A journal I guess

What is being a servant really like?

Oh, don't pretend like you haven't had this question for many months now. I rarely discuss this, and for good reason. First I think I need to address the elephant in the room. Regarding Creepypastas, that's not related to anything I've discussed so far. They are not Creepypasta. I hope the disappointment will drive you far, far away from here. Yes, Creepypasta are just fictional stories created on the internet. But those stories are based off something, derived off a piece of reality, whether consciously or not. Creepypasta itself will never be what these creatures are. They are not the way you imagine them, or heard about them. It's difficult to put into words what They exactly are, but They exist on a plane so beyond our perception that everyone sees Them differently. The brain fills in the gaps, and when it can't, you feel that strange uneasiness, as you do with the Tall One, or Tree man, Or the Hollow Man, they're all the same creature. Assuredly, that creature has a face. You cannot perceive it, you cannot fill in the gaps, for the brain cannot create a new face. And so all you're left with is a blank slate. You probably can't imagine what His features might be like, either. They are not human, not alien, there are no eyes, no ears, and no nose or mouth, but He has a face. You don't understand, do you? Exactly. That's what I mean by beyond perception and understanding.

I despise those who pretend as if they have a single clue what they are facing. There is a reason why we've failed to beat Them at Their own game. Humans have limitations. We may be clever, and some wise, but in the end our only hope is using our brain, which is more limited than anything else. It's fragile, full of neurons and pathways which any trauma, physical or mental, can sever or even worse, destroy completely. So ask yourselves, if you were able to percieve Them, would you survive? If They did not kill you, could you be assured of your sanity? The human brain is easily overwhelmed with data it can't translate. If you hear something the brain can't translate, you will probably not hear it at all. If you see something you can't perceive, you won't see it at all. The brain naturally tunes it out for your safety. Yes, I'm human too. I cannot percieve Them any better than you can. But at least I understand, or rather have an idea of what I'm dealing with. While you flaunt around your "knowledge" proudly, I'm forced to deal with the consequences of your stupidity. What do you think my job is? Why did I even become a Servant? To clean up the mess that we all made, bit by bit. Picking up the pieces of our broken society and building it again. You think it was selfish of me. Yes, I did it to survive. But I also did it so we could all survive a bit longer. I bought us precious time. Of course you don't understand what goes on behind the scenes. You see a Servant and think, they are decieving me. We are not monsters. I don't claim to be a saint, or a hero. Nobody ever is or can be. But unlike you, I'm trying to take action. I have to be selfish or else everything will collapse in on itself. Do you think I like being forced to do His bidding? Being a slave? Not having free will to choose who to be? I don't expect you to thank me or show gratitude. But I do expect respect. Respect for what Servants do.

You've heard of an odd few who were horrible, absolute tyrants. At least, to you. But what I see are broken people trying to live another day. It's not fun, it's not an adventure. You have to give up a part of yourself, throw away your morality and your beliefs, your faith, your trust, your love. Everything. Oh yes, you didn't think that was part of the deal, did you? I didn't just choose to become this way. I had no other options. And if you were me, you'd do the same. I had to protect the people I loved, and most importantly, myself. I'm selfish, and I feel no shame for that. The lengths I've gone to in order to be here right now, I feel no shame for. You praise soldiers for protecting their country, but when it comes to Servants, we're suddenly villains and monsters. There is no right side. Only those who live, and those who die. What, did you think there were heroes and villains? This is real life. Even runners, even gatherers, have done unspeakable things to survive. You weren't there when I watched them tear each other apart like animals. It's human nature, we are just advanced animals. Nobody can argue with their instinct.