Built To Fall | Poe Dameron

Can't Live Without Them

Poe's P.O.V.

Everything is different.

It's been almost a month since Evangeline left to become a Jedi Master. Everything for me has been different since she's left and in ways I never expected. The resistance has gone on living like it always has before Eva showed up, but I haven't been able to bring myself to do the same.

Things are different in every way for me and no matter how hard I try to go back to living here as I did before Eva, I can't. Whenever I see BB-8, go into the refectory or the hangar, I catch myself glancing around in search of Eva. When I pass by Eva's personal gym, I look inside as if she's in there, silently meditating.

If I talk to Han or Leia about anything, I feel as if we're missing something or someone in our presences. I'll go to my bunker for the night and peek over to Eva's room, even though I know no one is on the other side of the front door. I feel as if I'm alone with no one to talk to, but I spend most of my days with my squad or my droid.

The things I once did, before Eva came into my life, don't appeal to me anymore. There is no hunger or desire in me to move up in ranks or to fill my time with nameless women. Eva changed everything in my life without me realizing and now she's gone for who knows how long.

"Poe?" I suddenly hear Finn's voice from behind me. "What the blazes are you doing up here?"

"Finn... Hey, buddy." I speak up while glancing behind me and raising my drink to my lip. "I just needed some time away from my squad and ended up here."

Glancing to my side, my gaze meets the spot Eva once sat in when her world was hanging on by a thread. I'm sitting on the roof of the resistance's base, in the same spot I sat in when I found Eva up here. However, I don't plan on mentioning to Finn why I ended up here alone with a case of beer.

"Ah..." Finn hums out while strolling towards me on top of the roof. "Has your unit been clinger than usual?"

"Y... Yeah. Actually." I frown, realizing that's why I wanted to get away from everything below me. "How'd you know?"

"Oh, lucky guess... Or perhaps it's because they're freaking out and looking for you in the hangar." 

He answers as if it's no big deal while coming to my side. Plopping down beside me, Finn lets out a dramatic breath while glancing around us and admiring the view. The full bright moons are in front of us with stars surrounding it in the night sky.

"I think they're worried about you." Finn confesses honestly while grabbing a beer from my case and popping off the cap. "They were gripping about how you haven't been the same."

Smirking at his words from knowing how true they are, I put my beer to my lips and finish the drink off. I haven't been the same for months, but it's only now showing because Eva's not here. Grabbing a fresh bottle and pulling the top off, I let out a defeated breath from knowing I can't go back to who I was before Eva like my squad wants me to do.

"Honestly... You seem the same to me." Finn blurts out loud while thinking about the conversation he overheard from my flight-team. Raising an amused eyebrow, I point out vaguely to him while sending him a look. "I seem the same to you because you met me right when I found my sweetheart. You never met the Poe Dameron before her."

"Ah... I get it now." Finn chuckles with a shit-eating grin and sending me smug expression. Shrugging his shoulders then, he mumbles before taking a gulp of his beer. "Women will do that to you. One day you're doing your own thing, just living..."

"... And then next thing you know, you're following a Jedi on some damn fool idealistic crusade."

Grinning at the First Order deserter, I finish his sentence by saying how it happened to me with Eva. Though no one in my black-wing unit understands what's going on with me, at least Finn recognizes my situation. I barely had to say anything for Finn to understand that Eva turned my world upside down and changed me.