A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Where Did It All Go Wrong

Liam ordered some drinks to his room, he called Pez ordered some more pills, coke and weed and added acid to his order. Pez said he'd be over in about an hour. Liam started drinking. Pez was dead on time.
"Hey Liam here's your stuff. It's unusual for you to order acid, you must fancy really getting out of your head"
"Just a few things going on, I fancy a big blow out you know so I don't have to think about things"
"Wanna talk about it, drug dealers tend to keep things confidential especially when we deal to the rock stars"
Liam really did wanna talk to someone outside the band but he knew the amount of money the papers would pay for this story.
"Nah it's ok I'm just gonna get out of my head and deal with it all tomorrow"
"Okies but you know where I am"
Pez took his money and left. As soon as the door closed Liam set up some lines, he was deciding if he fancied going out, he could ring Kyle and they could have a good laugh. There was a good pub and club near the hotel so it would be easy to head there. So keep drinking for a bit, call Kyle and head out seemed like a good plan.
A few hours later he picked up the phone
"Hey Kyle fancy a night out? Glad the lawyer got you out with no charges, though I knew he would. I'm in a hotel I can give you the address, you can head over and we can go out"
"Aye thanks for the lawyer, I got let out about an hour after they took you away. I've been worried about you. I'll head over in about an hour if that's okay?"
"Aye that's cool. I'm ok, just got a lot on my mind. I'll tell you about it later. I'm in room two five three I'll tell the receptionist that it's fine for you to come up?"
He put the phone down, swallowed some pills and began looking through his clothes to find something to wear, he settled on blue jeans and a black checkered shirt, put them on the chair and sat on the bed with a bottle of champagne. Kyle arrived and Liam handed him a can. After a few drinks and on Liam's part some drugs they began to talk. Kyle was telling him about how his dad was a twat and was still trying to keep him hidden away and was still embarrassed by him. Liam told Kyle to remember he was his own person, that he wasn't an embarrassment, he was a great guy and not to listen to his dad. Then Kyle turned to Liam
"So what's up with you?"
"Long story really but I'll give you a short version. You know that girl I was seeing, Kelly. Well she ended up pregnant which was hard enough but then she went into labour and there was complications, she died. So I've been left with as a single father to a if I do say so myself very beautiful baby girl. But I've got no fucking idea what I'm doing"
Kyle didn't know what to say, there's not a lot to say to that really other than sorry.
"I'm so sorry Liam is there anyway I can help?"
"You can come out tonight, have a drink, have some fun, just help me enjoy myself. One last blow out, one last crazy night"
"I can do that, I would like to meet the little one"
Liam smiled and nodded. They both got themselves ready and headed for the pub. They walked in and the usual looks and whispers started but they didn't last long. Liam ordered drinks and noticed a group of guys his age so headed over.
"Hey guys you mind if we join you?"
"It's cool, sit yourselves down."
They sat down and Liam began ordering drinks, it wasn't long before they were all smashed and were having a great time, football banter, talking about birds, and just stupid shit. Liam kept nipping off to the toilet for coke or just swallowing the pills with alcohol, he was keeping the acid for the club. The lads mentioned they were meeting some other friends in a bit, including some birds, Liam invited them all to the club. One spoke up
"That club's expensive, I don't think we can afford it"
"Don't worry about it, I've got enough money to pay for us all"
With that they got one last round in. Kyle whispered in Liam's ear
"It's kinda like wetting the baby's head without telling anyone"
"Cheers to that"
Soon they were off to the club.
Noel was sitting with his guitar when his phone rang.
"Hello Noel here"
"Noel it's mam, I'm trying to get in touch with Liam he's not answering his phone. Katie won't settle I think she wants Liam, she wants her dad."
"Give me a minute I'll go knock on his door, if he doesn't answer I'll get someone to let me in, he's probably asleep"
Noel put the handset down and walked across to Liam's room and banged on the door, he didn't answer so Noel got someone to open it. He walked in to see the empty bottles and cans, the white dust on the bedside table, clothes everywhere. Then he noticed a note next to the kettle 'gone out see you in am Rkid'
Noel rolled his eyes, great what was he gonna tell mam, he couldn't really say Liam's out, he's drunk, high and I don't know where he actually is
He walked back to his room and picked up the handset.
"He's not there at the minute whitey said him and bonehead have gone to get him something for his throat, we think he's starting to get a bit of a cold, so it's probably a good idea if he just rests cos we've got the gig"
"Your being a bit nice about him there, unusual for you. Makes me wonder if you're telling me the truth"
"Mam you told me to be nice, he's not well that's all."
Peggy knew Noel was lying, he more than likely didn't have a clue where Liam was but she couldn't be bothered to argue she had Katie to think about. She did plan to have a word with them both when they got home.
The club was packed of course Liam managed to get a table, which was soon surrounded by people, Kyle still wasn't used to it but he enjoyed it. Liam opened a tab behind the bar and it seemed the next drink appeared before you'd finished the one you had. Liam was already smashed, still high and didn't seem to give a shit about anything. The girls were crowding around him and it didn't take him long to disappear with one or two. By this time Liam had dropped some acid so was on a different planet. The night went on and things descend into chaos but fun chaos. Eventually they had to leave, Liam with a girl on each arm. He turned to Kyle
"Where the hell is my hotel? I can't fucking remember. Maybe I should just take these beautiful ladies to my place, I remember where that is"
He started laughing. Kyle knew he couldn't let Liam go home, he had to make sure he got him back to the hotel. The problem was he was having trouble remembering where it was, he knew they were near it and there can't be that many hotels around here. After walking around for a bit they noticed a hotel with a bunch of photographers outside and realised that was their hotel. Liam strutted straight up to the door, complete with his two girls and walked straight past all the flashing cameras, Kyle followed him up to his room.
"Kyle I booked you the room next door so you don't have to go home, you're welcome to one of the birds if you want"
"No thanks I'm just gonna go to sleep, you should too"
"Nah I'm gonna have a bit more fun, like I say big blow out haha"
Liam shut his door and smiled. After a few more drinks he started to get depressed, he ended up just going through the motions with the girls, his body was into it but his brain wasn't. Luckily they decided to leave not long after they'd finished.
Liam sat on the bed wearing only his boxers, he couldn't be bothered to put anything else on. He looked around, a magazine sat on the desk, him and Noel on the front with the headline 'oasis on how they became the biggest band in the world' all Liam could think about was how he'd probably ruined all that. He'd ruined everything, he was just a failure at everything. The entire masterplan Noel had put together was fucked. He had been on top of it, keeping to the plan then it all just went wrong. He got up and walked over to his bag and began looking for his razor, just as he found it there was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?"
"Noel, open the fucking door"
Liam opened the door and let Noel in.
"Don't shout my heads banging"
"Who's fault's that, yours. Now sit down before you fucking fall down you idiot"
"What do you want? I'd like to go to sleep at some point."
"I've got some questions, to save time I'm just gonna list them. Where have you been? I'm guessing you've spent the whole time drunk and high. Did you have some birds in here? And what the fuck you think you doing, you're being a idiot, you're stupid you've got other things to think about now"
"I've been to a club, yes I'm drunk, high and I had two birds in here for a quick shag, what's a matter you jealous. Right now I don't want to think about things ok"
"You've got no choice you have to think about it. Mam called earlier, she was trying to get through to you. Katie wouldn't settle, mam said she must have wanted you. Listen closely to this bit, she wanted her daddy. There is someone else who needs you now, someone else you need to think about before you think of yourself. If you're not careful Liam you'll lose her"
Liam couldn't stop himself, he just started to say everything that was wrong, all the stuff he never thought he'd tell Noel.
"Maybe that would be better for her, I'm not exactly good enough to be a father, I can't even look after myself. I'm just useless, what exactly am I good at apart from drinking, fighting, and being a frontman. To be honest oasis could exist without me, if I died who would miss me. Locking me in the nuthouse didn't make any difference. I fail at pretty much everything I have like four failed suicide attempts so if I can't get that right then obviously I'm gonna fail as a dad. I'm just trying not to fall apart, I try to cover it with drink and drugs but that just makes things worse. I never take my tablets, I keep forgetting, I still haven't made my outpatient therapy appointments, if I don't soon they might try and lock me up again. Half the time I'm just manic, the other half I just want to die."
Noel couldn't believe what Liam was saying, he couldn't decide if it was the truth or just a story. Though Noel knew Liam's expressions, knew his voice he sounded sad, panicked, he sounded like a scared little child. He couldn't look in Noel's eyes, just looked at the floor. For the first time since they were kids Noel stepped over to Liam and just wrapped his arms around him.
"It's ok to cry Liam, I'm here for you, always. You're my little brother I love you"
Liam was so relieved, he sobbed into Noel's shoulder. When Liam stepped back and sat down Noel sat beside him.
"Thanks. But I've fucked everything up haven't I? I don't even know if I can cope anymore. I'm so scared. To be honest just before you knocked I'd smashed my razor to get the blade out"
"Liam look we will deal with everything, I'm not gonna let anything get in the way of oasis, we can make adjustments. You need to start taking your tablets and make an appointment with whoever you're supposed to see. You can cope, you just need to get your head on straight, you need to change, grow up a bit. I don't really understand why you're feeling like this. How long has this been going on?"
"Years. It's just kept getting worse. They think I've got a personality disorder"
"Well we already fucking knew that, I mean come on you've got about seven. You are a nutcase but this depression, talking about suicide you've never been like that around me"
"Aye cos you'd laugh at me, tell me I was being stupid etc it's not like you care what I'm going through outside the band"
"Of course I care you're my little brother. God Liam come on"
"Whatever I mean tomorrow you're just gonna go back to how you normally are with me"
"Look having Katie will be hard but me, mam and Paul won't let you fail. Get some sleep, don't drink anymore, leave the drugs alone, take your tablets and we'll talk in the morning"
Liam didn't have his medication with him but decided not to tell Noel, he kinda felt better but also worse. Noel left and Liam began to worry, how was Noel gonna be with him tomorrow, would he pretend this never happened, would he tell mam. That would kill him, he didn't want her to know, it would hurt her so much. Noel might treat him differently, their relationship was bad enough as it was. His brain was going down the rabbit hole again. His brother probably thought he was an idiot, he was no good for Katie, oasis could carry on without him, he would only hurt his mam, he was putting so much stress on Dave. No, they would all be better off without him. He got a drink, picked up his drugs and the razor blade and sat down. He lit a cigarette, he really couldn't cope anymore things had just got so out of hand, he just kept thinking where did it all go wrong, he had everything he wanted but he still fucked it all up, he was like a walking disaster.
He seemed to separate from himself, his brain was thinking, going round in circles, it was like he didn't notice the amount of drugs he was taking, the cigarette's he was putting out on his arms, the cuts he was making with the razor blade. When he stood up to get another drink he took two steps and collapsed to the floor. His vision was blurred, he wanted to close his eyes, eventually he did.
Noel had went back to his room to think, to try and process what Liam had said. Had he said the right thing to him, what should he do, he really couldn't understand it all, what did Liam have to be depressed about he had it all he had the success and fame he'd always wanted. Maybe he should have stayed with him for a bit. Noel decided to go back and check on him. He knocked at the door but didn't get an answer so he lifted a master key from the cleaning staff room. He opened Liam's door slowly in case he was asleep. He saw Liam on the floor with blood around him, the empty drugs packets on the bed and the empty bottle of jack. He shut the door behind him and rushed over to Liam.
"Liam, Liam wake up"
Noel kept shaking him, Liam's eye began to flutter a bit
"What have you done you fucking idiot, god come on sit up"
Noel dragged Liam and propped him up against the bed. He ran to the bathroom, got some towels and wrapped them around Liam's arms. He got some water and tried to get Liam to drink some water but he was too out of it. Noel didn't know what to do, he didn't want to call an ambulance.
Liam slumped down again, Noel went to see if he could work out what and how much Liam had taken, there was a big empty bag which had obviously held coke, about seven empty bags of pills, a few tabs of acid were left. Noel quickly realised he should try to make Liam throw up, it might get some of the shit out of his system. He walked over sat Liam back up and stuck his fingers down his throat, Liam began to gag and eventually threw up, he started to come round.
"Ugh what's going on?"
Liam looked around, Noel was sitting in front of him, just watching
"Liam you scared me to death, I thought you were gonna die"
"Em I don't know what happened"
Liam started to close his eyes again, Noel noticed the towel's on his arms were soaked in blood, Noel went over to check, Liam had passed out again. For the first time in a long time Noel really didn't know what to do, he couldn't think.
"Fucking hell Liam, don't you die on me. I know I hate you but I love you, you're my idiot little brother. Come on open your eyes"
He took the towels away, Liam was still bleeding Noel realised he had two options sit here and probably end up watching Liam die or phone an ambulance which he really wanted to avoid but it seemed if he didn't he was gonna lose Liam
"Hi I need a ambulance please, my brother's had an accident he's bleeding bad and is unconscious"
"Ok is he breathing"
"Yes"
"Try to stem the bleeding and I'll send an ambulance now. Where are you?"
Noel gave the name of the hotel and the room number and went back over to Liam. He sat down pulled Liam's head on his knee and just sat there, lost.
Eventually Noel heard the paramedics knock on the door, he ran and opened it
"Look I didn't wanna say the full truth on the phone for obvious reasons but he must have took an overdose of different drugs, I made him throw up but I don't know if it did any good cos I don't know when he took them, he's cut his arms and wrists I can't stop the bleeding I don't know what to do"
The paramedics were already tending to Liam before Noel had even finished talking.
"We'll try to stabilise him if we can avoid taking him to hospital we will but we can't promise anything right now"
Noel watched as the two paramedics buzzed around Liam, sticking tubes down his throat to make him throw up again, the seemed to be doing something to his arms too. One got on the radio and asked for some different paramedic to join them. After a while someone else came in and started to help the others
"Will someone tell me what's going on? Is he ok?"
"We are trying to sort it so we don't have to take him to hospital. We have cleared his system as much as we can, the guy that's just joined us is stitching him up. After that's done we can assess how he is the main thing is if he fully regains consciousness"
The both jumped when a voice shouted out
"What the fuck, who are you?, shit my fucking head, what you doing to me?"
Liam had come round alright and was fighting with the paramedics, Noel walked over
"Liam calm down their helping you"
Liam sat up and the main paramedic checked him over.
"As long as you keep him awake, make him drink water, don't let him get too excited and make sure he's careful with the stitches, we've bandaged them up but still he needs to be careful. Then we can leave him here with you but you need to sign some paperwork"
Noel nodded and signed what was put in front of him before shutting the door. It was morning and in a few hours they would have to be at the top of the pops studio.
"Liam lie down for a bit, we've got top of the pops today. I've spoke to your friend Kyle he's gonna stick around today and tomorrow so you have someone who understands all this shit cos I can't be there all the time to watch you, I've gotta sort all the band stuff out."
Liam lay down but sat himself up a bit so he could still see Noel, he picked up a cigarette, lit it and pulled a blanket over his legs.
Noel couldn't believe how sad Liam looked, it was like he was the same little boy that had just been told his granddad had died, that was the last time Noel saw him cry, after that he'd always used aggression to show emotion. He got a shock when Liam spoke, his voice was quiet and panicked.
"You can't tell anyone about this, the band, no one. Especially mam, definitely not mam. This can't get out imagine what it would do to the band, to my reputation. I promise I won't bother you about it again so just forget about it."
"How the fuck can I forget you lying there on the floor, I thought you were gonna die for fuck sake. For the first time in years I didn't know what to do, I felt helpless. As for telling anyone I won't but me and you will talk again. Now you rest, Kyle is gonna make sure you don't fall asleep and drink water which is what the paramedics said you need to do so don't shout, argue, or get pissed off with Kyle he's only looking after you"
Kyle came in with some bottles of water
"Hey you"
Liam smiled at him. Noel looked at Kyle
"Look after him, don't take any shit from him and come find me if something happens. Thanks"
Noel left. Kyle sat down, gave Liam a bottle of water and put the telly on.
After the top of the pops performance they all went back to the hotel, Noel suggested Liam go home for a bit see Katie, see mam, be somewhere he was used to. Liam didn't want to he was still in a bit of a state but Noel bugged him and rang a taxi. Noel pretty much had to push him in but he went, Noel hoped it might make him feel better.
Liam put his keys in the door wondering if this was a good idea. Just as he walked in he heard Katie crying, she was in her little seat but Peggy wasn't there. Liam walked over and picked her up
"Shhh it's ok, I'm here"
Peggy appeared from the toilet
"Oh god Liam you nearly gave me a heart attack. Where were you yesterday?"
"I ended up feeling really ill, so I ended up falling asleep. I'm sorry. I thought I'd pop home today since I'm feeling a bit better"
"Do you want a cup of tea?"
Liam nodded so Peggy went through to the kitchen. Liam was still holding Katie but his arms were hurting so he sat down with her, she'd calmed down and was settled in Liam's arms he looked at her, so tiny, so innocent and dependent on him, she needed him to look after her.
Peggy brought the tea through she stopped for a minute to watch Liam without him noticing. Liam obviously loved Katie, she could tell not just by how he was with her but also motherly instinct. It was gonna be hard but she had faith in him, with help he'd be ok.
"Here you go son. I picked up a little indoor baby seat and basket so she doesn't have to stay in the car seat. I know it's supposed to do both but she deserves to have an indoor one too plus you can afford it. Give her here while you drink your tea"
"It's ok she's settled at the minute my tea won't go cold that quick, plus it's nice sitting with her, calms me down a bit"
After a while he put her down so he could drink his tea, it had gone cold but he drank it anyway. They sat in silence for a bit Liam didn't know if it was cos his mam didn't have anything to say to him or if she didn't want to wake Katie.
"Mam I've got to go back to the hotel tonight cos of the gig but if you want you could pop over tomorrow, give us a call to check where we are first though"
"Liam I have to look after Katie, there's no one to watch her"
"Bring her she can meet the rest of the band"
"What about the press who are all around the hotel?"
"We'll sneak you in the back, make sure no staff disturb us"
"Well that depends on if you want to take the risk, I'll call you. How long do we have you tonight?"
"I'll have to leave in about two hours"
The next morning Noel woke Liam early, just to make sure he was gonna be on time for the interview and gig. After the usual don't be late lecture Noel went off to do some more demos.
Liam made some coffee and checked his watch, it was ten am which was definitely early for him. He was just coming out of the shower when the phone rang.
"Hi Liam it's mam do you still want us to come over? I can be over in an hour"
"Aye sounds good, I'll get Maggie to meet you at the back door and bring you up. I don't have the interview till three so plenty of time, so about an hour then. I'll get everything sorted now"
Liam suddenly remembered he hadn't told Maggie the situation he better hurry up he didn't have much time, so called her to his room.
"Hey Liam, I got a message saying you wanted to see me"
"Yeah I need you to do me a favour but I need to explain something to you first"
Maggie was shocked, Liam sounded serious, he wasn't swearing, he even sounded kinda polite. This definitely worried her.
"Sure I will. What's wrong? You don't seem yourself if I'm honest and you sound serious, for once."
"I'm ok, it's kinda important and serious"
"Ok let's sit down, take your time"
"Kinda time sensitive in terms of the favour"
"Ok, but I'll still grab us a bottle"
Maggie grabbed two bottles.
"Well I was seeing this girl, Kelly she was called. I was a bit of a cunt as usual but I really liked her. Anyway she ended up pregnant and I was being a arsehole, couldn't make a decision etc so she ended up deciding to keep the baby, eventually we talked and thought maybe we should try and make a go of it. Anyway you know me and Noel left the tour it was cos she went into labour early to skip to the point, Kelly died but our baby survived, Katie she's called. She's living with me now, mam's caring for her while I'm doing band stuff. I've asked mam to come over here with her today, like in half an hour. So I was wondering if you'd meet them at the back door and bring them up here, maybe help me with things like keeping staff etc away, sneaking anything up we might need etc?"
"Oh my god Liam I'm so sorry. Of course I can do that for you. I'm glad you're mam's helping, I'll help anyway I can. Katie is a nice name"
"Thanx she'll be here in about fifteen minutes, I'm gonna tidy up around here, got the place in a bit of a mess"
Maggie headed off so Liam began to tidy up, putting all the bottles, cans and rubbish in the bin, emptied the ashtray's, made sure all traces of drugs were gone, made the bed and put some clothes on, he looked at the clock, they should be here any minute.
Maggie met Peggy at the door and as soon as they were inside asked if she could hold Katie, she was so small and cute. She offered to carry Katie up, Peggy looked tired and had the baby bag. They put Katie back in the car seat, Maggie took the baby bag and carried Katie, Peggy deserved a break. They both kept their eyes out as they went up, when they got to Liam's floor they both shielded Katie from view, put a blanket around her and walked fast Maggie had the key to Liam's room so they didn't have to hang around in the corridor.
"Liam she's beautiful, I don't wanna put her down"
Laughed Maggie
"Give her here, you can't keep her haha"
She gave her a little kiss
"Go to daddy sweetheart, no one will ever hurt you when he's around, I feel sorry for your future boyfriend's cos you're daddy will kill them"
"She's never gonna have a fucking boyfriend I'm not letting any boy anywhere near her especially if they're anything like me"
"Liam you can't do that and you know it"
Liam couldn't tell if Peggy was being serious or just joking.
He decided to send Maggie to get the rest of the band, except Noel who off somewhere sorting out god knows what. It wasn't long before the door opened, Maggie hadn't told them anything.
"Fucking be quiet you lot"
Bonehead jumped In before Liam finished his sentence
"Fuck off when the hell are you quiet"
"Fucking shut up, if you'd let me finish my sentence then you would be quiet. I was about to say try not to wake this little angel"
Liam picked up the baby seat and put it on the bed. They all fell silent and just walked over and looked at her, Bonehead came over to Liam
"She's gorgeous, look at her she's so small. How the fuck is something that cute related to you"
Guigsy joined in
"God Liam it makes the whole thing more real now I've seen her. Cute as owt like. You'll have to be careful there's press everywhere plus we have a scheduled interview"
"I know, I know. We brought her in through the back door like. It's still really surreal that she's actually mine you know, I get really confused when people refer to me as her dad or someone says something like she wants her daddy then passes her to me, takes a minute for it to click"
"How's Noel been with ya?"
"He's been ok, nice in fact which is fucking strange though I don't know if he means it or if he's actually really angry and it just covering it up and one day he's just gonna go mad at me"
Peggy cut in
"Liam he's your brother he's not angry he really does want to help, she's his niece after all she's family. Of course he's going to be a little bit annoyed with you, I'm annoyed with you, you shouldn't have got yourself in this position but she's my granddaughter, I love her and I'm going to do everything I can to help, to support you and I'm sure Noel will too but it's not going to change how you and Noel are, you'll still argue etc. I think Noel is just worried about how it's going to affect the band."
"Aye Noel always has to make sure the band is ok. Band first, brother second. You wouldn't think it was my band first and I let him join, he goes on like it's his band and he did me a favour by letting me join. He likes being the boss, telling people what to do."
"Now come on he'd never choose the band over family anyway if you had to leave or the band broke up he'd probably just go solo"
She laughed and smiled
The rest of the guys were still fussing around Katie, she'd woken up but wasn't crying, currently bonehead was holding her, he was happy and she seemed settled so Liam was happy to leave them to it. Someone began to knock on the door, everyone went silent.
"It's Noel open the door you fucking idiot"
Maggie went and opened the door slowly, making sure no one could see in.
"What's the matter with you lot?"
He then noticed Katie in bonehead's arms and his mam sitting in the corner making up a bottle.
"What the hell is going on here like? Liam for fuck sake there's press everywhere plus you need to chill out ready for the interview and gig"
"The guy's wanted to meet Katie, mam needed a bit of a break and to be honest I wanted to see her. They came up the back stairs don't worry though maybe we should just tell everyone, I can't go on trying to hide her away, what if I wanna take her to the park or something"
"Until we have a plan you'll do nuthin is that clear. If we just throw it out there it will cause chaos so we need a plan on how to manage it so far now she stays hidden"
Peggy went over to Noel
"Don't be so blunt Noel and stop using it, she's not an it, the situation is not an it. Be nicer, she's your niece and Liam is your brother. Family"
"Sorry mam, sorry Liam, sorry Katie"
Peggy was the only person who could get Noel to say sorry, the only one who could make Noel feel bad.
Noel had come to get Liam and the others for the interview. Liam changed his shirt, nipped to the toilet for some coke to wake him up a bit and kissed Katie goodbye before they headed down to the bar. It was time to be Liam Gallagher from oasis again, time to live the rock n roll lifestyle again.