When Kat Came Back

Chapter 26

Ashlynn spent another week in the hospital getting used to walking with a cane to compensate for the fractured hip, as well as recovering from literally being hit by a car.

She also started seeing one of the hospital psychologists and seemed to really like the therapist. She agreed to take Ashlynn on as an outpatient, once she was released.

Patricia admitted to Ashlynn what she'd done and Ashlynn had been angry with her mother. They'd had their first out and out screaming match. The therapist had thought it was very healthy. Ashlynn had a lot of complicated emotions.

When Ashlynn was finally discharged from the hospital, press had returned to the bottom of Patricia's driveway to herald Ashlynn's return. Again.

"I swear you're just trying to avoid Mom registering you at school," Kevin said at the family dinner the night after Ashlynn got home.

Ashlynn smiled shyly.

"You got me," she said. Patrick smiled. Ash seemed to be coming around some.

"Ash," Patrick said. "I got you and Megan tickets to twentyone pilots. Josh and Tyler want to meet you so we'll go early and hang out backstage with them for a while."

"We? You're coming too?" Ashlynn asked.

"It's only fair," Patrick pretended to pout. "I got you the tickets."

"Ugh, fine, Patrick," Megan joked. Patrick and Ashlynn smiled.

Patricia, having admitted to taking Ashlynn's blades, still didn't return them, by mutual discussion. Ashlynn's therapist had challenged her to go without and Ash had agreed to try.

"Speaking of school," Patricia said. "Ash, we really should get you registered. You should be in school by now."

Ashlynn didn't reply. She didn't argue the point, but she didn't seem thrilled about it.

"I guess we should register you tomorrow, have you start on Monday?"

Ashlynn shrugged.  She still didn't want to start school in Illinois. She wanted to go home. Back to L.A still.

But until she could figure out how to get back, Ash would have to go to school.  Or at least make it look like it. Ashlynn did not want to 'put down roots', so to speak.

Ash listened to the family talk. Megan and Kevin talked about their years at Glenbrook High and how much they thought Ashlynn would like it. Patrick said he didn't hate it, but high school had been hard for him, because he was still missing Ash. Well, Kat.

Ashlynn felt completely disconnected. Every time they talked about the past, it just reminded Ashlynn that she hadn't been here.  She didn't blame them.  They had to keep living,  but Ashlynn felt left out.  She didn't share these memories.  She'd never been on a vacation, or to Disneyland.  She'd never been to a wedding or a funeral.  They'd talk about grandparents and cousins and aunts and uncles that Aslynn had yet to meet.  Or never had the chance.

As the family continued going down memory lane, Ashlynn stopped eating and just picked at the food on her plate. Noone noticed.

Pretty soon the family seemed to be winding down dinner.

"Ash," Patricia said.  "You didn't eat much."

"Excuse me," Ashlynn said, getting up from the table and making her way upstairs. She was using a cane right now to help her walk less painfully with her fractured hip.  They heard her slam her bedroom door.

"What's up with Ash?" Kevin asked.  Patrick and Patricia shrugged.

"I'll go talk to her," Patricia said, getting up.

Patricia went upstairs and knocked on Ash's bedroom door.  There was no answer. Patricia was sure Ashlynn hadn't gotten more razor blades, but she couldn't be sure. She carefully opened the bedroom door.  Ashlynn was face down on her bed.

"Ash? Honey?" No answer. "Ash?"

"Go away," Ashlynn mumbled.

"Sweetheart, what's the matter?" Patricia asked.

"Nothing. Go. Away." Ashlynn insisted.

"I"m not going to push, but you can talk to me sweetheart. About anything."

Ashlynn didn't say anything. She kept her face buried in her pillow.

Patricia sighed and gently closed Ashlynn's door.

"She okay?" Patrick asked as Patricia returned to the table.

"I don't know," Patricia said.  "She wouldn't talk to me."

"Want me to try?" Patrick asked.

"If you want.  She seems to trust you more," Patricia sighed.

Patrick got up and went up to Ashlynn's room. He knocked on the door and waited.  Ashlynn didn't say anything

"Ash?" Patrick asked, opening her door.

"Why can't you all just leave me the hell alone?" Ashlynn fumed.

"Ash," Patrick said, sitting beside her on the bed.  "What's up?"

"Nothing, I'm fantastic," she snarked.

"Sure," Patrick said. "I can tell. Seriously, Ash.  Talk to me."

"Why? So you can tell me more stories about all the things I missed?" Ashlynn said, her voice thick with tears.

"We didn't tell you those stories to tell you about the things you missed.  We were just reminiscing. We didn't mean to make you feel bad, or left out."

"It's not fair, Patrick," Ashlynn said. "I don't fit in here. I'm not Kat."

"No. You aren't. You're Ashlynn. I get that."

"I don't think Patricia does. I feel like everyone is waiting for me to be Kat. I can't be that."

"I think that's something you need to talk to your therapist about."

Ashlynn frowned. She should be able to discuss how she feels with her family.

"You don't understand," she fumed, rolling back over and face planting into her pillow. Patrick didn't know what to say.

"Do you want me to tell Mom and everyone what you just said?"

"I don't care," Ashlynn mumbled into the pillow.

Patrick sighed and got up. He wasn't going to get anywhere with Ashlynn right now.

Heading back to the table, Patrick sat heavily in his seat.

"Is she okay?" Patricia asked.

"Not really. She's upset that we were strolling down memory lane and she doesn't share those memories. She feels like we're all waiting for her to be Kat, and she's not Kat."

"We know she's not Kat. Obviously she's not the baby we lost.  She's a teenager now."

"But Mom, I don't think you're seeing what she really means. To you, she's Kat. But she was raised as Ashlynn. She's a different person than who Kat would have turned out to be."

"How?" Patricia said.

"Well, you wouldn't have beaten her," Patrick said.

"Of course not!" Patricia said, aghast.

"She's had different experiences than she would have had with us. She would share the memories we all have. As it stands, we're still mostly strangers to her."

Patricia's eyes filled with tears. She just wanted Ashlynn to feel at home. But all she'd managed to do was alienate her even further. She covered her face and sobbed, not knowing how to welcome her daughter home.