When Kat Came Back

Chapter 56

"Hi, Ashlynn. My name is Dr. Atkins," the doctor said, sitting beside Ashlynn's bed in a chair.

After talking with the family outside of Ashlynn's room, and letting them visit for a bit, the doctor went back to Ashlynn's room to have her first session with her new patient. Dr. Atkins knew Ashlynn would not participate in a group therapy setting - she wouldn't leave her room. So Ashlynn's first sessions with the doctor were going to be in her room.

Ashlynn had a private room so there were no concerns about privacy and Dr. Atkins knew she had all the time she needed with Ashlynn. She didn't want to overwhelm her but she wouldn't rush the session either.

Dr. Atkins looked at the teenager curled up on the bed. She knew this would be a challenge, but the doctor was confident she'd get through in a short time.

"Ashlynn, I know what happened in New York. Just so you know that, right off. I'm not going to make you rehash the attack or tell me about how it made you feel or anything like that. I already have a pretty good understanding of how all of that affected you. So I want you to know, right off the bat, my job isn't to retraumatize you by discussing what happened, unless you bring it up or want to talk about it.

My job is to help you work through what are probably very confusing emotions and feelings and how to get you feeling better."

Dr. Atkins looked at Ashlynn and saw the girl was looking at her. Dr. Atkins smiled at Ashlynn.

"You have beautiful eyes, Ashlynn," Dr. Atkins said. Ashlynn did something she hadn't done since the attack in New York. She smiled. Just a little bit, but there was definite smiling happening. Dr. Atkins could tell that while Ashlynn would be challenging, she might be easier than she'd initially thought.

"Ashlynn, I know that on top of what happened in New York, you're also dealing with a huge upheaval to your life. I don't know if that has affected how you're handling this or if they're separate issues, but I want you to know, we can work through it all. I want you to trust me. Your mom and brother and - the other adult..."

"Uncle Andy," Ashlynn whispered.

"I'm sorry, what? Uncle?" Dr. Atkins said. "Is he your mom's brother?"

Ashlynn shook her head.

"Who is he then?" Dr. Atkins wanted to keep conversation flowing now that she had Ashlynn talking. She hadn't expected her to open up so soon.

"Patrick's band mate. And friend," Ashlynn said. It was clear that neutral subjects were the way to go to start. Dr. Atkins had long believed discussing traumatic experiences with teenagers required a much softer touch. And gaining trust was paramount. Allowing the teenagers to talk about mundane things and establishing trust was always the first thing Dr. Atkins did.

"Your brother is in a band. That's cool. Would I have heard anything by them?"

Ashlynn stared at the doctor. Had she never heard of Patrick's band?

"He's the lead singer of Fall Out Boy," Ashlynn said.

"Is he? I've heard of them. They're good."

Ashlynn just stared at the doctor. She was used to people sort of fawning over her brother.

"Do you like their music?" Dr. Atkins asked Ashlynn. Ashlynn nodded.

"My understanding is you were reunited with your family because of a Fall Out Boy concert."

Ashlynn nodded again.

"That must have been a trip," Dr. Atkins smiled.

"It was weird," Ashlynn said.

"I can only imagine. How has it been, being home with your family?"

Ashlynn didn't say anything. She couldn't really explain it.

"Okay, no worries. You don't have to answer that if you don't want to."

"I can't," Ashlynn said.

"How come?" Dr. Atkins asked.

"I can't explain it. It's," Ashlynn sighed. "I don't feel like I belong."

Her voice got quieter as she spoke.

"How so?"

"I didn't grow up with them. They keep talking about stuff from when we were younger and I don't have those memories because I wasn't here."

"I understand. Is it possible they're telling you about things to include you?"

"But it doesn't include me. It just reminds me that I was with... not them," Ashlynn said.

"Have you discussed this with your regular therapist? Or your parents?"

Ashlynn shook her head.

"I did once. But it didn't help."

"Well, let's put that down to explore. Can I?" Dr. Atkins asked. Ashlynn nodded.

"How about school? How has school been?"

Ashlynn sighed.

"It's been fine. I made some friends."

"That's good," Dr. Atkins said. Ashlynn shrugged.

"I want to go home," Ashlynn said.

"Well, that's why you have me. To get you feeling better and get you home faster."

"I mean California. California is home. I don't belong here," Ashlynn said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Why California?" Dr. Atkins asked.

"It's home. My best friend is there. My first friend, really."

"What about your family?"

"Which one?" Ashlynn asked. "I don't know who my real family really is."

Dr. Atkins sat back and looked at Ashlynn.

"I can't imagine how upside down you must feel your life has been the past few months. The Stumphs are your biological family. They have the DNA tests to prove it. But DNA doesn't make a family. Who do you consider to be your family?"

"I don't know anymore," Ashlynn said as tears flowed freely out of her eyes. "I thought Brian and Karen were my mom and dad, but it turned out she just picked me up in a Walmart. And I don't fit in with my mom and dad or my brothers and sister. Lexi is, like, the only family I have."

"Who's Lexi?"

"My best friend in LA," Ashlynn said.

"I see," Dr. Atkins said. "I think I can confidently say that your family - the Stumphs - definitely see you as family. Have they at least made an effort to welcome you home?"

Ashlynn nodded.

"They've been great, but..." Ashlynn stopped.

"At some point, I'd like to have a session with you and your parents. It may not be while you're here, because my focus while you're here is to help you with what brought you here to begin with."

Ashlynn didn't say anything. But she did look away.

"Now then," Dr. Atkins said. "I think we've done enough today. You've been awesome, Ashlynn. I honestly didn't expect you to start speaking to me today."

Ashlynn shrugged.

"I don't want to be here," she said.

Dr. Atkins frowned.

"Define 'here'," Dr. Atkins asked.

"In the hospital. In Chicago. I don't belong here," Ashlynn said, and began to sob.

"Ashlynn? Do you mind if I give you a hug?"

Ashlynn shook her head and Dr. Atkins came closer and wrapped the thin girl in her arms.

"Look, Ashlynn, you have a lot of things to deal with and I know you're scared about a lot of it. But I'm going to help you, I promise, okay?"

Ashlynn shrugged. Could anyone really help her?