A journal I guess

Children and the "experience" Community (?)

As I flipped through the many Journals and books on here, I realized one pattern that I couldn't overlook. Well, several, actually.

They all want this for themselves. They want to be monsters that tear others down. They want to be on the side of "evil," as they call it. Why would anyone want this willingly? I know that villains are portrayed as stronger and "cooler" than the heroes, but do give me a break! If you were to actually join Them? Or become one of Their targets? You would have to face losing everything that you love before your very eyes. It's not the easier, simpler life. It's not a way to escape your own shitty life. Isn't it a rule of thumb to not mess with eldritch terrors? Or was that just never taught in school?

What part of "beyond your imagination" don't you understand? There is always something not quite human with these creatures, even the human looking ones. They don't come close to humanity. They can't love, they can't care, all they know how to do is destroy others and kill. The blood is on their hands. Do you understand that? I know you might think that you'd be OK with seeing blood and death, but that just shows that you've never experienced death or seen someone severely injured. If you have and still think it's fun and interesting, you lack the emotional and mental capacity to be here to begin with.

You're not "insane," you're not "quirky," and you most definitely aren't a servant. Diving into this rabbit hole won't be harmless like Alice in Wonderland was. You won't make funny, interesting friends that also happen to be murderers. And even if you were deemed clinically insane, it wouldn't be fun or cool. Insanity is something that eats at your mind like a worm until the only thing left are holes. Mental illness doesn't make you insane. Thinking about killing someone doesn't make you insane. You know what does? Rambling on and on about the vacum cleaner actually being a monster trying to eat you alive. Clinically insane people have no grasp of reality or the world around them. They aren't cool, creepy people. They can barely FUNCTION.

Foolish foolish children thinking they rule the world :) naughty naughty.

Fun fun fun :)

No, I'm not insane. I don't even come close. The voices don't make you insane, either. You'd have to be a danger to yourself or others first, and even then you'd still not be clinically insane. It takes A LOT OF SHIT to be insane. It's not just giggling to yourself randomly or talking to yourself. It's so much more complicated than that.

I thought you were smarter than that :)

Do you really want to lose your friends and family? Do you really want a life of constant pain and suffering? Do you really want your entire world to revolve around loss and death? Of course not. Nobody ever does. You just think you do because your life isn't interesting to you. Because you think that it'd give your life meaning. There's BETTER ways, I promise. This ISN'T the way. It isn't.

Death leaves this emptiness and sense of loss inside your chest. Something most people never recover from. Remember the sobbing from the tablet chapter? That's how you'll feel EVERY DAY. Suffocating in your own tears, begging for it to stop. It doesn't get easier. It never gets easier.

Boohoo :) cry me a river :))

Stop that. Anyway, as I was saying, you don't want any of this shit for yourself. Sure, some of them were forcefully taken, but some weren't. It's all the same no matter what you choose. You can't avoid death and suffering no matter what side you're on.

Dont even get me started on the SIDE EFFECTS. Ashes ashes we all fall down :)

God, just, ugh. Never mind. Depending on what creature(s) you got into shit with, you'll experience some side effects. These include blood blood blood :) these include but aren't limited to, throwing up blood, pain everywhere (mostly in the head,) forgetfulness, PAIN :), hallucinations, extreme hysteria or paranoia, and insanity. Sorry, hard to think clearly right now lmao.

So no, you don't want "the sickness" or whatever the fuck you call it. That's like saying you want cancer. It's PAINFUL IT HURTS IT HURTS IT HURTS

:)) Boo

All this shit changes you. You won't be the same person after everything you go through. The trauma of it itself is enough to drive anyone insane. Most people would panic. Like I did at first lmao. Shit, this is actually REAL? And I'm about to DIE? Good stuff. But if you are caught up in this, it's important to NOT PANIC. Easier said than done, I know. But the more you panic and go around in circles, the more vulnerable you are to literal insanity. Whatever you see, whatever you hear, accept it :) it doesn't bite

Fair enough. But yes, it is important to accept it and move on with your life, like I'm doing right now. If you've read earlier chapters, the more you acknowledge and fight against the tide, the more it plays with your brain like a soccer ball. Let it go. It gives you more time.

Run rabbit run rabbit run run run :))

Yes thank you for the oh so valuable input.

I don't know what it fucking is, it's a side effect that happens to everyone in the early stages. RUN RUN RUN :) Wild. I'll try to talk about it more in the next chapters so you can have a better understanding of the uh, darker side of servants.

That's another point. Most of the time you don't know that you're fucking up someone else's life. You usually won't be the one in control. It takes over your entire personality and entire sense of self. It's an easier transition for people that choose it, but it's still a nightmare to go through. You don't fucking want it. At no point does it EVER get easier. It's a slippery slope straight into hell.

STUPID STUPID LOOK AT IT ALL :) BANG BANG BANG