wanted - Eddie Munson

bad news first

March 23rd, 1986

I woke up, all too early, with a shiver running down my spine. The sun hadn't even come up yet and the lake in front of the boathouse had a layer of fog covering it. Eddie and I had agreed to sleep in the boat together, using the tarp and a few spare jackets from my car as a blanket. Although it wasn't the first time Eddie and I had slept together, it might as well have been with how awkward we were with each other. 

We'd finally adjusted ourselves comfortably, laying with our backs facing each other seemed like the best route before we'd had the chance to talk. And yet, here I am, waking up curled into Eddie's chest as his arms form a cage around me. His breathing is still level and his heart is slow and rhythmic, still asleep. A chill gust through the boathouse through the open wall causing another shiver.

Eddie's body was warm and I did my best to curl into him further without moving too much. Just when I thought I succeeded, he groaned through a yawn letting me know he was awake. 

Maybe if I close my eyes he'll think I'm still asleep. 

No, that's stupid. 

I slowly pulled away as far as I could, Eddie still had his arms wrapped around me tightly. I looked around, trying to find anything  I could land my eyes on so I didn't look at him but it was the second fail of the morning. Especially when his still half-asleep, raspy voice filled the small space. "Hmm, morning." 

"Morning." I was stiff and tense and I knew it. He, thankfully, pulled his arms away to press the heels of his palms into his eyes. Unfortunately, he took all of his warmth with him. "Sorry if I woke you up."

He absentmindedly shook his head while yawning, "You're all good, didn't sleep much anyways." 

I didn't have to ask why. Sadly, he probably wouldn't be getting a good night's sleep for a while. I know firsthand how seeing something like that can mess you up. 

I moved to sit on one of the tables as he sat on the edge of the boat in front of me and suddenly the awkwardness was back and we sat in uncomfortable silence. Neither of us knew what to say or do and I hated it. I hated that this is who we've become but I can't just fix it this time. If what he said was true then he has to fix it, and he has to be the one to make an effort. I can't keep pushing at something for him to not give anything back. 

As if he knew what I was thinking, he looked up at me with sad eyes.  "I think we should talk." 

"Yeah, we should." 

He sighed, nodded, and bowed his head all at one time. "About what I said on your birthday..." He stopped and scrubbed a hand down his face. "Look, I'm sorry I showed up and got upset with you. It wasn't fair." 

"Mhmm." I pursed my lips as I hummed in response. I couldn't help but replay the events in my head, how angry he was after seeing me hug Steve. Part of me understands where he was coming from, he didn't know that Steve was just a friend. But a bigger part of me is still very much upset that he wouldn't even give me the chance to explain or believe me when I did tell him Steve was a friend. 

He wasn't saying anything else. He went quiet and for some reason, it agitated me. Does he really think that was all we needed to talk about? Guess so from the silence. 

I know I said I wasn't going to be the one to fix this but I need to know. With a deep breath, I asked the question that had been racking my brain for a month. "Did you mean it?" 

He looked up and his eyes met mine with an unreadable emotion behind them. His eyes traced my face as his shoulders rose and fell with every heavy breath, his throat bobbed and he looked back down before quietly muttering. "Yes."