A journal I guess

Suffering awaits you.

He tried to kill him. He tried to kill my bird. I had to watch from behind the scenes as HABIT strangled the life out of my screeching bird. Thankfully, my nagging seemed to annoy him more, and he let go. Why did he do it? Just because my bird EXISTED, sitting on the side of his food bag. He grabbed the struggling bird from the ground like it was nothing, didn't react to the biting and screeching, and proceeded to strangle him. How can a being be so...so oblivious? So cruel? So merciless? And he used my body to do it, made me watch as my bird gave me the most hurt, betrayed look. It was torture, and I know he did it on purpose. That's his thing.

I need to get away. But where would I go? My very existence is a threat to everything I love. I thought becoming a servant would keep them safe. But HABIT is another problem entirely. He's not one of Them, and not one of us, he does whatever the fuck he wants and I think, that's even worse. The completely unpredictable nature of him scares me. He's a ticking bomb that could go off at any time. And I don't have the power to stop him. He knows that.

This is what They are. Devoid of any morals, any sympathy or guilt. They don't understand morals and they never will. These creatures, no matter how human They may seem, are far from it. They look pretty in front of us, deceive us, and then stab us in the back. Habit seems human. He eats Reese's like it's water. He has a purple grabby hand that he uses. He listens to music and he laughs like we do. But there's always something about him that'll never be quite right. He can never BE human, no matter how much he mimics us. He lacks what makes us human; love.

We all love something, or are loved by something. Whether it's an animal or person, or even an object, we love. We care for the things we cherish. Even the most evil, vile person among us, has something that they love. There's many different versions of love. And They can't feel a single one. Or, let me rephrase this, they don't care enough to. Love is a learned behavior. It stems from receiving love. These creatures have never received love, and have never given it. How could They ever hope to understand it?

That's the coldness you see in Their eyes. The strange look They all seem to have. Those are the eyes of something that can't love. Pure maliciousness and lust for blood pouring through. They have no self control, because self control is based on morals. Do you understand? They won't even BAT AN EYE as They end your life. You can't fix Them. You can't cure Them of the insatiable thirst plaguing their entire soul. They will never be satisfied. It's an empty, cursed existence, where satisfaction never comes. I'd be angry and agitated, too, if nothing I ever did entertained or satisfied me. That's the life of The Collective. Always wanting more, and more, and more. HE gives them a purpose. A calling, something to break them out of the dullness of immortal life. That's why They follow Him so eagerly.

It doesn't matter why They do it. The takeaway from this is, They don't care what They do, and They never have. This wasn't for you, it was more so I could put down my feelings somewhere. I'm sick of losing what I love because of Them. Can I really never escape this nightmare no matter whose side I'm on? Is there no winning? I don't know. What I do know is, They will always win. And unless you're devoid of love like They are, I don't think you'd survive in Their world for a second.