Built To Fall | Poe Dameron

A Favor

Evangeline's P.O.V.

You're only a Jedi because of your grandfather, Evangeline. Everything special about you came from him.

"You'll never be easy to find, will you?"

The sound of my mother's voice makes me instantly drop Rey's words in my mind. Glancing up, I find Leia walking towards me slowly with a small smile. Offering her a brief smile of my own, I lean back in my chair and face back at the data on the hologram.

I'm in a control room, sitting in front of a desk looking over outdated First Order attack plans. It's been a day since what transpired between Rey and me. No one has tried sparking a conversation with me since that day and I'm grateful everyone has taken a hint.

"I had a very interesting talk with your favorite commander this morning." 

Leia speaks up in a casual tone while pulling up a chair next to me. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her sit down in the chair while staring at me in concern. Rolling my eyes and rubbing my forehead, I grumble tiredly while keeping my eyes on the hologram.

"I just lost my temper for a moment, mom. It's no big deal." Crossing my arms then, I send Leia a bored expression and mumble. "I'll apologies to Rey one of these days."

"You sound just like your father." 

Leia breathes out with an amused crooked smile, which causes me to roll my eyes. Poe must have told her what happened between Rey, Finn and me; I sense he only did it out of worry about my wellbeing. I want to be angry about Dameron sharing what transpired yesterday with my mother, but I can't bring myself to do so.

I send Leia a look that says, I know, before moving my eyes away from her. There's a moment of silence between us then as we both glance around our surroundings aimlessly. We both don't know what to say first, but we both know what is on our minds.

"You want to talk about it?" My mom speaks up in a genuine tone with no judgment. Glancing at her for a second, I shrug my shoulders and ask. "What's there to talk about?"

"There's plenty to talk about." Leia points out honestly while giving me a knowing look. "You just have to be willing to talk about it, Eva."

Letting out a defeated breath, I turn the desk chair I'm sitting on to face my mother. She's watching me with a sympathetic and understanding expression. There's so much to talk about, but now I don't even know where to begin.

The resistance is counting on me to find Luke, but I've given up. My father is hoping I can turn Ben back to the light side, but I don't know how without losing my life. The fight with Rey was only out of frustration and bitterness; though it did nothing but make my situation worse for me.

One conversation with my mother can't fix everything going on in my mind. It would take months to unpack everything going inside my head to Leia; talking to her can't even help me with my physical problems. Though I can see her trying to help me in any way she can; even if all she can do is give me a listening ear.

I've never been good at expressing myself; I don't to how to explain how I feel. Growing up as a Jedi, I'm taught to not listen to my feelings but to the force. Though ever since the Luke disappeared and my brother became Kylo Ren, I haven't been able to balance my feelings with the force and come out of it with peace of mind.