Safe Place (MacauChay FF)

Chapter 27: I Hope I Die First

**Author's Notes: Uploading early because idk if I can stay up-going on 3 separate 1 hour naps in the past two days 😂 I'll post the next chapter tomorrow when I'm done proof reading it.
Anyway, this one is a little heavy, sad music is recommended but not required... **

**TW: Depression/Attempted Suicide**

  "So, Pattaya? That's where you two...?" Porsche stood next to his brother on the balcony of Porsche's second-story bedroom.

    "Mmm. That's when it started." Chay leaned against the railing, finding it relieving to share such details about his life with his brother. They hadn't talked like that in such a long time, and the hours they spent that day were much needed.

    "I'd like to go then, with you and Mae. We can make more memories there. I can go with you to get another tattoo, too. If you're up for it?" Porsche rested his elbows on the railing as he leaned his back into it, smiling at the boy.

    "Really?" Chay loved the idea. He wanted to be more transparent with Porsche, as he hoped for the same.

    "Mmm. And then you can transfer schools. I'll find the best one, wherever it is, you can go."

    School. The last thing Chay wanted to worry about. "I don't have to go back, Hia. We can just live. Wherever with you and Mae. That's enough for me."

    "Don't be silly. You're going to be the shining star of the family someday. Didn't you know?"

    "Hiaaaa." Chay smiled as he was flattered. His brother always made him feel like he was the best of the best.

    "Really. Macau can come, too."

    "I know. I can't go anywhere without him."

    "You really like him that much?" Porsche had never seen Chay act out in such ways since being with Macau, but he also had never seen Chay so happy.

    "Mmm. I love him."

    Love. The thing that the adults seemed to have forgotten in everything. The thing that they longed for, but was seemingly always out of reach. The thing that Porsche hoped would've been enough for Kinn.

    "If you love him, then don't let go. Make sure to trust him, and make sure he trusts you. Don't...end up like the rest of us. Hmm?"

    Chay looked over at his brother to find Porsche staring into the orange and yellow sky. "Hia...I'm sorry about P'Kinn..." Chay couldn't imagine how he'd feel if Macau ever turned his back on him.

    "Hey, don't worry about me." Porsche put on a brave smile for his nong. "I'll be just fine."

    Chay wasn't used to this. The mafia lifestyle always had them looking over their shoulders, expecting the worst and there was a ruthlessness about it all. Chay didn't like having to say goodbye, but he was glad that he got the chance, and that Porsche told him beforehand. It meant the world to the boy. He didn't want anymore secrets.

    In the garage, Vegas loaded amo and various guns into the trunk of the suburban when Macau appeared behind him.

    "Is it worth it? Even now?"

    Vegas stopped for a second. He didn't really have an answer. It was worth it when he and Porsche had a plan. It was worth it when things were finally looking up. But things weren't the same after Pete was shot. Vegas' world went down with a single bullet and he was left wondering if what he did was right.

    He fought with Porsche over the fact. How could he not? He was livid with the one who shot his beloved, but knew it was also his fault. For getting into this side of things and not letting Pete in, only for Pete to be suckered in by the main family. By Korn, nonetheless. Now it was worth it to Vegas, to get back at Korn for making Pete turn on him. For shoving Pete into the fight that Vegas wanted him nowhere near.