MY SECRET LOVER (18+)

Chapter 38: I TRIED

MADDY POV:

I locked the doors and walked up to my room. Without them here I had nothing to do, which I actually hated. They wanted me to get a little break. I understand why but I like when they're around me.

I wanted to do more things but I was still weak after giving birth. I pulled out my phone and immediately decided to text Sofia. She took my baby for the day and I don't know how Axel feels about that especially since he hates kids.

Hey how's the baby - Maddy

Come on Maddy. Today is your break - Sofia

But you know how much I hate breaks - Maddy

Don't worry its only for today plus we're all coming over tonight for you to pick out the name from the hat - Sofia

I would never forget about that. I'm honestly excited for it but I'm hoping that I don't pull out any of the names that Axel wrote, something tells me that it might be a weapon name or something.

I put my phone on the table next to me. Everything is fine. I just need to waste time and they'll be back here before I know it. I left my room and walked into the room next to Vincenzo and mines.

It was already painted and decorated. This room is for our baby girl. We wanted her to have her own room, not now though. For now she sleeps in the room with us. We put her in the middle and I take an end and he takes the other.

He is a little scared to have her all alone in a room hence she sleeps with us, but I don't mind. He literally went all out. I looked over at all the toys and Teddy bears that he bought her. He couldn't choose which was the best so he bought all.

Money is nothing to us so he spends it on his family. After all money, no matter how much you have cannot give you the amount of happiness you get out of love. Yes, money gives you happiness, but not the one that opens every nerve in your body. It's something like no other.

I walked up to one of the bears that he bought her. I had one just like it. Whenever there was thunder or lightening I'd hold the bear tightly and shut my eyes, and now I like the sound of thunder and the sight of lightening.

Vincenzo told me that I should write a letter to our daughter. Something that she could open when she gets older and I had been weak to do it but since I have free time, why not do it now. I went to Vincenzo's office and took a pen and a paper then I walked back to my room.

This wasn't hard to do at all. I wrote the way I felt about her and about her father. One day when my baby opens this letter she'll know how much we both love her. I signed the paper then folded it.

I walked into her room and placed my letter next to the one that Vincenzo wrote. From the day that our baby was born, he wrote a letter of his own and placed it under the pillow so I placed mines next to his.

We made a deal that I won't open his and he won't open mines. I don't know what he wrote but I'm sure it's perfect just like him.

I walked back into my room and realized that only twenty minutes passed. Fuck, it's going to be a long day. I'm sure that Vincenzo, Ace and Axel reached their destination and teaching those fuckers a lesson.

Having nothing to do was definitely a killer. I looked for anything to do and I realized that I didn't write in my diary after being pregnant. I pulled it out and began writing how I felt.

Dear myself,
It's me again. I was busy for months and I almost forgot to write but here I am trying to make up for all the months that passed.

It's been hard at first. Lucas had my heart and I never admitted it but I did have love for him. He was after all my first love and he was always good to me until he cheated. Then came Vincenzo taking me to Italy with him.

I didn't expect to fall for him as quick as I did and some people would even say that I was dumb for falling so quickly but I saw a piece of me in him. His eyes was telling a story with both of us in it.

From the moment he tried to help me was when I was burning myself, that was a old habit. I began doing that since I was younger to handle any pain that I felt and when he held onto me and talked to me. The way he looked in my eyes as if he wasn't going anywhere..it made me want to stay.

Maybe it was an attraction at first. The way I wanted to fuck him badly, but then I realized that it wasn't just an attraction. I began caring for him. I began looking forward for the small things like him talking to me, him looking at me.

He felt it too. He never thought that he had the heart to love someone but he did and it scared him away, even from me. I wouldn't blame him though, he knew that if he let me in then anyone would harm me to get to him.

He was afraid of being loved or falling in love but the ultimate thing that he was afraid of was that he wouldn't be able to protect the one he loves, if he ever fell in love. It's not his fault, he knows the dangers that come with being a Mafia King.

He gave me that contract and then I stumbled at the wrong person at the right time. Cruz just came into my life and I didn't like him, not one bit but I wanted him to make me forget Vincenzo.

It's fucking wrong and stupid but I just wanted him out of my head, it happened so quickly and I slept with him. At the time I didn't feel guilty because I thought that Vincenzo was fucking someone else. I thought that we were even and I'll never forgive myself for that.

As the time went by Cruz began doing small things. He would take care of me and be gentle and me being a stupid asshole, I fell too easily. I realized that I loved him.

I didn't understand how I could love two people at once, but there was one that I loved more. I loved Vincenzo more and I wanted us but because of that contract, I chose Cruz.

It's a good thing that I have Ace. He snapped me out of my fantasies and I began using my brains again and Cruz didn't want me, maybe a little but not enough since he tried to kill me.

It broke me when I stabbed him but it was my psycho killer reflexes. Vincenzo found me but I wanted to die. First Lucas then Cruz. I was a lost cause and I didn't see the need to live through pain all the time. I thought that my life would never be good, but he saved me.

He saved me and he doesn't even know how much he's saved me. I pushed him away at first but then I started back seeing his vulnerable side and I fell for him all over again.

I still think that I moved on from Cruz quickly. Anyone would say that I am stupid for being quick in everything but I looked at Vincenzo and he was the one here.

Not Lucas, not Cruz. He was the one and he was different. We were broken together and we healed each other. Now here I am, months after everything passed.

We're happy together. We don't believe in those silly fairytale but we were never the hero's anyway. We were the villains who had control over others and we'll do it together.

All I have to say is that I was meant to be here. With my baby and my soon to be husband. This is the happiest I've ever been. Bye!

I closed my book and hid it back. I heard my belly grumble so I walked downstairs and took out some food and sat on the couch in the living room. I turned on the TV and began watching Twilight. I saw it already but why not watch it again.

I took a sip of water and was so focused on the show that I threw the glass on the floor instead of placing it on the table.

I bend over and my eyes looked to the side and I saw my guards on the floor. What the fuck? I walked closer and there was a pool of blood. I dropped everything and ran to my room to get my dagger and gun.

I fought but then I was face flat on the floor. I'd kill all these assholes if I wasn't weak. I heard the sound of bodies dropping and I knew that they were killing all my guards.

I felt a gun pointed to my head and I can't die. Not now, my daughter doesn't even know me. "please," I murmured.