When Kat Came Back

Chapter 57

Over the course of the next two days, Dr. Atkins worked intensely with Ashlynn. She saw that the girl had a desire to feel better. She hadn't wanted to feel as despondent as she'd gotten and hadn't known how to reach out for help.

"I kinda thought I had it under control at first," Ashlynn said on the third day. "I thought I could just forget it happened. But then Mom wanted me to talk about it, and Patrick wanted me to talk about it. And my therapist obviously. And I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to admit I'd let myself get... you know."

"You didn't let anyone do anything to you, Ashlynn," Dr. Atkins said. "What happened to you in New York was absolutely not your fault."

"But if I'd just told Patrick how I was feeling, that the press and telling our story over and over was getting tiring and overwhelming, if I'd just been honest, maybe I wouldn't have felt like I needed to go out for a walk. Or I wouldn't have wanted to go alone."

"Did you go out seeking what happened?"

"No," Ashlynn frowned. "Obviously not."

"Then how could have been your fault that that person happened to be where you happened to be? It was a very unfortunate coincidence, but it was absolutely not your fault. I know it feels like it was. We spend a lot of time in our lives wondering about the things that could have been, but the reality is, things happen. Good things, bad things, they happen. You are no more responsible for the attack in New York than you were your kidnapping in 1991."

Ashlynn frowned while she thought about that.

"But I should have been more careful," she said.

"Maybe. But the unfortunate reality of what happened is that those things happen regardless of what people do to be careful. Rape is about power, Ashlynn. It's not a targeted attack. You weren't chosen because of anything beyond being in the wrong place at the wrong time. If it hadn't been you, it would likely have been someone else. And they may have been less capable of handling it."

Ashlynn looked down at her lap. Dr. Atkins and Ashlynn were in a conference room. They were having a private session and then David and Patricia were expected for a family session. Dr. Atkins was going to determine today if Ashlynn could go home after her psychiatric hold, or if she'd require more in-patient therapy. Ashlynn wanted to go home.

"I don't think I handled it so great," Ashlynn said quietly.

"Ashlynn, the night you cut your wrists, did you do so because you wanted to die, or because you wanted help but didn't know how to ask?"

Ashlynn looked down at her lap again, up at the ceiling and then straight at Dr. Atkins.

"Both," she said.

"That's an incredibly honest answer. Thank you," Dr. Atkins said. Ashlynn smiled a small smile.

"I know you have a lot of work still to do with regards to the rape, Ashlynn, but I have to say, I'm really impressed with how you've worked with me these last three days. You've made significant gains and improvements."

Ashlynn sighed.

"I don't want to be here. I want to go home," she said.

"I get that. And that is certainly the goal. And just checking, but by home you do mean your mom's house, right?"

Ashlynn laughed a little bit.

"Yeah. I mean, California would be nice, but I was dumb to think it was home. I never really had a home before. I thought because I finally had a friend, that was home. But I think it was pretty presumptuous of me to think Lexi's family would just let me live there without calling my mom or dad. But I think LA was the first place I felt like I belonged.

Karen didn't exactly make making and keeping friends easy, but Lexi just, accepted things as they were and worked around the weirdness that was my life with Karen and Brian. She really was my first and best friend. I really don't give her enough credit," Ashlynn said.

"Have you spoken to her much since moving here?"

"For a while. But she always just kept going on about how everyone at school thinks it's 'so cool' that Patrick is my brother. No one thinks about what it was that caused Patrick to even notice me. No one, Lexi especially - and she was there - remembers that it was my broken rib and me passing out and being rushed to the hospital that started the whole thing with Patrick getting the ball rolling and finding out who I was. Who I am. She just asks about Patrick and the band and when we're coming back to LA. Not when I might be able to come visit."

"Have any of your friends here in Chicago reached out since you've been here?" Dr. Atkins asked.

"Mom says Jonah came by yesterday and asked how I am. I don't have my phone, so I don't know if anyone else has called or texted or anything."

Dr. Atkins nodded.

"Jonah cares a lot for you, doesn't he?"

Ashlynn blushed.

"Yeah. I wasn't very nice to him at first. But to be fair, I had just found out my entire life was a lie, been hit by a car, had a fractured hip and had to start at a new school in a city I didn't know with a family I barely knew. But he was the first person who welcomed me to school without Patrick being the reason."

"Is that so? Did he know who your brother is?"

"He did. But he said he was new to school once and no one approached him at first and he knew how that felt, so he saw me and didn't want me to feel so... awkward? A little hard considering I was rocking a kick ass cane to keep myself stable with a fractured hip," Ashlynn smirked. Dr. Atkins smiled back at her.

"Is Jonah someone you trust?" She asked.

Ashlynn thought about it. And smiled.

"Yeah. Yeah, he is."