The Path To You

13. I'm sorry

Connor's pov-

I looked down at my phone as the text from Nico came through. It was just an address but I knew what it meant. I grabbed the bottle next to me taking a large swig knowing I'd need it.

I needed it a lot these days. I don't think I'd really put it down in the last two weeks. To be honest I hadn't really put it down since winter break. Just thinking about break had me taking another sip. I couldn't let my brain go there. I couldn't think about him, his face as he sat at my dining table in my family home. His face as he talked to my parents, as everyone laughed together.

I squeezed my eyes closed fighting against the memories. I couldn't do this. I needed to think about something else.

The vision of light brown curls filled my head and it eased some of the pain away. It's been two weeks since I saw him and every day was just as bad as the last. Thank god Nico had decided to show me some mercy and sent me the address.

I knew I couldn't talk to him. I didn't even want him to see me but I needed to look at him. I needed to see that he was ok. I missed his smile, the feeling of him in my arms, I missed the way he made everything else feel better.

But I couldn't have that anymore. I had ruined it all because I was too fucked up to be with someone. The second I had calmed down after I blew up on him I wanted to show up at his door with a thousand apologies. I had even drove there but instead of actually going inside I sat in my car and drank until I felt nothing.

Jetson deserved a thousand times better than I could ever give him. I knew that but still I couldn't stay away. I just needed to see his pretty face. It might be the only thing better than the numbness I got from the bottle.

I hopped into my car and made my way to the address. I parked on the street behind one of the many cars that littered the area. I grabbed the bottle on my passenger seat and made my way to the house.

One look that was all I needed.

The house was crowded and people bumped into me and I tried not to cringe away from each touch. Someone tripped into me resting a hand on my shoulder to catch themselves before they face planted onto the hardwood.

"Sorry." The guy muttered before rebalancing themselves and kept walking right past me.

I stood there frozen for a second. The feeling of hands on me. Even if they weren't there I felt them. Each one pressing into my skin and my stomach turned.

No.

I wouldn't do that right now. I wasn't going to think about it. I tipped the bottle up letting the dark liquid slide down my throat. It was better to feel nothing than this.

"I didn't send you this address so you could show up drunk off your ass." Nico's voice cut me out of my thoughts and I turned to see my roommate frowning at me.

"You get what you get and you don't get upset." I forced a smile raising my hand and bopping his nose.

He rolled his eyes at me and smacked my hand away from his face. I couldn't help but let my eyes wander around him looking for a certain wavy haired boy.

I couldn't see him and I wondered if he was even here. I wouldn't have been surprised if Nico had lied just to get me here. I'd been dodging just about everyone for the past two weeks. Nico had tried to stop me one day when I got home but I ignored him not wanting to listen to what he had to say.

"Don't make me regret doing this for you." He grumbled.

"Is he even here?" I asked.

I didn't really feel like being around the crowd for too long. Whenever I went to parties I didn't stay around people for very long. I got drunk and then went upstairs with some girl hoping to forget for just one night. It hadn't worked yet but for some reason I had kept trying. No one's hands could ever erase the past, nothing seemed to make it go away.