Icarus | Z.M.

21 | Presentable

Victoria Tomlinson

Dead silence.

That's what the car journey had been so far, the entire morning too, completely silent between us.

After last night, Zayn helped me to clean up a little bit, took me to the bathroom and gave me a pair of his boxers to wear since I had made a mess of my own underwear. It was painfully awkward afterwards, because we both knew it shouldn't have happened, and it was a mistake.

It was a mistake.

He had woken me up early this morning, saying it was best to take me home so my parents wouldn't get anymore worried, but I hadn't received a single text or phone call from either of them to ask if I was okay after a bunch of men shot up the dinner.

I was still wearing Zayn's shirt and his boxers when he took me home, I had nothing else to wear since the only clothes I had was the white dress I wore last night, but that was stained red, and I was sure Zayn had just thrown it out, it wasn't like I wanted it back.

I had no idea what I was supposed to feel, I didn't regret it, but I knew I should regret it. I should want to take it back because it should never have happened in the first place. But I didn't need to feel bad about something that made me feel good. I just wished Zayn would say something, I had no idea what he was feeling, thinking, anything about him.

Not knowing what he was thinking was worst than any internal battle I was facing.

It was his teasing smirks, it made me feel like he was proud of himself for getting me to agree to that. I agreed to it because I wanted to, he had been teasing me the entire night, constantly touching my thigh and higher up my leg, kissing my neck. I knew I wanted it.

It had been on my mind all last night. I thought I wouldnt have been able to sleep because of what happened at the dinner and the last thing I expected was to not be able to sleep because I was overthinking the fact I let my bodyguard kiss me then finger me on his kitchen counter.

I knew I was making a bigger deal out of it than I needed to. What happened happened and there was nothing I could do to take it back. But at the same time, it was a big deal, because if anyone found out, my dad would quite literally kill him and then me. It wasn't just like secretly hooking up with someone and keeping it a secret from my friends, this was the kind of thing I'd be punished for, and I really did not want to know what the punishment was going to me.

My head was resting on the window of the car, feeling the subtle vibrations of the engine as he drove me home. My leg was bouncing and I was desperate for a coffee and a cigarette, something to calm my nerves down a little bit.

He was dressed in his black suit as usual, looking completely put together and sharp like he always did. While I sat looking pretty much like a homeless person beside him in the car.

The car was silent, he hadn't said anything and neither had I. I didn't even want to breathe, I hoped if I was quietly enough then he would forget I was here.

I wanted to put on the radio to fill the dead silence, but I didn't want to move either.

"Victoria," he said my name bluntly, breaking the silence.

Oh god.

I didn't say anything but sat up from the window and turned to face him.

"You regret it." he stated, not asking, as if he had already made the decision in his head.

I shook my head, stuttering out a response, "I—no I don't,"

He turned to me and gave an accusing look, "You hesitated."