Mated by Chance

7. I can't

I woke up to knocks on my window. I looked up and frowned as I rolled the window down.
Jesse. I looked past him at the world outside. It was sunset when I drove out here. I was at the shoreline of our city. It outlooks our local lake and has a parking spot near the ungated shore that allows you to look over the water. 

"Hey." He said smiling sadly at me.

"Hi." I croaked.

"Everyone has been worried sick." I felt guilty at his words as I opened the door and got out. I leaned against the car. It's like even in my dreams he lurked in the shadows giving me a temporary happiness. But when I awoke it was replaced with nothingness.

"It hurts." I admitted feeling the wave emotion come back. 

"Hey," he called reaching out to me. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his tight torso but all it did was made me feel worse. I was aware of the lack of sparks. He wasn't Roman.

I wanted Roman.

Mate.

"He wants to talk." He said pulling me back and looking at my face. I nodded. Inside I felt silly for wanting to run to him. I decided to think like a woman this time, not as a wolf. I walked slowly, alongside Jesse. Determined to make him wait.

He walked off and I followed behind him. I had never gone to the pack house before so it was a new experience passing all the houses full of wolves. I walked up to the biggest house and took a deep breath. Jesse looked at me with a sorrowful expression.

"I'm about to get rejected aren't I?" I asked pushing my bangs back.

He shook his head repeatedly. "He's not like that, Keri."

"My name is Kara, Keri's a nickname." I corrected. He cracked a smile at my attitude but I stayed rooted to the spot nonetheless. "I'm scared." I admitted.

"He wont bite." he teased grabbing my hand. "He's a good guy Kara. I swear." I sighed and nodded my head as I let him lead me into the big house. It was grand and old in the best way. It was a traditional house with modern accessories blended in. There wasn't a person in sight as Jesse led me upstairs to a room with dark oak doors.

He opened it after looking at me for permission and pushed me in slightly. My breath caught in my throat at him. He had changed since earlier and he looked even sexier in his comfort clothes. When I found his eyes taking me in I felt myself blush all over in a new emotion. Want.

"Hello Kara." he spoke first with a smile.

"Roman." I spoke bluntly as I welcomed myself to a seat.

"Id like to apologize to you about earlier. It caught me off guard. I had no idea that Cali had werewolf blood."

"She doesn't." I spoke highly. "I was adopted."

He made an O shape with his mouth. "I'm sorry."

"No need. Its not a touchy subject." I said.

"How old are you?" he asked leaning on his hands.

"I'll be 18 next fall." I answered looking anywhere but at him.

"Why have I never seen you?" he asked leaning closer to me.

"I've attended a boarding school in California." I explained easily finally turning to look at him.

He smiled. "California is nice."

I returned his grin. "It is. I love it there. There's free reign to just be whatever you want."

"Opposed to a small town when your destiny is chosen for you before you were even born." he added keeping my eye.

"Yeah." I agreed nodding aware of his tense face. "It is quite different."

"Do you want a mate?" I sighed.

I opened my mouth to say yes immediately but this didn't feel like a talk with my mate; it felt like a talk with my sister's boyfriend. I felt guilty.

"I was always told that mates were the most special thing in the world. When you find your, your world halts and it starts to focus around them. They are your reason for everything." I took a deep breath.

"Knowing that someone could have such a control over me scares me because I'm use to being the independent one. So I thought no. I don't want that." I could feel the hurt radiate off of him before I saw it on his face. He looked rejected. He looked exactly how I felt seeing him with Cali; unwanted.

"But then I met my bio mom. She's been hurt by the mate pull. Her first love found his and she told me how crushed she was but then she remembered how sorry he said he was.  He couldn't help but love her and want to be with her. He had tried and it was making him resent my mom. She said he couldn't contain the love that floated off of him as he broke her heart."

He was watching me confused and that's probably how I watched Rave tell it to me. "After all that, she still believes Mates are a saving grace. They are soul mate. The most precious bond in existence. It is fragile yet strong, it is dangerous but safe." I looked to his eyes.

"I would be crazy to not want that." I concluded. He broke out into a grin but I ignored my wolf's prideful aura and his want for me as I stood.

"But if I accept you, I would hurt my sister along the way." his face fell.

"But we're mates!"

"You don't get it." I said shaking my head. In a moment he was grabbing my arm lightly.

"Then make me." he urged looking into my eyes with the vulnerability no alpha is supposed to show, he placed his hand over his chest.  "You feel that? That's how you make me feel." His heart was in overdrive.

"The way she explained you to me. She adores you. Its not just some crush Roman. I feel so guilty for even wanting you knowing you belong to her." I said painfully. It was so hard being this selfless but I couldn't just steal her boyfriend.

"I belong to you." he said sternly. "You can't steal me if I'm giving myself to you. I am yours as you are mine." he grabbed my cheeks. He lifted his shirt to me showing my the mark that resided on his waist.

"Isn't this proof enough?" he teased at my reaction. The crescent moon was exactly like the mark I was born with. It was the mark of your soul. There were only two copies of each. One for you and one for your mate. Of course choice mates marks resembled each other. But no other wolf could have the same bond as your mate and yourself. I ran my finger over it slightly watching him tense as he watched me with wide eyes.

"There is nothing with Cali. It was never really serious. She doesn't even know I'm a wolf." he explained. "He went out for food once and the movies, but she's 

"No. She'll hate me." I panicked.

"So what do you want?"

"I don't know." I said close to tears. "Just pretend this never happened?"

"Pretend I never met my mate?" he asked incredulously. "How do expect me to do that?" he asked with his voice cracking.

"Please." I urged. "I just don't  know what to do"-

"Just go." he said shaking his head at me.

"Roman," I whispered in agony.

"Kara just go." he said sternly.

"But"- his growl cut me off and made the hair on the back of my neck stand. My wolf whimpered but I was angry. I growled. "Don't ever talk to me like that again." I told him turning to the door before I opened the door and walked out, not looking back even the my wolf wanted so badly to.