A journal I guess

A small story.

There is a very sad persian tale, one of a little black fish who wished to venture out of her pond. You'd think a children's story would have a happy ending, but this one, no matter how many times I read it, did not. My parents read it to me every night, and once I could read, I read it to myself and cried. I think somewhere deep down, I saw myself in her.

"I want to go see where the stream ends. You know, Mother, I've been wondering where the end of the stream is ... I haven't been able to think about anything else. I didn't sleep a wink all night. At last, I decided to go and find where the stream ends. I want to know what's happening in other places."

The mother laughed - "When I was a child, I used to think a lot like that. But, my dear, a stream has no beginning and no end. That's the way it is. The stream just flows and never goes anywhere."

"But mother dear, isn't it true that everything comes to an end? Nights end, days end, weeks, months, years ..."

And so the fish set out to find the end of the stream. To find the world beyond. For generations her family had lived in that small pond and swum around in circles. Was there truly a world beyond that small body of water, where she would see the moon glow every night?

Everyone thought the black fish insane. What a thing to say, when their entire world was right here. Why would there be any reason to leave? But she was determined to find the answers she was seeking. Along the way she met a lizard, who gave her a dagger to protect herself against pelicans. Other fish wished to accompany her to the end of the stream, but were too afraid of the pelican. Yet despite that fear, the next day, Little Black Fish saw them following her.

The pelican caught them. The darkness swallowed them whole. The pelican, using the other fish's desperation against them, ordered the Little Black Fish to be strangled to death for the price of their freedom. But she managed to convince them with the dagger she still had, to pretend to kill her instead. Truly, the Pelican had been deceiving the fish. So she split open the pouch while he was swallowing them and they all escaped unharmed.

Soon, they reached the sea, to which the river flowed. But the sea was plagued by a heron. It caught the little black fish. She decieved it once and managed to get away, but barely a second had passed before it caught her and swallowed her down. There, in the Heron's stomach, she met another small fish who was crying.

"You there . . .Who are you?" responded the tiny fish. "Can't you see? ...I'm ...dy...ing. O, me ...oh, my ...oh, oh ...mama ...I ...I can't come with you to pull the fisherman's net to the bottom of the sea any more ...oh, oh ...oh, oh!"

The black fish told him of her plan. She would tickle the Heron's stomach to let the other fish escape, and end the Heron with the dagger once and for all. The small fish managed to escape according to plan and jumped out of the Herons throat.

The small fish waited. And waited. The Heron came down, dead as a nail. But there was, and never would be, a sign of the little black fish.

The Little Black Fish's story is not a happy one. But it is one full of hope and determination. It reminds us that we all die. And easily, too. But what matters is that we go out knowing our death would have changed the lives of others forever. That we influenced something. She was not afraid of death. She had satisified all of her curiosities, and gotten all the answers she needed. Life is far too short to spend it all in a little pond. And yet, so many of us do. Trapped inside narrow mindsets and small worlds, we only know what we believe, hear, and see. Those who venture outside, or think of doing so, are shunned or deemed outcasts. We are threatened and intimidated by change. We are frightened of death and what lies beyond it, because we are not satisfied with our little ponds. We all want to see and experience something more, something beyond this. There has to be something else, we think. So we travel to space and land on the moon and try to find intelligent life. The world has to have an end and a beginning, and we are determined to one day find it. The truth is, humans are and always will be drawn to things much bigger than themselves. We have the tendency to think of questions we have no answers to, but have the urge to seek. Will that always end well? No. In trying to find the answers, in trying to do the right thing, we will fail. Many, many times. We will die and perish. Our world will be filled with pain and suffering. But despite it all, despite all of the hardships pursuing what you love brings, it'll all be worth it in the end. The phrase, curiosity killed the cat is incomplete.

"Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back."

There certainly are many things we should not ponder, that we should not go after. But we only have one chance. It's better to die satisfied, and live on in the hearts of others like the Little Black Fish, who by killing the Heron, and sacrificing herself, saved the lives of everyone in the sea. We should still try to do the right thing out of selflessness, so that others after us will live easier, less painfully. So that they won't have to face the fears we did. In reality, The Little Black Fish is a story of courage. Of facing what is foreign and frightening. Of ending generational pain and creating a new beginning. We won't always succeed, after all, we are human. And I think that is the most painful truth of all. Sometimes there is nothing we can do to survive. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't try.

So yes, I see myself in her. To you, I may seem ambitious, a little too hopeful. Maybe too naive. But at least I'm trying to do what is right. At least I haven't given up or lost myself in the confusion. While you are afraid of death, I am afraid of having had no influence on others after my death.

The persian version is much more depressing than the english translation. The words used are so powerful that it brings one to tears. You can't help but want the little black fish to survive, to get her wish. Life isn't always so simple, or hopeful. But one thing is for certain; I will always hold this story close to my heart.