MEMORIES OF YOU

CHAPTER THIRTY THREE - IF ONLY

Xavier POV

"So??" I said as I took a seat and gave the water to her.

"Thank you!" She said as she finished gulping her water.

"You're always welcome babe!"

"So???" I said to her again.

I think I've been using those words for how many tonight. I mean, I just want her to feel comfortable with me. I want her to feel that she can lean on me and she can tell me anything.

"You know some part of my past right? That I got in an accident that made my memories shambles. But the worst part is that I don't even know why or how we got there. It was a total blank after the accident happened. But….. !" She gulped painfully and I can feel that she's having a hard time because of this.

"Hey, hey it's ok! Don't go too fast!" I said to her as I held her hand trying to assure her.

"Then everything is blurry after that. I was unconscious for how many days and I woke up to find that my parents were all dead. What's more was that not just one died that night but also….. I found out that I was about three months pregnant. I was so shocked…. Confused…. For I can't even think of someone. I don't even know the father of my child!" After she blurted the word child. I feel like my heart stops for a moment.

She's pregnant at that time? Why did she never tell me?

"You see, it's one of the reasons why I can't be in a relationship. There's a part of me I can't explain nor understand. Why? Why? What happened that night? I have a lot of baggage on my back. I don't want you to get entangled in this. So I am asking you to stay away. You don't deserve someone like me!" She said and I looked at her.

This is her reason why? Why can't I enter her heart? Why is she very hesitant to open up to me?

We had a child? Together?

I looked at her then hugged her with all my might. She might have been through a lot. The pain and losing someone you love. And the pain of losing your memories. She's hurt now I understand. But I have to make her understand that I am not going anywhere.

She hugged me back surprisingly. I slowly gathered myself and put a small distance from us.

"Babe, I don't care about it! I love you for who you are!" I don't care if I have to tell her the lies. I don't care if I have to pretend that I didn't know we had a child together and lose it.

Right now I want to move on with her. And make her feel that I am with her. If time comes she will remember everything and that's the point I have to pay for everything.

For now, I want to love her. I want to make her feel that I am here and that I won't leave her alone.

"You don't understand Xavier. I killed my parents and my child. I don't know how to put this but I don't know where to begin after everything happened. Do you think I can just let someone inside like that? I don't think so! " She said to me.

Judging from the sound of her voice I know she's hurting from within. And it's two effects on me. But I need to be strong for her.

Seeing her fighting this alone makes me think how idiot I am. If I hadn't been such an idiot before, maybe we would already be family by now. The longing and resentment I feel to myself I want to shout but I can't.

This is not the right time for her to know. And also I don't have any clue what happened back there. All I know is that she was hurt by me. For my reckless and thoughtless actions.

I just hope that one day she will come to remember it. I will be there for her and I will never leave her even if she's not going to choose me anymore.

I held her hand, pressing it softly. It's like telling her that I am here and that I see her.

"Babe, you don't have to let me in for now. I'll wait. I know it would be hard for you to open the possibility of love again and I know you have second thoughts especially about your parents. I love you so damn much! If you let me I will make you feel my love for you every time!"

She let out a small chuckle and I smiled. At least she's smiling now.

"Xavier, you don't need someone like me!"

"I need someone like you. I see you babe! Look at me!" I said to her as I put my finger on her chin making her look straight to me. " You can't change my mind with those things. I am staying and I promise you I am here to make you feel that I want something for you. To make you feel I want forever with you!" I said as I brushed the strands of her hair that were falling in front of her face and tucked it on her ears.

"You are beautiful. Any man would be so happy to have you. And I want you for myself only!" I said as I caressed her cheeks lovingly.

Her cheeks instantly flushed red for my sudden gesture. As if she's embarrassed enough she avoided my touch as she took a side glance at her face.

"Don't do that!" She said, stammering.

"Why would I? I mean what I said!" I said to her,

"Why are you not backing away? Why?" She huffed as if she's not expecting this to happen.

I think she thought after her confession I would run hills away from her. But it's contrary to what she thought I would react. If only she knows.