A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Counting The Days

Liam woke up and went to his calendar, he'd been counting the days till tour started, so far he'd crossed off three days. The days were going so slow, he still had over two weeks to go. He went to make coffee. Hopefully he'd get to drink it before Katie woke up. He never usually did it's like she knew when he was trying to relax. He got comfortable on the settee, lit a cigarette and started to drink his coffee. Surprisingly he got to the bottom of his cup and still hadn't been interrupted so he lit another cigarette and relaxed. He finished his cigarette and by now he was a little worried that Katie hadn't woke up, so wondered through to see if she was ok, he looked in the cot, she wasn't. He checked the baby basket and seat, no luck. He hadn't left the house, how could he have lost her, he ran around every room in the place, bathroom, spear room, kitchen, even the cupboard's, she was nowhere to be found. He couldn't exactly ring anyone, he couldn't tell his mum, Noel, Maggie, Dave or Meg, that he'd lost a baby, lost Katie. How could he explain it, she was there when he went to sleep and gone when he woke up. God he was such an idiot, he sat on his bed, at a complete loss at what to do, she couldn't exactly get anywhere on her own, it was obviously his fault, he must have went out, left her somewhere, maybe he was so drunk he'd done something he couldn't remember. Now he was beginning to panic, it was like every thought he'd had, being useless, not good enough, stupid, pointless, etc all hit him at once, he was a failure, everyone had been right. He'd failed, she'd suffered and there was no way out he couldn't call anyone cos they'd just go mental at him, the police, if they found her would hand her straight over to Kelly's family.
He sat on the floor, up against a wall, knees to his chest and began to cry. He realised there was one way out of it, kill himself. There was a empty glass bottle near him he pulled it over. After a few minutes he went and got some cans, cigarettes, drugs and a notebook, then sat back down. He'd decided that he could at least bow out as a rock star. He opened a can and wrote in the notebook, he at least had to say something, people deserved that, he left it to one side of him. He set up some lines on the nearest book, swallowed some pills, he had no idea what some of them were. As he smoked a cigarette he broke the bottle into smaller pieces and then began to cut his arms, he deserved a bit of pain first because of what he'd done. Soon he'd be gone so things would be better for everyone. He took the glass to his wrists and there was the sound of the door opening just as he dropped the glass.
"Liam, you awake?"
Liam could hear Maggie's voice but couldn't really answer.
Maggie looked around, she noticed Liam on the floor.
"Shit Liam what have you done?"
She ran over, grabbed his T-shirts off the radiator and wrapped them around his wrists.
"Liam have you taken anything? How much? God what happened?"
He pointed over to the bag of coke and bottle of pills, Maggie picked them up and noticed the pill bottle had no label and there was about six types of pill inside. She crawled close to him, moved one of the T-shirts to see what was happening, it didn't look too bad, he must have been too out of it to cause serious damage. She felt him lean into her ear and whisper
"I've lost Katie, she's disappeared."
Maggie sat back and looked at the floor
"Did you not see the note? It was on the mantle piece. You haven't lost her. I came over this morning you were asleep, she was awake so I decided to take her out. I left a note (she looked up, it was still there) explaining. She's over there in her pram, asleep. Do you want me to bring her over?"
"Yes"
Maggie picked her up, wrapped her in a blanket and took her over, she knew it was gonna be a bit dodgy, Liam was covered in blood so Katie was gonna get covered too. Luckily Liam hadn't done that much damage it looked worse with there being so many cuts there blood had just all joined together, his wrists were only bleeding a little now. She put her into his arms.
"See there she is, she's ok. We've been down the park, past the pond where we watched the ducks and stuff. I'm sorry I just thought it would be nice to let you sleep so I decided to take her out. I wrote a note and left it where I thought you'd see it. I feel bad, I'm sorry"
Liam looked down at Katie, he really had been worried, when he didn't know where she was he felt like he couldn't breathe. He couldn't understand how he'd become so attached, that he could worry that much yet he still knew he wasn't good enough and probably never would be.
"I was scared, I didn't know what to do, I knew I wouldn't be able to face anyone if I'd lost her. Why didn't you stick the note on the kettle, my cigarette packet, on the fridge, somewhere obvious. I never look at the fucking mantle piece. Fucking hell Maggie you had to know I'd panic and get in a state"
She looked at the floor, he had a point.
Liam looked down. Katie's blanket was covered in blood, it was on her hands and arms too. God she was a little baby and was already seeing him like this, what did that say about the future. He felt really high but it wasn't a good high, he wasn't even sure if he could stand up, he didn't even think he wanted to, but he was in a mess he needed to see the damage, he needed to clean himself up, he needed to clean Katie up
"Liam do you want me to clean Katie up and get her settled while you sort yourself out?"
He didn't want to let go of her, this thing had made him realise just how much she meant to him. But he knew he needed to sort both of them out, they couldn't sit like this all day
"Yes please, but don't leave the house, don't take her away from me again"
He looked so sad it broke Maggie's heart
"I won't I promise. We're just gonna go to the bathroom, fill her bath and I'll bring it in here while you sort yourself out. I'm not going anywhere"
Maggie put Katie in the baby basket and went to the bathroom, Liam decided to try and stand up. He felt weak, he was shaking and the room was spinning but he managed to pull himself up. He went to the kitchen to get some water, nearly falling over three times. After a couple of glasses his head felt less fuzzy so he could think better. Maggie had Katie in her bath and she seemed quite happy, he was glad she couldn't understand what was going on.
"I'm gonna have a quick shower and put some different clothes on, I'll have to stick these in the wash with her blanket"
"I'll drop them in when you're sorted, her onesie needs to go in too, I've just took a clean one from the pile over there"
Liam nodded, headed to the bathroom and turned on the shower.
Maggie listened to the shower running as she bathed Katie, she was listening incase Liam fell or something. Katie behaved both in the bath and when she was dressing her.
Liam came out the shower, wrapped a towel around his waist and headed back to the living room, Maggie had seen him in worse states than wearing a towel.
"She behaved?"
"She did, she was a little star. Weren't you sweetheart"
Liam walked up to them and addressed Katie
"You were good for auntie Maggie, I'm pleased"
He headed into his bedroom, got changed and set out some lines, he looked at them, he couldn't do it, he had to be clear headed, he had to look after Katie. He put as much as he could back into the packet, scrapped the last bits together there wasn't much it didn't even really make a line but he snorted that rather than waste it.
When he came back through Maggie was sitting with Katie in her arms, she looked so peaceful.
So Liam just sat beside them.
"Ok, I'll put the washing on, wrap your arms up, make sure you've got everything and that you're settled then I'll leave the two of you in peace"
"You don't have to go"
"You need time with Katie, you need to learn how to be by yourself with her. It will be good to get into a routine. Yes me, Dave, your mum, even Noel will check in on you and come over but you have to learn how to be a dad and manage your issues"
"Ok ok I know"
Maggie passed Liam Katie, put the washer on, got the first aid kit out and sorted out his arms. She then checked the situation with nappies, formula, wipes etc. he was low on most things
"Your low on things like nappies, formula etc so I'll go pick some up and drop them back here"
"Thanks, my wallets in my coat pocket, take some money out"
Maggie took some money and headed out.
As the door closed Liam felt the fear kick in.
He didn't know what to do, he didn't know how to occupy himself and Katie. A baby only really sleeps, eats and shits. He could watch tv, listen to some music etc but he had to stay in the house and Katie would dictate a lot of his time so he didn't have many options. He decided to just stay sitting in silence with her in his arms for a while
Maggie dragged the shopping up to Liam's door and knocked. It took Liam a while to answer but as soon as he did he helped with the bags.
"Just dump them over there and I'll sort them in a minute. Do you want a cup of tea before you head off?"
"No thanks I've told my boyfriend I'll be back in half an hour so he's cooking"
"Ok, well I'll see you then. Enjoy yourself"
Well alone again, he went to look at the schedule Noel had given him, they had a interview in three days, thank god he had something to do, something band related, he had to remember to sort out a babysitter. His mum had suggested writing things down and sticking it to the fridge, to make sure he didn't forget things, so far he'd only stuck up the date tour started. Just as he went to make a coffee Katie started crying
"Oh for fucks sake, I swear you know when I'm gonna go make a fucking drink"
He picked her up and she settled down, she obviously just wanted attention, but why always when he wanted to do something.
Sitting down he decided to apologise, not that she would understand but for some reason he felt like he had to.
"I'm sorry sweetheart, I'm not very good at all this. I get frustrated and angry when I don't get my own way, maybe you're starting to inherit that. We are gonna be a right pair"
Noel kept thinking, he was worried he had expected Liam to have been straight on the phone shouting and screaming after Meg had told Liam their suggestion about Katie. He thought Liam would have been angry, really angry but he hadn't heard a thing, no phone call, nothing. Maybe he should call him, though that could just set off a massive argument. There was just no right answer. Ever since Liam had told him those things about how he felt Noel had tried to forget it, he knew deep down he should change the way he was with Liam, help him, be a better brother, talk to him but he just didn't know how. They were set in their ways, their relationship had always been the same, there was so much baggage, so much history. Noel just sat with his head in his hands.
Liam was glad when it was time to go to bed.
It was interview day, Liam woke up so excited. Karen had said she'd take Katie overnight so Liam had booked a hotel overnight so he could go to a party or something. He picked Katie up fed her, changed her nappy, put her into clean clothes and settled her into her basket. Karen was due in two hours so her had time to sort her bag out in his own time. So he sat down with a cup of coffee to try to relax but he was so excited to be doing something with the band it didn't really work, he really wanted to start on the alcohol but he knew how Karen would react if he was pissed when she got there, it wouldn't look good.
He packed Katie's bag. Clothes, blanket, teddy, nappies, bottles and wipes, hopefully he'd remembered everything. Katie was asleep so Liam nipped into the bedroom for a couple of lines. Just as he walked back through Karen knocked at the door, Liam let her in smiling.
"Hey Karen. Come in. Want a coffee or tea? Dave's not picking me up for a hour or so"
"Tea please. Where's Katie?"
"In her baby basket, just over there I put her in a dark place cos she's sleeping"
Karen didn't seem to care and went over anyway all Liam could think as he walked into the kitchen was she better not wake her up. He took his time making the tea, he couldn't be bothered with a long conversation, he'd probably end up going on about how excited he was to be back with the band, and how would that look.
He brought the tea through to find Karen sitting with Katie, she was awake but luckily not kicking off. He couldn't leave it, he was in that mood.
"Come on she was asleep now you've messed her routine up. She'll get tired and won't settle, she'll get pissed off. Maybe before you decided to wake her you should have spoke to me, found out her routine cos at the end of the day I know what's best for her. I've sorted out her routine and know what happens when you change it. Give me some fucking credit, I'm not stupid"
"Christ Liam I wasn't trying to undermine you, my sister has kids I know how to deal with a baby so I don't need you to tell me what to do and if I'm honest I probably know more than you"
"Every baby is different, I've found out what works for her. I don't care if you know what to do with your sisters kid, Katie is my daughter I tell people what to do that is best for her. You might know more than me about babies but you don't know more than me about Katie"
Liam knew he was being a bit harsh but he was already in a argumentative mood, ready for Noel, ready for the interview, ready to be Liam Gallagher rock n roll star.
"Sorry Liam I was a bit harsh I know it's just it's hard every time I see her I think of Kelly, how much I miss her and sometimes I think about what you put her through, all the bad things so I guess I take it out on you but then I also remember how happy you made her, how much fun she had. I'm sorry"
"Look I get it ok, I just don't like you taking it out on me. I really don't put up with shit like that, I never have. I want you to see Katie, to spend time with her, to tell her about her mam but all I ask is don't have a go at me, trust me, have faith in me, do it for Kelly she always believed in me, always saw the good in me no matter how much of a bastard I was. I'm not gonna destroy the one thing that's left of her"
Karen looked down at Katie then at Liam she had never been sure about him, she'd seen Kelly crying over him, things he'd done. She saw the hell he put her through with his issues and suicide attempts. She never believed he was in it for the long term, she was pretty sure he was probably sleeping around the entire time they were together and would have pissed off with someone else when he got bored. Yet to her surprise he had stepped up with Katie, he'd took her home, he was trying to be a father to her, he'd accepted being a single father without too much complaining, she had to give him a chance. Plus Katie would want for nothing, she'd get the best of everything, he was gonna spoil her rotten.
"Ok come on then, tell me her routine, how she likes things, what she doesn't like etc"
Liam explained everything as best he could without sounding too picky, as he explained he realised how worried and nervous he was about leaving her with Karen overnight, it was different than with his mum, different even to Katie's mum. It wasn't that he didn't trust Karen as such but he trusted people like Maggie and Dave more, in outside the family terms.
"I don't know what time I'll get back to my hotel room tonight but can you call when you put her to bed, leave a message or something, if I get a chance I'll call you around her bedtime obviously but just incase I don't I'd appreciate a message"
"Of course I will, I've got the number so no worries there and of course I'll call if I need you too. Don't worry everything will be fine, I'll look after her, you just enjoy your time with the band"
Liam was still worried but he had to trust her.
He was getting so excited to be back with the band, it seemed like Dave was taking ages.
Karen could tell Liam was trying to hide his excitement, it was obvious he just wanted Dave to arrive. She was a bit worried how Liam would behave, he needed to tone down his actions but would he.
Liam jumped up when he heard the knock on the door
"Hey Dave you alright?"
Dave walked in and sat down
"I'm fine, you ready to go? Or we having a coffee first? We've got time"
"I'm ready but if you want a coffee first that's cool"
Dave decided on coffee, he wanted to see Katie. He walked straight over to Karen
"Come on then I'm sure she'll want cuddles off her uncle Dave"
Karen seemed unhappy handing her over, but passed her to him anyway
Liam came in with the coffee
"Aww you getting cuddles off ya uncle Dave. She adores you, you know"
"I know. God Liam she definitely has your eyes, beautiful blue eyes. I was saying to liz the other day she's gonna be beautiful, she'll definitely break some hearts. Liz wants to come over and see her soon"
"No boy is getting anywhere near her I can tell you, I'll fucking batter them (he laughed) aye she's welcome over anytime"
Karen felt a bit pushed out, though she knew it wasn't deliberate, Liam and Dave had known each other a long time, they were close. Dave was Liam's friend not hers, she didn't know him plus at the end of the day Dave's job was to look after Liam, he was paid to look after him, get him to places, basically be his minder so by extension he was expected to look after Katie. But one thing that really bothered her was that he was uncle Dave and she was just Karen.
"Right Liam, we should head off now you know what Noel's like if ya late"
"Aye cool. I need that bag there and grab a couple things from my room and I'm ready"
Liam went into his room grabbing his cigarettes, a razor blade and went to the bedside table to grab his coke and some pills. He began to walk away then noticed the bag on his drawers still had a bit of coke in so tipped it out and snorted it before he left.
He picked Katie up, gave her a kiss and cuddle
"Daddy's gotta go to work, auntie Karen is gonna look after you so be good girl for her. Love you"
He turned to Karen
"Right you've got everything in those bags that she needs, my number and here's a spear set of keys for this place in case you need anything, plus you can just leave here whenever you want, just lock up when you go. Look after her, call if you need me and thank you for this"
He kissed Katie goodbye and headed to the car.
"Thank fuck for that, I get to be me again. Can we stop off to get some alcohol?"
"No time you'll have to just drink at the hotel. The interview is in the bar so you'll be fine, just order some up to ya room for later"
The roads were busy, they ended up sitting in traffic jams, Liam hated that, if he was honest he hated London, the only good thing about it was the nightlife, the pubs, clubs and celebrity hangouts. Not that he was gonna get out much now, he was thinking of moving back to Manchester it would be easier there he had his mam, Paul and Sandy, other family. Here he only really had Noel who obviously had no intention of helping him and he couldn't keep expecting Maggie and Dave to help, it wasn't their job.
"So Liam you planning a crazy night? Since you're free from responsibilities you can have a bit of fun. I know you'll be going a bit crazy stuck in."
"Aye lots of alcohol, drugs, maybe I'll find someone to shag and of course the usual argument with my brother. Ah how I've missed it all, you know what I mean"
They arrived at the hotel and went into the bar. The rest of the band minus Noel were sat talking to the interviewer, Liam swaggered over
"So what's the crack? Where's the miserable cunt?
Bonehead answered
"We're just having a laugh until we start the interview proper, we were just waiting on you and Noel. Haven't got a fucking clue where he is, he's never late usually"
"Cunts probably got into a fight with Meg or something"
Liam sat down and ordered a drink. Luckily it was John doing the interview, they knew him, they liked him so they all got on well, he wouldn't be arsed about starting the interview late, he'd quite happily just have a drink with them for now. An hour passed and still no sign of Noel, Liam wondered if Noel had wrote the day or time of the interview down wrong, though he couldn't see Noel doing that, he was so organised with stuff like that and it was usually him that kept the rest of them right.
"You think I should call him? I mean he could have left but stuck in traffic, at least Meg could tell us if he's left the house. I know he'll probably have a go at me for calling but at least we'll know or John if you want we can do the interview without him so you're not stuck waiting? Again he'll kill me but you've got shit to do"
"We can give him another half hour then you can call Meg if he isn't here. I can't hang around all day but I've got a bit of time"
Liam sat back down and ordered more drinks. This was so strange usually when he went off it was because he'd left the band, sacked them all or was just sick of them but they hadn't seen each other for a while, they hadn't been doing band stuff so there wasn't really a reason that Liam could think of. The half hour passed so Liam went over to the phone
"Hello?"
"Meg it's Liam we're all sitting in the hotel for Noel, we have an interview that was supposed to start a hour and half ago. Is he there? Has he left to get here? We need to know if we should just do it without him, John can't hang around all day"
"He's not there? He went for a walk ages ago when he didn't come back I assumed he'd just gone straight to the interview. So I don't have a fucking clue where he is. Just do what you want to do, if John can't stay do it without him or if you don't want to risk shit off him maybe rearrange it"
"I can't fucking rearrange it (he changed to whispering) I don't know when I'll be able to get a babysitter"
"Look if you'd rather rearrange it just do it, I'll look after Katie"
"Aye but will you give her back"
"For fucks sake Liam of course I will, I'm not gonna kidnap her"
"Ok I'll speak to the others, see what they wanna do"
Noel had wanted to think, he wanted to be alone, away from all distractions, to have a clear head. Eventually he came to a bench, way back from the footpath in the trees, it seemed a odd place to put a bench but it was perfect for him, out of the way where no one could see him. He sat down and lit a cigarette. He was thinking about Liam, about Katie, about how he could help him. Noel had needed to think alone, when he'd tried to think at home people stuck their nose in, especially Meg. He'd realised she had been influencing what he was doing and the fact that she didn't like Liam was obviously affecting her views. Plan and simple she didn't think Katie should be with Liam, she didn't think he could look after her, she'd already decided he was a failure and wouldn't give him a chance. So Noel had ended up subconsciously thinking the same. But now he had to get that all out of his head, he had to be a big brother. Liam needed help if he was going to do this, he needed support not put down's, Noel needed to help him balance things, he had to start thinking about adjusting the band's schedule, adapting it. He knew most of that was practical but he was at a loss about how to help in other ways, practical was a start. He sat there trying to think about other ways but again he mainly came up with practical stuff like babysitting. Maybe just sitting down with Liam, talking to him, asking him what he needed, how he could help him, but the way they were with each other, would Liam actually tell him, would he believe Noel wanted to help or would it turn into Liam trying to prove himself, show that he doesn't need Noel, and all the other little things stemming from the constant competition, point proving and silly arguments. How could he convince Liam to talk to him, make him believe he wanted to truly help. Noel was also quite excited about being an uncle, he already adored Katie, she was his family, you could see Liam in her, she had his eyes it reminded Noel of when Liam was a baby and Noel would hold him when their mum was busy and Liam would just stare up at him. In someways Noel just wanted to go and hug Liam, let him cry, let him just talk about all his problems and worry's, tell him everything would be ok, not that Liam would let him. He kinda felt like falling into the protector big brother role, to make sure Liam was ok so Liam could make sure Katie was ok. Though his thoughts did always drift back to Liam's drinking, his drug taking, the fights he got into, the amount of girls he had sex with, his partying that often got out of hand. How he was irresponsible, unreliable and arrogant, how he could easily become aggressive, how he couldn't even look after himself though he'd been looking after Katie on his own for a bit now so he must have learned something plus mam trusted him enough to go back to Manchester and Meg had said everything seemed fine. It would be interesting to see how he copes when he was back doing stuff with the band again.
"Shit"
Suddenly Noel remembered he was supposed to be at a hotel for a band interview, he was well over an hour late, he jumped up and ran off to see if he could find a taxi.
Liam walked back through to the bar
"She doesn't know where he is, he went for a walk ages ago and she ain't seen him since. She suggested either do the interview without him or rearrange it so thought I'd see what you lot think and what John wants to do"
They all started to discuss the options and just as they were Noel came into the bar and walked up to the table, before he could speak Liam jumped up, pissed off and drunk
"Where the fuck you been? Couldn't be bothered? Thought you'd make us look like idiots? Something more important to do? If it was one of us you'd go fucking mental, probably sack us. Stupid cunt"
"Fuck off, are we doing this interview or not?"
After a fun hour or so of answering questions and Liam and Noel arguing, John had got what he needed enough of a interview that it would still be long enough even after he'd edited most of the arguing out, he always left a bit in though as it was fun, people love to read about it so it helped sell papers and magazines, though today had been more vicious so some of the left in bits would also need words and things edited. They way they went on was why most interviews weren't live and where possible Liam and Noel were interviewed separately.
"Thanks guys, enjoy the rest of your day. I'll send you a copy when it's done"
"Cheers John, take it easy"
Bonehead ordered some more drinks and they all settled in to spend the rest of the day drinking and enjoying themselves, all except Noel.
Noel stood up and looked straight at Liam
"I want a word with you, in private, now"
"Fuck off. I'm relaxing, having a few drinks and having a laugh with me mates"
"Liam, now!"
"Piss of will ya, if you don't wanna join us fine, fuck off, read ya books, write some songs do whatever you want but I'm staying right here"
Noel was getting angry, he wasn't going to let it go, he wasn't gonna take no for an answer even if it meant he had to drag Liam out the bar.
"I'm not joking Liam, I want a word with you right now. Get off your fucking arse you bastard, I'll drag you out of here if I have to"
Liam stood up and squared up to him, got right in his face
"Try it you cunt, I'll fucking knock you out"
This really wasn't going how Noel had hoped it would but it had gone too far for him to change it now.
"You can either walk out of here with me or I'll drag you out. It's up to you"
The rest of the band were just watching them they knew when they argued like this it was best to keep out of it, getting involved would probably mean a punch in the face, being on the wrong end of a head-but, definitely some sort of smack in the face. So the safest option was just carry on what they were doing, have a drink and ignore them, maybe tell the bar staff to keep out of it.
Suddenly Noel grabbed Liam by the back collar of his T-shirt and began to drag him towards the door, all the while Liam hitting him and kicking at him but still Noel got him out of the door. Noel was a lot stronger than he looked and could be forceful when he needed to be, Liam was drunk so his aim was off and he wasn't steady on his feet, Noel had only had a couple of pints so had the advantage of being sober.
Noel threw Liam into the lift, as soon as Liam was free from his grip he went for him, Noel just kept pushing him back. When the lift stopped he got ahold of Liam again, dragged him down a corridor, threw him in a room and locked the door behind them. Straight away Liam came at Noel again, Noel pushed him down and he landed on the bed
"Calm the fuck down. Sit on the bed and bloody listen to me."
"Fuck off. You've got no right to drag me up here. I'm going back to the bar"
Noel pushed him back on the bed
"Sit down"
Liam sat up and stared at him. Who did he think he was dragging him up here, did he think he was their dad dragging them round the house when they were kids? Well he wasn't, Liam wasn't a kid anymore and Noel was just his brother. Liam decided not to fight him anymore, he might as well let Noel say what he wanted to say, it would probably be bullshit and Liam could just pretend he was listening, that was probably the quickest way to be allowed back to the bar. It was obvious Noel wasn't gonna give up, he was gonna force Liam to stay and listen so the longer Liam fought the longer it would drag on.
"Right have you calmed down now? Are you gonna listen to me now?"
"Aye whatever. Who's room is this?"
"Yours."
"Can I order some drinks then?"
"No. Not until you listen to me"
"Right. Whatever. Get on with it."
Noel suddenly realised he didn't know what to say, he didn't know where to start. The silence was deafening. He had to say something, the longer he left it the more likely Liam was to lose his temper again and demand to leave.
"I was late cos I went for a walk so I could think, I lost track of time, I was just sitting on this bench smoking and thinking. I needed to be on my own so I had a clear head, think without distractions"
"What the fucks that gotta do with me"
"Because I was fucking thinking about you, you bloody idiot"
"That's nice, bet it was fucking strange, thinking about your brother for more than two seconds"
"I care about you, for fucks sake Liam"
"Aye about keeping me in line, making sure I don't fuck thing up for you, what you can have a go at me about next. I bet you managed to make a nice big list of things"
"Oh my god Liam come on, that's not all I think about in relation to you"
"Whatever"
"Anyway no, I was thinking about how you are coping, how ya feeling, what I can do to help. I was thinking about how you were managing with Katie, what I can do to help you with her, what you need me to do. I was thinking as a big brother. A big brother concerned about his little brother, about what you're going through, what you're having to deal with. I don't want you dealing with it alone, I want to help"
Liam laughed
"Nah you're thinking of ways to take her off me, no you're just waiting for me to fail, thinking how fucking stupid I am getting myself into this situation"
"Liam please, I'm not thinking like that. I'm sorry about what Meg said, it's not normal for me to say sorry in this way but I am sorry, what she said was insensitive, unkind, a bit nasty and we were wrong to not give you a chance to do it yourself. It was meant as a way to say how much we wanted to help but we didn't think it through properly and it all came out wrong"
"Too fucking right it did, you pretty much said I'd be useless, you'd be better and you topped it off by saying it would be better if you were dad and I was just uncle Liam. How do you think that sounded to me? How do you think it made me feel? Plus getting Meg to suggest it, how fucking stupid was that! She hates me, she already thought I was useless, stupid and unreliable."
Liam was getting angry. He was confused too, was Noel being genuine, did he really want to help in a positive way or was he just saying it and tomorrow he'd go back to his original position. If he did want to help Liam really wanted and needed his help but if this turned out to be lies, he had no intention to help and Liam opened up to him how would that make him look, he'd just be showing Noel was right, giving him more ammunition to take Katie away. Plus he didn't want to look weak, sacred, vulnerable etc in front of Noel. He really didn't know what to do.
"Liam, I don't know how to help you, I need you to tell me. I'm not good at talking about this stuff, especially with you I've just left that to mam, I never really thought you would ever need me in that way but suddenly you're in a situation where you do need me and I want to help"
"You could start by actually having faith in me, believe in me. Maybe even thinking I can do this.
Maybe we can have conversations that don't always turn into arguments. Also maybe you could be a uncle to Katie take her out, play with her etc. I won't know what I need until I need it."
"Ok. We still need to have some arguments I mean we are brothers and we can't change anything"
Noel laughed
They both looked at each other, the look brothers do and they knew, they knew they had reached a understanding, a pact. They knew they were both being genuine and meant what they were saying.
"Tell you what you're going home tomorrow night so how about I come over day after and we can spend the day together, you, me and Katie"
"Ok, sounds cool, just call me before so I can sort us out. Get Katie ready and stuff"
"Ok. Sounds good"
"Can I go back to the bar now? Obviously I don't get the chance to go out much now, I think it's gonna only when I'm doing band stuff and on tour, know what I mean"
"Yes we'll go back to the bar, we'll have a drink and enjoy ourselves"
"Aye try to forget all the other shit"
They joined the others in the bar, there was quite a gang that had joined them as usual and as soon as Liam and Noel walked in a lot more people came over. Liam pushed his way into a seat, right in between two very attractive girls, Noel gave him the what are you like look and sat down. More drinks were ordered and they settled in, it didn't take long for things to get a bit loud and rowdy but they weren't hurting anyone so the staff left them too it. It wasn't long before Liam was chatting up the girl on his left, definitely his type blonde, skinny, big tits and definitely flirting with him so he calculated it wouldn't take more that an hour or two to get her to drop her knickers. After a couple more drinks he nipped to the toilets for a few lines of coke. After sitting back down he noticed another girl watching him, he decided to say hello, she led him back to the toilets and got on her knees, undid his jeans, gave him a blow job, smiled and disappeared. He wasn't gonna complain, she seemed happy enough with it so no harm done.
He had a few drinks then it turned out he was right as in an hour and half he got the girl up to his room. After she left he decided to just drink in his room alone, he was no longer in the mood to be social. It just seemed better to be alone.
He grabbed a bottle of jack and a bottle of Pepsi, poured a drink and made up some lines. After the lines and half a glass he sat back on the bed, all he could think was what the fuck am I doing? Here he was back doing the whole rock star thing when he had a baby back home so tomorrow he had to be doing dad stuff. Two different roles, two different people, he hated it, he couldn't wait to be back on tour.