A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Brothers, Talk Tonight. Part 2

Liam awoke with a start, his alarm blaring he checked the time to make sure he hadn't been hitting the snooze button. It was dead on nine, thankfully. He switched it off and began to pull himself together he still had a headache but that could be down to stress, the drink or even the volume of the alarm clock, he had to remember to turn it down, he was sure he saw the table shake and he didn't want to wake the neighbours.
He got up and pulled on some tracksuit bottoms and a old t shirt, he'd find better clothes later. He walked through to the living room and looked around, there was a few bottles and cans to clear up, ashtrays to empty and clothes to put away, then he'd have to hoover. He went and made coffee, sat down and lit a cigarette, he was worried, was this really a good idea, was it all gonna go wrong. It was half nine he had four hours to tidy up and think about what was going to be said. He noticed he'd put his cigarette out on his arm again, he had to make sure he didn't do that again. After finishing his coffee he began to collect the bottles, cans and ashtray to empty. After doing that he realised how tired he felt, it didn't feel like he'd slept. He went to his bedside table, he only had enough coke for one or two line's so he decided to phone pez who was there within half an hour, he set up some lines, hopefully it would wake him up. By the time he'd tidied and hoovered he still had two hours. He went through to the kitchen and got a beer, set up a couple of lines and sat down. Maybe getting drunk and high wasn't a good idea but he was so stressed about what was about to happen he needed something, maybe a couple of drinks so he wasn't drunk would be better, he could probably hide being high. Before he knew it he only had an hour so went through to the bedroom, found a good pair of tracksuit bottoms, his New York tshirt and a blue shirt. He brushed his hair and looked in the mirror to check he looked decent, he looked more than decent he looked really good. He sat down on the settee with a drink for the last fifteen minutes. Sure enough at half one there was a knock on the door, Noel was nearly always on time.
"Hey bro come in"
"Fucking weather is awful, it's pissing it down. Where can I hang my coat?"
"There's peg's just beside the door"
Noel walked over and hung his coat up, walked to the kitchen, got a beer and sat down. Liam went and sat on the chair he couldn't face sitting next to him. Noel didn't say anything, just sat having his drink. Liam didn't want to start the conversation so kept quiet and let Noel get on with it but he also knew the longer the silence went on the longer it would take to get everything over with, maybe it would be easier once one of them said something as it was awkward now.
"Louise seem ok when you saw her? She seem happy? Was she fine with me calling her?"
"She was cool, seemed happy enough, she didn't say she minded you calling, she's looking good, really good, she said she had her life on track"
Noel seemed pretty interested in how Louise was doing, she was the love of his life but it seemed everything fell apart and there was no fixing it, which was a shame Liam had always liked her more than Meg and she liked him more than Meg did. He knew what Meg thought of him and sometimes it got to him but other times he just thought fuck her, it's her problem not mine. Maybe it was adding to how much him and Noel would fight. Liam noticed Noel watching him, it was like he was waiting for Liam to say something but at the same time he looked like he was gonna say something, they couldn't just sit like this someone had to speak
"Thanks for sending Louise over was nice to hang out with her and talk"
"I know it probably seemed a bit strange me sending my ex over but it was the only thing I could think to do, I hope it helped"
"I admit it was a bit of a shock but once she explained why it made more sense, yes it helped a bit, I mean we didn't have a big serious talk but we covered the basics and now I know someone is there that I can talk to"
Noel looked kinda sad and guilty, like he felt bad that he hadn't done more.
"I really don't understand what is going on with you, it's not you, the you I know. Which confuses me because I've known you you're whole life and I don't understand the stuff itself, I get depression, I understand feeling down but the hurting yourself, the trying to kill your self I don't get, we always said we were a positive reaction to grunge, like it may be shit but we'll get out, know what I mean, I've had bad days but I know why so I can change things but to not know, to not be in control of it that would be terrifying"
Wow Liam thought Noel was talking personal, honestly and explaining like he cared
"I can't explain it, I don't understand it myself and it is scary I'm not in control of it. The things I thought would fix it didn't, I thought once the band made it things would change but instead it just gave me more access to stuff and my craziness, hyper side had more chances to come out and it could be worse as it was acceptable, it became expected that in turn made the depressive episodes worse, and the fucked up in between, other strange feelings or no feelings at all just floated through everything. On top of all that I have access to as much alcohol and drugs I want, I can do as much impulse buying as I want, I can have as much sex as I want, but I still feel empty. It's really hard to make sense of"
Noel didn't answer he was trying to process what Liam had said, trying to understand it, to make sense of it in his own head. Answering would be hard he needed to show he cared, that he was trying to understand but he didn't know how he could help. Personal conversation's were hard, they weren't normal for them, never had been, it wasn't a done thing in their family or community so for Liam to open up like that was brave and probably really hard for him so Noel knew he had to do the same with his answer.
"I guess sometimes you can get everything you want and it's not enough. I see what you mean about how oasis and what surround's is can amplify things, especially the crazy stuff. There is so many times when you are obviously enjoying yourself, thinking your the most important thing in the world, your happy, but you're also a pain in the arse, big headed, stupid cunt who does my head in, you can't take anything seriously, your like a child"
Well that's helpful Liam thought, he'd thought Noel was being nice, trying to understand, interested in helping but obviously that was too good to be true. He'd went down the typical Noel route and had a go at him.
"Well thanks for that. Pretending to understand then back to having a go, I'm sorry I'm not perfect like you chief Noel, I'm sorry I'm having fun when you're not. You do my head in trying to control everything, trying to be the boss well your not my boss I don't care if you're my big brother you still don't own me no one does. I honestly thought just maybe just this once we could talk, like really talk and that maybe you would care enough to at least try to help me, you know how hard it was to ask for help, do you? Then you just go and be a dickhead"
Liam was so angry, he wanted to punch him but instead he walked into the bedroom, slammed the door and began to smash his wardrobe.
Noel instantly went down the route of thinking Liam was a bastard, a spoiled brat, that he didn't know why he put up with him, he got his coat and was about to go when his lighter fell out his pocket, as he reached to pick it up he noticed a small blood stain on the floor, it had obviously been missed when the place was cleaned up. He stopped and looked at it, it was Liam's blood spilt there by Liam's hand. As he was thinking he noticed that there was no sound coming from Liam's room, maybe he should go to check on him but that could result in a punch or should he just go and let Liam calm down. He really didn't know what was best, he sat down again.
Liam walked into his room and slammed the door. He was so angry he punched his wardrobe, then he couldn't stop he just kept at it, smashing it to bits. Eventually he stopped when he realised how much his hands were bleeding. Looking up he noticed his reflection he threw the mirror on the floor and sat on the bed. He hadn't heard Noel leave but he assumed he had why would he stay. Liam took the coke from the bedside table and set up a few lines, walked to the broken mirror and picked bits up. He spent some time just looking at it in his hands, maybe he should check to see if Noel was still here but by getting his hopes up he'd be more disappointed if he was gone so if he just continued thinking he'd gone it wouldn't hurt as much.
Noel sat there still not sure what to do, he was thinking so many different ways from different sides of himself the band mate thinking he better not screw things up for the band, what would happen if anything became public, the annoyed brother thinking he was attention seeking twat, blowing things out of proportion, that if he just grew up a bit, the caring older brother wondering how he can help, to be there for him, the older brother who is supposed to look after his little brother, how their mam had always said take care of Liam take care of my baby. Then there was Noel himself, his own issues and insecurities which he got out through his songs a outlet Liam didn't have. Noel always saw Liam as the carefree one he was more popular, better looking, cooler Noel was the quiet thinker he had his own issues but now here he was faced with seeing a side of Liam he never knew existed and realising that the carefree crazy chaos was actually symptom of a bigger problem that he had no idea how to deal with he couldn't talk to Meg about it, if he talked to Louise too much Meg would kill him, he couldn't tell their mam it would kill her and obviously Dave had been dealing with all this alone. This he couldn't just fix.
Liam heard some movement from the living room he guessed Noel was still there but it seemed he wasn't going to come and see if he was ok, he must be waiting for me to go out there. Liam didn't want to make the first move. What would he say oh sorry bro I just felt like smashing my wardrobe up. Would Noel just say you're a fucking idiot. It would probably be better if Noel left or they might just end up staying in this situation all night each waiting for the other to make a move and would that move result in a fight or not. This whole thing was supposed to reduce his stress, make him feel better but instead it was making him more stressed, angry and he felt worse. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Noel decided he had to do something so walked over to the bedroom door and knocked.
"Liam what the fuck you doing? Are you just gonna stay in there in a huff like a child or are you gonna grow up and come out and talk to me like a fucking adult? I can't stay here all night"
He stood waiting for a answer, he could hear Liam moving around. Then in a tone that Noel had never heard before, a sad scared tone.
"I thought you'd gone and our conversation wasn't going that well since it turned into a fight. I can't fucking deal with that right now, I am so fucking stressed I'm thinking a million bloody things. Kelly's back from holiday so I've got to think about things there and stupid me thought maybe my brother would help me with that but turns out he isn't even interested in trying to help me with anything. So in short I think you should go and I should stay in here and try to get some sleep. Noel looked at Liam not sure if leaving him was a good idea, he was begging to see Liam's mood's in a different way.
"Are you sure? I can stay if you want. We could watch a film, I could order pizza"
"Nah you go back to your life, it's obviously too much hassle to deal with me I'm just the idiot little brother that fucks things up so just do what you usually do, have a go and leave"
Noel realised staying wasn't going to be a option and to be honest if Liam didn't want his help then that was his problem and he can just get on with it himself, he was so childish sometimes, it was always all about him.
"Fine I'm going but don't say I didn't try, it's you who decided to be childish just grow up and remember that it's not all about you other people have lives too, you better fucking turn up at practice and sort yourself out by next interview"
Noel walked out of the door, it was still raining, he pulled his collar up and began to walk some of the street lights were out so he ended up standing in a puddle, water filled his shoe. He'd been walking for a while when he realised he wasn't going in the direction of home, he'd just been walking down random streets lost in his thoughts. Thinking about Liam, about what he had said, he'd started to think about things in more serious ways like the idea that maybe one day he'd get a phone call telling him Liam was dead or he'd find him in a state he wouldn't know how to deal with. He always thought he was the one who sometimes felt down, saw the painful things in life, he got it out in his lyrics often managing to put a positive, things will change spin in there. Now the brother he thought didn't even know the sad feelings, who enjoyed everything and didn't have a care in the world had told him that he was suicidal, that sometimes all he saw was the bad things and Noel didn't have a clue what to do, didn't know how to help him and feared the type of relationship they had would make it impossible to even try. He kept walking, by now he was soaked through. As he turned a corner he noticed a park, he walked over into it, found a bench and tried to light a cigarette. After Noel left Liam flopped down on the settee, leaned back and stared at the ceiling, he really didn't understand what was going on, he had no idea what Noel was actually thinking, he had no idea what he was thinking. He needed to pull himself together Kelly was coming round tomorrow but he just felt so crap, he picked up one of the designer clothes catalogs he kept getting given and began to flick through maybe buying some new clothes would make him feel better soon he'd managed to spend thousands in the space of minutes, it didn't make him feel better and he regretted it straight away. He got another beer, rolled a joint and tried to relax but even relaxing was tiring, he set up some lines and looked around there was empty bottles, drugs, broken stuff all over all he could think was is this my life. This mess was it all he was.
Noel realised he was gonna have to go home and come up with a reason why he'd been so long and why he was soaked through, he knew he couldn't tell her the truth, she wouldn't be sympathetic, she'd probably say Liam was just attention seeking and was talking bullshit. Meg had tried to like Liam at first but they just clashed so now she tolerated him for Noel's sake but still wasn't shy in giving her opinions on him. Sometimes it got to Noel cos at the end of the day Liam was family, he was his little brother, other times Noel agreed with her, after all Noel had put up with Liam's shit since he was born. He stood up and slowly began heading home, lost in his thoughts trying to work out where things would go from here, what this would mean for everything and what the fuck he was going to do.