"

"There won't be a next time-," he cut me off.

I pulled away at his words. He didn't get it. He still had this hope in him that I could be this great guy. I was an addict and rehab could only change so much about me.

"There will always be a next time. I'm an addict Jet, I will always be sitting in front of the bottle and it's just a matter of time before I open it." I spit the truth out.

"I get that but I'm right here Connor and I'll be right here every time things get hard. You don't need to fight this alone, I'm right here begging to help you."

"But maybe you shouldn't be." I felt myself falling right back into my old bad habits.

I let everything my coach and the cops told me swirl in my head. My coach who'd spent years destroying my self esteem and making me feel like I needed him. And the cops who made me feel like I made it all up, like everything I'd been told was true.

Maybe I was just a drunk liar. Maybe that's all I ever would be.

"Connor please don't do this." Jetsons face fell.

"Why should you stay? I'm just a fucking liar, it's all I do. Maybe I just made everything up, maybe I'm just saying whatever the fuck I want just to justify all the shit decisions I've made in my life." I felt that anger that I thought had been broken return.

I was so fucking angry. Not at Jetson but at the world. I'd thought things were getting better and then life threw me to the wolves all over again.

"What are you talking about? You're not a liar Connor."

"That's not what the cops said." I let the truth out finally.

I could see the realization all over his face. Part of me didn't want to tell him what happened. Jetson always let me do whatever as long as I had some reason for it. He excused so much because of my past and sometimes I didn't think I deserved any of it.

"They said that?" He asked shocked.

"It was my word against my coaches and apparently no one will believe some alcoholic dropout over the fucking town hero."

"That's so fucked up, they can't just get away with this." I watched the anger I felt mirrored in Jetson's face.

Part of me wanted to keep fighting but I felt exhausted. I was exhausted all the way to my bones. I didn't know if I could keep going. I didn't think I'd survive if I picked myself up just fail again.

"I can't think about this anymore. I'm just going to take a nap or something."

"Alright." Jetson just nodded letting me do whatever I needed.

"Stay with me?" I asked even though I already knew the answer.

"Always." He reached out and squeezed my hand.

Whenever I did decide to pull myself back up I knew that I'd have Jetson by my side for it. He was my lifeline and I didn't want to lose that anytime soon.

A/n:

I felt bad so here's another chapter to make your day better.

I'm going on a writing marathon today. I've been doing a lot of prep stuff for my trip but taking lots of breaks and writing. I'm hoping that I'll still post on Friday but it'll depend on how the rest of today and tomorrow go. If I can get some more writing in then I'll for sure get another chapter out for you.

I'm also hoping for some progress for the next book to happen this coming up week. I've been trying to work on it some but I've been very focused on getting this one finished. But I figured I'd give you guys some teasers for the next book today. I've talked about how it's going to be about Adam and a love interest who I'm not going to announce yet. But the book is going to be called Every Part of Us. And I promise it's going to be a lot less sad than this one. I did a lot of listening to 1989 by Taylor Swift while working on the next book, wonderland in particular.

Hope you all enjoyed this chapter!!
-Cora Leigh