Beyond The Barricade | les misérables

twenty seven

Christmas and the new year came and went quickly. We made do with what we had and Jean invited Marius over. He, of course, brought Cosette. The girls got along perfectly and now they were even more excited for the wedding, which was quickly approaching.

It was now late April and Marius had begun to stress himself out even more. He paced his room silently as I sat in a chair, watching him.

"Marius," I said. He turned to me and rubbed his face, taking a deep breath.

"What if this doesn't go the way we want it to?" he said.

"Then you have a funny story to tell your kids," I joked. He shot me a glare and turned around, taking his hair in his hands.

"I need you to take this seriously. I know you don't understand but at least try to help out," he groaned.

"I'm here to keep you from doing what you're doing now."

"It's hard for you to do that when you'll never understand this feeling," he snapped. I stiffened and stared at him. His face changed immediately as I turned away from him, hiding my face.

"Enjolras," he said. "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean-"

"It's fine, Marius. You're stressed," I mumbled. He put a hand on my shoulder. I knew he didn't mean it. He'd been saying things he didn't mean to everyone all month. The wedding was in a week now and it was getting to him.

I sighed and looked back at him, burying the feeling he had struck in me.

"Thank you for everything you're doing for me," he said. I nodded at him and hit his arm once before standing up.

"Don't thank me. You're my best friend, where else would I be?"

He smiled at me and pulled me into a quick hug. I pulled away from him and looked in his eyes. Both of us had done some major healing. Despite my vow to myself, we went to the café several times just to sit in silence and remember them all. It was hard, but it helped even if I didn't think so at the beginning.

I left Marius' house and just walked. I didn't know where I was going but I kept going. It was quiet and let me think for a moment. I had kept myself from thinking too much for a while. Last time I got too invested in my thoughts, everyone I had ever cared for died.

I came across a garden. There was a bench next to a tree and the flowers were blooming all around a clearing. There was a ruined fountain and the bushes obviously had not been cared for in some time. I sat on the bench and looked at it, sighing.

Marius wanted to bury them all. He had been talking with anyone who would listen to try to get ahold of their bodies to give them a final resting place. He had gotten approval and needed to tell them a place.

And I think I just found it.

I smiled to myself and nodded, pushing myself up off the bench. As I stood, a house came into view behind a tree. There was a man outside looking straight ahead. I ducked, fearing this was someone's garden. Then I realized who it was.

Anthony stood with his hands in his pockets, his eyes locked on something in front of him. I tried to sneak a look but as I got closer he looked over. I dropped to the ground and hid as I heard footsteps approaching. I held my breath and snuck away before he looked right where I was sitting. I practically ran from the place and went straight to my house.

I didn't need a one on one interaction with him. That was too risky. The way he glared at me the last time I saw him made me wonder if he would try to kill me again.

I closed my door behind me and took a deep breath. He had been watching something. Something was bothering him with the annoyed glare in his eye. Could it have been Francine? Was he just annoyed?

I ran through all the possible reasons before looking down at my feet. I let my heart slow down slightly before sitting down on the couch, leaning back on the cushion. I closed my eyes and in my mind flashed a blur of ginger hair. I felt myself smile as her face appeared in my head, so vivid it was like she was in front of me. The memory of her in the Musain chanting with all the boys, ready to fight for what she believed in.

I did my best not to think about that night. Did my best not to remember the shine in their eyes as all them at once accepted what was inevitable.

I sighed and opened my eyes, staring at the window in front of me. I watched as figures passed by in the sunlight. I looked over at the wooden table and stood, taking a stack of papers and sitting back down. I shuffled through them and read each of them.

It was every plan Marius had made for the wedding and passed to me to make sure they happened. He had me copy them and pass them on to Cosette. It was a difficult task to make sure I wrote every small detail but I managed.

Except for one.

I stared at it and read it several times. He had written down that he wished for a minute of silence at the beginning for those who died. He wanted to remember them and make sure they had a place. I thought it was a great idea, but I couldn't bring myself to write it. He had each of their names listed for the priest to say them all out loud. I had made it to her name and couldn't do it. There was a messy 'H' scribbled onto the paper and then it stopped.

I bit the inside of my cheek and finished her name, feeling my shoulders get heavier as I wrote it out. I finished the papers and I looked toward the door. I could take them now and not think about them until the wedding was upon us. Take care of it now and not have to worry about it anymore.

So I did.

I walked to Marius' house and knocked on the door. His grandfather answered and looked me up and down before letting me in.

"I have some papers for Cosette," I said, holding them out to a staff member. The woman smiled and took them from me.

"Thank you, monsieur."

I nodded and left as soon as I could. I was still bitter about Marius getting what I so desperately wanted, but would never have. It had gotten slightly easier but not by much. I could handle being around them now, but it still hurt.

I walked in silence, my hands in my pockets. My eyes locked onto any shadow around me as the sun set above my head. Every single time I thought it was someone who had died. It got more upsetting every time it happened.

I shut my door behind me once again and leaned my head back on it.

I let the dimness swallow me whole.