A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

The Shock Of Lightning

There was ringing, it kept getting louder. Liam was half asleep, he couldn't work out what the ringing was, he put the pillow over his head. Thankfully the it stopped, he could go back to sleep but just as he got comfortable the ringing started again, this time he worked out that it was the phone. He looked at the clock, who the fuck was ringing him at half eight in the morning, well he wasn't gonna answer, they'd give up soon.
Then someone was knocking on his door, the phone started again, he was going to have to get up, he decided to deal with the door first. He walked over, opened and shouted
"What the fuck do you want? I'm trying to fucking sleep. Are you responsible for the phone to? It's a bit over the top"
He looked and noticed it was Dave, he looked worried.
"Liam I need to come in, it's important"
As Liam let him in the phone rang again, Dave went over and picked it up.
"Hi. Yes I'm with him now, I'll call once I've told him, don't worry"
Dave put the phone down and turned to Liam
"Liam sit down, I've got something to tell you. Now I don't want you to panic, we can sort something out but you need to listen to me as it's very important"
"Em ok. I'm not very awake yet so I'll make a coffee"
Liam made two coffee's, passed one to Dave and flopped down into a chair. Dave sat in the one opposite.
"So come on then what the fuck is so important that you gotta wake me up this early"
Dave cleared his throat, he really didn't know how to tell Liam the situation, he was just gonna have to come straight out with it.
"It's Kelly she went into labour early, they had to rush her to hospital they took her straight into theatre, they are trying to save her and the baby. Last call I got was to say she's still in theatre and there was no news on either her or the baby"
Liam felt his heart drop, he was in shock, this was serious. Suddenly the whole thing, the whole situation was real.
"Fucking what. Em what hospital is she in? Will it be better if I pay for hospital or something, I don't don't know what to do"
"She's in a London hospital, you can't move her somewhere else you'd have to wait to see what happens with the current condition."
Liam walked over to his clothes and suitcases, he began throwing stuff in
"I have to get home, I need to be there, fucking hell I need to go now. Phone a taxi to get me to the airport"
"Liam calm down I'm gonna get you home but it's gonna take a little time to arrange it and we need to tell Noel so he can sort out what to do about the remaining gigs"
"Fuck Noel he can't stop me"
"You pack, I'll start arranging flights etc"
Dave left, Liam just kept trying to pack, when he got bored with that he just paced around chain smoking. After what seemed like hours he heard the door open again.
"You got it sorted? When's my flight? I'm fucking telling you there better be a flight in the next couple of ours or I'm gonna batter someone"
No one answered but then he felt a hand on his shoulder.
"Come on bro calm down. Dave's on it, he's doing it all as quick as possible. Now come on, sit down, have a drink"
Liam couldn't believe Noel was acting this way, no little digs, No having a go, he was actually being nice, showing he cared.
"I didn't think you'd care"
"For fuck sake Liam. Yes I'm angry with you, yes I think you're a idiot etc but at the end of the day this is my niece or nephew we're talking about, a baby Gallagher. I'm worried about Kelly and the baby, I'm worried about you."
Liam put his head in his hands, they just sat there, they didn't have to speak they knew what each other was thinking. Liam knew Noel was there to support him. Dave came in quickly
"Right I've got the two of you on a flight in two hours, I've booked the taxi from here to the airport and the taxi from the airport to the hospital. I've told the hospital you're coming and Kelly's friends and family know too so if she gets out of theatre and is conscious they can tell her your on your way."
Dave left them to it to tell the other band members some shit about Paul being ill so that covered both of them leaving.
"You're coming with me?"
"Of course I am, I'm not leaving you to deal with this alone"
As they were leaving through the lobby the girl on the desk shouted over to tell Liam someone was on the phone for him, he went over.
"Hi Liam it's Karen, I know your heading to the airport so I'll keep this quick. You have a beautiful daughter, she's in the special care baby unit they put her in an incubator, she's so small they are still very worried about her. Kelly is in surgery we are still waiting for a update on her."
"Thanks I'll be there soon, coming straight from the airport, Noel's coming too. Tell Katie I love her, that's the name Kelly wanted"
"I'll tell her daddy's on the way"
Liam put the phone down and ran to the taxi
"Well Noel you have a niece, Katie Louise Gallagher"
Noel smiled.
The flight seemed to take forever but eventually they landed and found their taxi. Karen was waiting for them by a side door.
"Right we get the lift to the fifth floor and turn right, please don't charge in like a bull in a china shop just try to be calm"
They arrived at the floor and Kelly's parents came straight over, her dad addressed them.
"Hello Liam and you must be Noel. Katie is through here, I'll take you down in a minute. We still don't know anymore about Kelly. I'm glad you came I know things are complicated for you"
"Nothing would stop me from coming no matter how difficult it was."
Liam walked over to the nurses station
"Is there any news on Kelly? How's my little girl doing?"
"I'll see if I can get any news on Kelly, you're daughter is ok, we are not as worried as we were. What she really needs is one of her parents around, go and hold her hand"
Liam went down to see Katie, she was so small. He put his hand through the hole in the incubator, she wasn't that much bigger than his hand, her little hand couldn't even wrap around his finger. Noel sat next to him and they both just watched the tiny little baby, Liam looked at her hospital band it said Katie Gallagher, it really made him realise that this was real, that this little girl was his. He didn't know how long they'd been sitting there when Karen walked in, she looked like she'd been crying, like she was still holding back tears. Liam wanted to know if she was ok
"Are you ok? Has something happened?"
"Oh god Liam I'm sorry Kelly didn't make it"
She burst into tears
Noel turned to Liam, he was worried, he didn't know how he was going to react, he could flip out, get aggressive, start causing trouble so many things could go wrong.
"What? No no no! That can't be right, she's fine. Katie needs her, I need her. For fuck sake"
Liam got up and stormed out into the corridor. Kelly's parents were crying. Liam went straight up to the doctor
"What the fuck, do you not know how to do your fucking job. It can't be that complicated."
"There is no need to shout and swear. There was complications. I saved your daughter sadly I couldn't save your girlfriend and I'm sorry, I understand your angry and want to take it out on someone but what you need to do is concentrate on your daughter, she needs you"
Noel noticed the way the doctor looked at Liam, he was patronising him it was obvious he was aware of Liam's reputation and Liam was living up to it. His eyes were saying that he didn't trust Liam, he was probably thinking Liam would be a useless dad.
Liam was muttering under his breath, trying to stop him punching someone or something
"Hey bro come on let's talk in private, you're getting yourself worked up"
They walked into a side room
"Liam I know you're angry and upset but you need to pull yourself together, there's things to sort out. We'll move Katie to a private hospital in a day or two, you need to ring mam, you'll have to speak Kelly's family about her funeral, we've got to get your place ready for a baby to live there"
"What, live at my place? How am I gonna look after a baby I'll be shit at it. I know I've gotta phone mam to explain."
"Yes Liam live at yours, she's your responsibility now. As her father your the next of kin, your the one she'll be released to and if you grow up, pull yourself together a bit, sort your shit out then I'm sure you can do it, I'll help, mam'll help, Paul will help. Even the rest of the band will help. Plus you'll have Kelly's family and friends so you won't be alone"
Noel knew it wasn't gonna be as easy as he was making it sound, yes as the father Liam was now in charge of the decisions, yes the hospital would send Katie home with him, he had parental rights but if Kelly's parents challenged his fitness as a parent he had a lot that would go against him his drinking, his drug use, his aggressive nature, the fights he gets in, they could use how much Liam and Noel argued, his reputation with girls, his general lifestyle and history as all of it was documented in the press, in interviews and tv appearances. Then there was oasis in general, how often he was on tour or away recording. Obviously a positive was that financially he was secure, Katie wouldn't want for anything but it would be easy for some judge to say well he can pay for everything even if she's living somewhere else. He didn't want them to take her away, he had seen something in Liam's eyes when he saw Katie, something he'd never seen before, not just love but a determination, he looked like he wanted to try, he wanted to take her home and look after her, it was complete unconditional love yes Liam would struggle with the responsibility, yes he got bored easy, and wouldn't like the sleepless nights but he wouldn't let anybody hurt her. Kelly's parents could maybe make a deal with him, they could look after her when he's on tour or something.
The walked back through to where everyone was sitting Liam pulled himself together and spoke
"I'm sorry for going off on one, I was in shock, I'm still tired from the tour, I got told what was happening, I got straight on a plane and came here so it's all been a bit of a shock. I'm sorry for implying you couldn't do your job Dr I'm sure you did everything you could. Now this isn't a reflection on you or anything but I'll be moving Katie to a private hospital in a day or two or whenever you think it is safe. It's for security reasons, more privacy etc."
"It's ok you weren't as bad as I thought you'd be. I'm used to reactions like that when I give people bad news. Now I understand why you want to move her to a private hospital not just for security but they do have more resources, more staff and nicer facilities and if you can afford it then it's the best thing to do, I'd say give it two or three days and I will arrange things with the other hospital on how best to do it. Now I'll leave you lot to talk"
After he left Liam stood up
"I'm going to check on Katie we can talk when I come back"
Liam closed the door behind him and sat down, he reached through and held her little hand. He began to talk to himself, to Katie, to Kelly
"Well you left me right in the shit here, I haven't got a fucking clue what I'm doing, I don't even know if you'd want her to come home with me or go with your parents. Noel says she should come home with me. I mean obviously I'll do my best and get your family to help too but I don't know what they want to do yet. I'm terrified, I've never been so scared and you know me and my tough guy, not scared of anything shit. I bet you're laughing. I wish I knew what you wanted"
He looked down at Katie
"Well I guess it's just me and you, I warn you I have no idea what I'm doing so go easy on me. I've got a lot to learn plus I've gotta learn it fast, I mean should I paint your room pink, how the fuck do I change a nappy though I could employ someone to do that but ya mam would probably haunt me if I did. I'm gonna have to go on a mass shopping spree for you, I don't know what you're mams got since I've been a complete cunt most of the pregnancy and been away for the rest of it, we'd only just decided to give it a go so hadn't really talked about much except your name."
Then the panic set in
"How the hell am I gonna do this, I'm gonna be useless. I can't do this, I can't look after myself let alone a baby maybe I should let Kelly's parents take her she'd be better off I'm a mess if I'm honest. Aw Katie you deserve so much better than me, what use is a fucked up guy who drinks too much, takes drugs and likes a fight. How am I gonna be able to take care of you"
Liam walked back to the others and sat down.
"Obviously I'm taking her to a private hospital and she's coming home with me, but I am going to to need everyone's help. We can sort things out for when I'm on tour, busy with the band. People can pop round and I'm gonna need people to teach me things"
Kelly's mum looked at him
"To be honest Liam we think she would be better off living with us. It's a more stable environment"
Her dad butted in
"Look we don't think you'll be able to look after her, you're not the type of person we want around her. How do we know you won't get so drunk you'll forget she's there, be high as a kite and put her at risk. Your hardly going to be at home. Oasis takes you all over the world, when you're not on tour you're recording, doing promo, tv shows, interviews etc. you're known to be violent and aggressive, just look at how you fight with your brother"
Liam didn't know how to react, he knew he couldn't get aggressive it would just prove their point, but before he could say anything Noel stepped in
"Well I'm afraid as Liam is Katie's father she comes home with him. All that other shit will be sorted later. Anyway how do you know Liam would be like that you don't know him you just know what you've read in the papers"
The doctor came over
"Noel is right. Liam is the biological father all decisions regarding Katie are made by him, she will be discharged to him and nothing can be done about it. When he moves her to the private hospital he will even be allowed to bar people from seeing her"
Liam was still angry but he also realised he needed to stay calm. When he spoke you could hear the anger in his voice even though he was trying to be nice
"I'm not gonna bar you, I want you involved she's your granddaughter but I also want you to respect me. If you're gonna judge me do it on what you see me doing not what you read in the press, give me a chance after all Kelly wanted me involved, she wanted to try to be a family so maybe respect what she wanted"
He knew his last comment would annoy them.
About twenty minutes later everyone apart from Noel and Karen left. Karen came and sat next to him.
"You're right Kelly would want Katie to be with you. She loved you. Some of us used to tell her she was mental failing in love with someone like you, we used to say she was setting herself up for a broken heart but she stuck to it even when things went a bit wobbly. Liam please always remember that she loved you and love Katie as much as she would"
"You might not believe it but I loved her, she was different to the rest she didn't want my money, she wasn't with me because of oasis, or because I was famous, she liked the guy underneath all that"
"Fucking hell Rkid that's something I never expected to hear you say" Noel laughed, Liam and Karen joined in.
Karen left and the doctor said Liam could stay the night, they had a room that he could stay in with Katie. Noel decided to go home and promised to drop some clean clothes off in the morning. Liam settled himself into the room and Katie was brought through. The doctor went through some information on the way he had to look after Katie and for him to call the nurses if he needed to take her out of the incubator. He was so tired he fell straight asleep.
The next morning Liam was woken by crying, at first he was confused but eventually realised it must be Katie, by then though she had stopped and Liam realised there was someone else in the room. He got out of bed faster than ever before
"Who's that? Don't touch her"
"Liam don't shout, I've just got her calmed down and if she's going to be anything like you that's going to be a rare thing"
Liam saw that it was his mam, she was rocking Katie in her arms.
"Noel called me last night, explained everything and flew me down really early this morning. It's well past saying you're an idiot, why weren't you careful etc. aww Liam I'm so sorry you've lost her, I know you'll be hurt but you have have this beautiful little girl to take care of, my first grandchild. I'm here to help, Noel suggested I come and stay at your place for a bit, so you have someone there. I understand you're moving her to a private hospital today, I think that's a good idea. The nurse said she was getting stronger every hour so hopefully she won't be in long"
"Thanks mam, thanks for not having a go at me etc I need your help, I've got no idea what to do and her parents have already said she'd be better off with them"
"Her parents will be grieving, Katie is a little bit of Kelly, she's all they have left so they will want to cling onto that, want to have her. I'm sure in time an arrangement can be made. I'm always here for you boys. Now you go home, get a shower, something to eat. I'll stay here with Katie"
Liam knew she was right so headed off.
Walking through his door felt so good, he dumped his bag and sat down. He remembered he had a therapy appointment tomorrow, he really should cancel it but he couldn't be bothered with the stress. After a shower, putting some clean clothes on and having a coffee he hunted round for alcohol and drugs, as he was doing that he was taking note of things he'd have to change before Katie came home. He found some a bottle of jack and some cans which he put in the fridge, then found some pills and coke, he dropped them on the table. When he went to retrieve the packet of cigarettes he always kept in his drawer in case of emergency he noticed some dope beside them, god if the police searched this place he'd be fucked. He jumped when the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Hi Liam it's Dr Thomas I'm just calling to remind you about your appointment tomorrow"
"I'm going to have to cancel, something has come up that I need to deal with"
"Liam avoiding appointments won't do you any good you need to work at this. A excuse of somethings come up is pointless it's the one that is often used by patients."
"For fuck sake it's not a made up excuse I actually have something important to deal with, I was intending to come but something happened that is important for me to deal with"
"Ok so tell me what's so important. Let me understand your priorities"
Liam was getting so angry, he didn't have time for this.
"Ok fine. I was on tour having fun, Kelly went into labour early, my little girl is in hospital in an incubator, underweight and stuff. Oh and Kelly died on the table. So now I'm a single dad with no idea what I'm doing. I only came home for a shower and some clothes then I'm going back to the hospital ok now can you fucking leave me alone"
Dr Thomas went silent, Liam guessed she didn't know what to say, so Liam spoke again.
"Look I'm going hang up now so I can get back to the hospital, I'll call when I get things a bit settled. I just need to focus on Katie right now"
"Ok Liam listen I'm worried, worried how this will impact your mental health so we need to talk as soon as possible. But yes I do understand, you need to be with your little girl. Speak soon"
Liam set out some lines, had all four of them and went to pack a bag, he went under the bed, a little while ago he'd picked up a teddy for Katie though he didn't know he was going to have a girl. The teddy was Man City blue with little black bits on the hands and feet, he dropped that in the bag. Before he left he swallowed some pills, dropped the rest in his pocket along with the rest of his coke. He took a taxi back to the hospital.
He walked into the room to find his mam sitting in the chair and Noel standing with Katie in his arms.
"They said she's doing really well, she's getting stronger, she's a determined little girl. I said she must have got that from you."
"Thanks mam, thanks for staying"
Noel decided to point something out.
"That's something you'll have to watch, how much she takes after you. You were a bit of a nightmare for mam, your energy, constant wanting attention, never staying still, just generally being a nuisance, causing trouble. Your going to need help. You won't cope without help."
Liam wasn't sure if Noel was being nasty or if he was just giving advice.
"She is beautiful. I knew mam would love her and stuff but I wasn't sure how I'd feel but holding he, looking at her I realised she's my blood, my niece, she's a Gallagher and I felt love for her."
Liam nearly fell over, he'd never heard Noel talk like that, he had other family who he loved but Liam never thought Noel would talk about his kids like that because of how they were with each other. Though Liam often couldn't figure Noel out. Liam placed the teddy on the shelf, told Katie it was hers and that it meant even if he wasn't there to keep her safe the teddy was there to keep her safe, that it meant her daddy was always watching over her.
The next day they moved Katie to a private hospital and after a few days they were told she would be able to go home the next day. Liam was terrified so as usual Noel took control of the arrangements. After they sorted everything the hospital advised they go home and get everything ready, it also gave Katie a chance to rest and the hospital to monitor her without any interference.
His mam was staying at Noel's tonight before coming to Liam's tomorrow so he was home alone. He looked around, noticing every change. He'd got a cot which for now he'd put in his room even though she was too young to be able to crawl around and find stuff he'd still moved the drugs and razor blades. In the kitchen he'd put the alcohol up high and locked the cupboards. His mam had brought a baby bath as Liam only had a shower and there was a box of everything else he would need in the living room, he picked it up, put it in the bedroom and closed the door. He didn't want to see any of it, he wanted to forget about it, pretend it wasn't real. He wanted to be on tour, to be at award shows, the after show parties, even interviews and tv appearances would do, he just wanted to be doing stuff with the band. He wanted non of this other shit. He went to the fridge and got some alcohol. Before he knew it there was five empty cans, lines of coke, pills and overflowing ashtrays. He thought maybe he should stop but didn't really want to, so he went and got another can. It wasn't long before the depression took over, his brain overthinking about the bad things, how this whole thing was going to end in disaster, how useless he was gonna be, how the only thing he was good at was being Liam Gallagher from oasis he was definitely good at that, this was gonna ruin his reputation, what if it ruined oasis. He'd messed everything up. He noticed he'd been using his arm as an ashtray again he really should stop doing it but he wasn't sure how. Hours passed, he kept drinking and every time he felt like he was coming down he topped himself up. When he decided to go get the razor blades he was still careful to cut in places no one would see.
He looked at the clock it was seven am Noel and his mam were coming to pick him up at nine and he hadn't done anything he was supposed to have done and he was drunk, high and there was blood on the settee. How the fuck was he supposed to do everything when he was in this state, well I've proved I'm not good enough to do this.
He began to tidy up. Cans in the bin, emptying the ashtray's, hiding the drugs, cleaning the settee. Then sorting out the cot and box, it wasn't perfect and he dropped most of it but it would do. He jumped in the shower, nearly fell about six times then as he was walking back to the bedroom he fell, he didn't know he was falling until he hit the floor, his arm had hit the corner of his glass table so now he had a huge cut down his arm. He wrapped it in the towel he'd been using to dry his hair, went and put some clothes on and checked it, he was gonna have to wrap it up properly which took him twice as long as normal. He began to sort out the broken table but there was a knock on the door, he opened it and went back to the table
"Bloody hell Liam what ya done?"
"I fell over coming out the shower, I'd got shampoo in my eye"
"You fucking idiot"
Noel obviously didn't care.
His mam stepped forward
"Give it here Liam I'll sort it out, you finish getting ready. Put a smart shirt on."
Liam did as he was told and by the time he came back the table was a cleared up.
"Noel brought a car seat, we're going in one of the bands cars. You need to keep the car seat obviously. Paul said he will call you tonight"
Noel had gone in the kitchen to put the kettle on, he opened the bin to drop the teabag in and noticed it was full of bottles and cans, he knew they were all from last night, part of him wanted to storm through and shout at Liam but their mam had asked Noel to try to be nice to Liam and not stress him out. He took the tea through and he wanted to make sure Liam knew he'd seen them so
"Liam the bin in there is full we should empty it before we go"
Liam knew what Noel was doing, making sure he knew that he'd seen the cans and bottles. Liam went to walk to the kitchen but he couldn't walk in a straight line, he was still drunk and since he'd been stopping for the odd line while he was tidying up he was definitely still high.
"Liam be careful, I know you're scared and nervous but don't be you'll be fine. Don't rush yourself you don't want to hurt yourself again"
"Sorry mam I'm just a bit on edge"
She headed off to the toilet
"Aye right more like you're drunk and high, for god sake bro what were you thinking"
"I wasn't, not really"
"Well fucking pull yourself together this isn't going to meet some journalist or a producer or something this is going to a hospital to pick up and bring home your little baby girl. She's only three weeks old, well just over two really I was rounding up"
"Well maybe you can help by getting me another cup of coffee and some paracetamol"
"I'll get you the coffee but I doubt that will help much, maybe tip some cold water over your head or something."
Noel came back with some more coffee just as their mam came back through.
"Right finish that drink because we should get going."
Liam finished his coffee, put the cup in the sink and followed Noel and his mam out, when he got in the car he noticed Dave was driving
"Morning Liam. Hope you're ok. Thought it be better if it was me taking you. So let's get going"
The traffic was light so it didn't take long to get there, Dave parked up, got the car seat out the boot and they headed up, as they got to the main floor Liam noticed Kelly's parents waiting by the doors to the ward.
"What you doing waiting here?"
"We wanted to see Katie but they said we hadn't been put on the list"
"List? What fucking list? I never said you couldn't I never said no one couldn't"
Liam was angry, this made him look bad, it didn't help his relationship with Kelly's parents
"Well come through, I've come to take her home but they'll be paperwork to do so plenty of time"
Liam let Noel punch the code in the door as he couldn't remember what it was.
They all went through and were met by a doctor who asked to talk before they went through to see Katie, this annoyed him.
"Why? What's wrong? And don't bullshit me"
Noel stepped in
"What my brother means is he's worried and can you explain in a simple way so everyone understands"
"I'm not fucking stupid I just don't see the point in going round the houses if it can be said in a few words"
Before the argument could escalate Peggy stepped in.
"Forgive my son this is a hard time for him. He lost his girlfriend when she gave birth, now he's a single father. He's got a lot to process. The whole family does."
The doctor explained that nothing was wrong he just wanted to go through some things Liam needed to know and see if he had any questions.
So Kelly's parents and Noel went through to be with Katie and Liam and Peggy stayed with the doctor. To Liam's horror the doctor pulled out a pile of paper, and began sorting it into piles.
"These are ones you need to sign, these are general things we tell all parents and these are things specific to premature babies and the extra care you will need to take with Katie."
Liam signed what he was asked and tried to take in everything the doctor was saying but was only really hearing the odd word, he hoped his mam was paying attention. Eventually he was given Katie and allowed to go, Kelly's parents walked them to the car, kissed Katie before Noel fitted her in her car seat and turned to Liam
"We will come and see her next week"
They walked off without looking back
"Stuck up bastards"
"Noel their not that bad. I just don't think they like me that much"
They settled in the car and began driving but it wasn't long before they were stuck in traffic, Liam and Noel turned their backs to the windows and shielded Katie from view.