MEMORIES OF YOU

CHAPTER FIFTY - BELONG

Xavier POV

I was wondering what really happened in the past. And how she ended up here without any memories of me before. But when I found out everything, Damn! It's like a big slap to me.

Hearing those makes me think low or myself. What did I done those stupid thing? Why did I not value her?

I know she loves me so much back there. She's my little pretty nerd. I have feelings for her but my ego can't just accept it.

I was blinded too much. I want my girlfriend to look presentable and modern. But now I realize nothing wrong with what she looked back there .

I gladly prefer her looks before than now since she's very beautiful and every guy wants to look at her. And I super hate it.

"I am sorry babe, please I know I don't have any right to ask you this. I am sorry I am an idiot back there. That I didn't value you sooner. How pathetic and blinded I am. I am stupid, idiot and moron… But believe me when you leave. I felt like I lost part of my world. I didn't go to parties anymore. I cut my ties to those women I bedded!" She looked at me but I didn't see in her face that she's convince or believed what I said.

"Xavier… You don't have to put some words to make me feel better! I accepted it. Actually the moment I called my parents. It was the time that I said I had enough. I will move on and live far away. I don't care if you won't get to see our child. Because I don't think you need it. You can have any girl to have your baby!" She said and my heart dropped.

"Babe .. no! No… !" I said as I kept pressing her hand.

"Xavier .. !" When she stared at me I knew at that moment something was wrong.

"No…. Don't break my heart babe. Please… I am begging you. Don't ever think of it. I am willing to repent all my mistakes. I will be good… I promise! You feel it right? I really really love you. I can't even live without seeing you!" I said. I didn't know tears started to fall but I don't care. I love this girl so much. I am so damn afraid now.

I feel like my life will slip away from me from any moment.

"Maybe we really belong to each other Xavier!" I looked at her stunned and hurt.

"What are you talking about? Not belong? I am here…. You are here! What belong are you talking about? Fuck… I love you can't you see???? Please don't say something like that….!" This time I hugged her like my life depended on it.

"Xavier… Please don't make this hard for the both of us!"

"Stop it!" I said, shaking my head while my head was on her neck.

"Xavier…!" Before she could finish I faced her.

"Let's get married! I will prove to you that we belong to each other. I won't let you go! I don't have a ring now but later I will call my secretary. Then we can have our wedding here? A civil wedding for now then later the mass wedding!"

"Xavier no! I don't want you to marry me to know we belong to each other. My point is that. Each time I got pregnant with you. Things went wrong. I can't risk my baby anymore. If being with you can hurt me and my baby then I would rather lose you!"

"No….!

"Xavier what I mean to say! Maybe we need a bit of time or space away from each other!"

"I don't want it. I don't need space! I want you with me! I know it's selfish but babe, I can't. Please don't think of something like that!"

"I am sorry but I decided to give each other space. Use that time to look for something. As I told you, maybe we are not meant to be!"

"Babe, are you trying to give me to someone else? Do you hear yourself? If you want space then how many days? Please don't make it a month. I can't live without you. Just thinking of not seeing you makes me go crazy!"

"I am not! "

"Yes you are! You are talking like you don't need me. What about our baby? Who will look after you? Come on, can you reconsider it babe? You're the one for me and I am the one for you! I know I have made terrible mistakes. But baby I won't do it again. I promise you. The day you left was the day I know you're the one for me. I lost that very important part and now I have you again? Do you think I will allow you to just disappear? I've been looking for you. No matter where I go. No matter who I am with. It was always you that I am looking for. The moment you walk in the door as my doctor back then was the moment I know faith has given me another chance. So I won't waste it. Silly is that, I have been looking for you everywhere but only find you at our hospital. They're wearing your doctor uniform, smiling happily with the patients!" I said to her

I close the distance between us and I kiss her lips but only smack.

"I don't want anyone else. I am sorry I didn't tell you about your past. Because I don't know if you will want me again. What if you decide to leave me? I am so scared, very scared. Connor and Matthew are just there to talk about business. Amber went with them. That girl has been a pain in my ass as she keeps bugging me. I told her I don't want her! She wants me to help her with her modelling career!"

"Then??" She asks me.

"Of course I did not help her. I don't know what I saw back there on her. How did I ever think of being with that woman? I am ashamed of my past self for being low and stupid!"