A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

I Survived

Liam began to open his eyes, the lights made them sting. He wondered if he was dead, if he was why were his eyes stinging. He tried to focus to see where he was, heaven or hell. Really he should be in hell. Slowly his eyes adjusted enough and he could see a bright white light, maybe that was the gate to heaven and he was supposed to go towards it, why was he thinking about this, he didn't believe in all that shit. He felt his eyes close again, then he felt nothing, everything was black. He was gone.
Suddenly Liam flatlined.
"Get the resus kit now"
The nurse already had it, she'd moved the second she noticed his heart stop. Things were complicated, trying to restart his heart while trying to stop his arm's bleeding. He wasn't responding, they kept trying and eventually got a heartbeat.
"We have to do this right but fast or we'll lose him. Keep to your jobs"
The head surgeon was calm, he'd done this many times and trusted his team, they all knew what to do. They kept working taking care to not miss anything, just one miss step made the difference between life and death. Then Liam flatlined again and just as last time the nurse had the kit needed and they all knew what to do but this time it took them longer to get a heartbeat back, they knew not knowing what he had taken and how much was an issue and they didn't know how much of it they had managed to get out. Luckily the rest of the surgery went without any major problems. He was moved to recovery where the surgeon filled out the paperwork then taken up to a critical care room. The surgeon did what he always did when they had time, he got his team a coffee, little things meant a lot in this job.
Liam felt pain in his arms, pain in his head in fact pain in his whole body. He slowly opened his eyes and once they focused he could see the bright lights, he was in a hospital room. He had survived obviously even death didn't want him. He tried to move but his body hurt so much, he tried again but nothing was cooperating, he tried to speak but his throat hurt from the tubes. Looking down he realised that there was so many tubes, wires and bandages on his arms that even if he could get his arms to cooperate he wouldn't have been able to move them anyway. So he just lay there and looked at the ceiling. Eventually a nurse came in to check on him.
"Oh you're awake, that's good, definitely a positive sign. I'll go and get your doctor"
Liam tried to smile, then as much as he could he pointed to the water"
"Oh I'm sorry I'm not sure if you are allowed to drink yet but don't worry I'm going to get the doctor now so it should only be five or ten minutes"
She headed out the door. All Liam could think was they better hurry up the pain was awful and he wanted to speak, plus he still couldn't get up.
Thankfully within ten minutes the doctor was there and the first thing the nurse did was lift his head and let him take a few sips of water through a straw, it helped a bit. Two other nurses came in and helped sit him up a bit, the two left again leaving the other nurse to sort out the tubes and wires so Liam was a bit more comfortable.
"I'll get you another pillow so we can get you more comfortable after the doctor leaves"
"Liam I'm Dr Barns, your main doctor from now on. This is Dr Finn he was your surgeon he's here to explain what surgery you had, the initial treatment you were given and any issues that happened in those. I'm here to check you over, keep an eye on you and explain where we go from here."
Liam noticed how serious he sounded, how serious he looked. He got the feeling this guy was not going to be easy to deal with, that he wasn't the friendly sort. Liam took a drink of water luckily the nurse had placed it so he was able to get to it, so at least he could talk. As Dr Barns spoke first, Liam felt as if he was about to be told off and he expected him to be harsh
"Ok you were brought in by ambulance after your girlfriend found you in your flat unconscious, bleeding and empty medication packets and drugs paraphernalia all around you. She knew you had tried to kill your self she rang the ambulance in a panic and to be honest if she hadn't have found you when she did you would be dead, her and her friend have been in the waiting room ever since, she hasn't stopped crying, she had a panic attack at one point a nurse had to sit with her to calm her down as in her condition it was dangerous for her to be in that state. Now back to you. We had to rush you to surgery Dr Finn will explain all that in a moment. You are now on a critical care ward for two main reasons, one you need to be monitored as the surgery you had was complicated and quite serious, two I believe you are still a danger to yourself, I suspect you will try to hurt yourself again also in a way you are a danger to others in terms of what you put your girlfriend through we couldn't tell her anything which was hard on her luckily they rang Dave so information could be passed on, but I feel you could cause her to miscarry. You also have a temper so you could take things out on other people. Therefore I am going to commit you this will mean you get therapy as I know you've been dodging it when it has been on a voluntary basis. So you will stay here to be monitored for a few days in which time you can see family and friends then you'll be moved to a mental health facility once there I am banning visitors and phone calls."
Liam could not believe what he was hearing, he was starting to get angry, no way was he going to the loony bin.
"Right I'm not gonna deny I tried to kill myself I was depressed and stressed but like fuck am I going to the loony bin, I'm not fucking crazy, I'm not a nut case, so you can piss right off with that. As for how I treated Kelly it's pretty normal for people to get upset when someone is in hospital, everyone worries you're a doctor you should know that, prick. And you have no fucking right to talk to me like that, there's no need to be a cunt, telling me what I've got to do, organising my life and making me do what you want I get enough of that off my brother, mr high and mighty. So after I get the all clear from this ward I'm going home, end of. Plus I've got band shit to do and a tour coming up"
Dr Barns hadn't flinched at all during Liam's rant, that annoyed him he usually got a reaction. He got some water he was losing his voice again and his throat was killing him.
"I'll leave Dr Finn to explain the surgery, I'll go fill in your paperwork and get Dave, Kelly and her friend so they can come and see you"
He walked out so calmly it was like he'd just ignored everything Liam had said. Dr Finn pulled up a chair, picked up the water jug and refilled Liam's glass, making sure he could reach it.
"Hi Liam don't worry about Dr Barns he will have taken in everything you said it's just he's so used to dealing with patients in your situation, he's so used to being shouted at that he can just stay calm when it happens, it's years of experience. He's the best mental health Dr we have I work with him a lot"
"He's a prick, he doesn't seem to care about people like he just comes out with stuff, tells you if he thinks you've upset someone it's like he's telling you that you're a cunt. Doesn't give you a choice just decides to ship you off to the nut house"
"Trust me he cares and is trying to help you. Anyway now let's talk about you and the surgery you had. When you were brought in you had lots of cuts on your arms, the depth of them varied, the ones to your wrists were the worst. So obviously the priority was to stem the bleeding and see which ones needed stitches but due to the fact you had also overdosed on god knows what and the amount of each you had taken but since we didn't know when you had taken them we had no idea if pumping your stomach would make a difference plus should we really do that when you were bleeding so badly. The overdose worried us because we didn't know if it would interact with the medication needed for the surgery, anyway we did the best we could with a drip and one induced vomiting when you were first put on the table. We stitched you up as best as possible a few places your skin had to be trimmed, you damaged some nerves and muscles so you will need physio and we had to give you blood as you lost a lot, your heart stopped twice on the table and apparently once in the ambulance. To be honest Liam you are so lucky if you were found any later and I mean even ten, fifteen minutes later you would be dead"
Well Liam thought that was quite intense, he had basically died three times, the damage he'd done worried him incase it would affect his performance on stage then there was the thought that he had kinda got what he wanted he'd died not that he could remember it obviously there was nothing after you die the afterlife didn't exist unless he missed seeing it cos they brought him back so quick. Right now although he felt awful he was glad he wasn't dead.
"Sounds complicated. Thank you for what you did you know saving me and stuff"
"It's ok I'm glad you kept fighting and you pulled through. Me and my team did our bit and you did your bit. I often say the patient deciding they want to live helps me with my job. Promise me you'll remember that you fought your way back three times that's how much you wanted to live"
Dr Finn smiled, he had given Liam a new way to think about things, about the situation.
"Bye now Liam I'll check in on you before you leave"
With that he left leaving Liam alone with his thoughts.
Dr Barns walked into the small waiting room there was quite a few people so it took him a while to spot Dave and Kelly, who was still crying on her friend's shoulder. Dave looked blank, as if he'd been here before, he walked over to them.
"Hello I'm Dr Barns Liam's doctor. He is up in a room on the critical care ward, he is awake and has had a few things explained to him, obviously he's angry. Anyway you can come up and see him now"
Dave stood up and looked straight at him.
"What have you told him?"
"I gave a little explanation of his injuries and surgery but Dr Finn his surgeon is telling him more now. I explained that I planned to commit him, explained he was a danger to himself and others, I told him due to voluntary therapy not being engaged with I believe involuntary therapy is the only way to go. I explained visitors and phone calls would not be allowed. Obviously he's angry and refusing to go to the mental health facility but in the end he has no choice"
"Jesus Christ no wonder he's angry, you should have left it a bit instead of telling him as soon as he woke up. He's going to be up a height, to be honest I think angry is an understatement. He's not going to cooperate with anything now"
Dave sighed he was gonna have to deal with Liam's anger once he got upstairs. Karen helped Kelly up, Kelly nervously spoke through her tears, she sounded scared.
"Do you have to commit him? Maybe forced therapy without commitment would work? He isn't a danger to anyone else except maybe his brother but that's normal but aside from that he wouldn't hurt anyone, he doesn't randomly attack people, he just wouldn't hurt a fly. Ok yes there would be a chance he could hurt himself but someone could stay with him and he's unlikely to do it on tour, he's happy on tour and Dave watches him"
They could all tell Kelly was pleading with the doctor, begging him not to commit him. Dave could tell the doctor wasn't gonna change his mind, Liam was getting committed regardless.
They walked to the lift and the doctor pressed the button, he also had to swipe his card as the floor was restricted. Getting to the ward the doctor took them to Liam's room.
"Here you go, I don't want you to stay for too long he needs rest and I need to speak to him again about his treatment plan"
With that he walked away, Dave had already decided he didn't like him he didn't seem to care in the same way other doctors do Liam would definitely hate him, he wasn't gonna listen to him and Dave could see arguments coming.
They looked through the door Liam was just lying staring at the ceiling, he looked awful, covered in bandages, so many tubes and wires. They watched as he tried to get a drink, not able to lift the glass so leaning in to drink through the straw, they had never seen him looking so weak.
They walked in slowly, Dave went over first
"Hey Liam, how you feeling? Do you want me to fill your water?"
"How the fuck do you think I am, I'm pissed off. Sorry I didn't mean to snap, aye if you don't mind I can't really do it myself and my throat is a mess I think they fucked up with the tubes"
Dave filled up the glass, pulled three chairs up, sat the closest to him, then Kelly and Karen sat.
"I'm sure it was just because it was an emergency. You really did it this time doubling up on things. You nearly succeeded your heart stopped three times"
"I know, I know please can we just leave all that for now"
Liam looked at Kelly he didn't know if he should feel guilty, if he should apologise or to think about his feelings not hers, to blame her for setting the whole thing off, but he knew he had hurt her.
"Everyone come to have a good laugh eh. I take it you're Karen I'm pretty sure you didn't exactly like me before all this so pretty sure you hate me now bet you'll enjoy telling Kelly I'm a prick and she should just run for the fucking hills"
Karen really couldn't believe what she was hearing, he was pretty much confirming he was a complete dick that he was the idiot she had read about.
"Look for your information I drove Kelly to your place when she thought something was up, we both found you and got you here, I've sat in the waiting room the whole time looking after her, I phoned Dave, so I've tried to help in anyway I could I could have told her to just leave you here but I didn't"
"You've got a bit of a attitude bet you would have loved to leave me on the floor of my living room, that says a lot about you. Don't pretend you did anything for me, you did it for Kelly who you obviously care about. What you don't realise is I care about her too and I'm not a dick to her, I try to do things right but I'm not perfect, nobody is perfect."
They sat in silence for a while no one quite sure what to say.
"Liam I'm worried, what set you off? I don't quite know what happened it was strange I was just sitting there and I just felt like something was wrong with you, I was worried about you for some reason I knew I needed to check you were ok. Then finding you like that I thought you were dead. I couldn't understand what had happened. I couldn't stop crying since we got here, I didn't know what was going on"
"I can't really explain it, it was just everything. The realisation that I was useless for most things, that oasis put me in this bubble where I had no responsibility and could do what I want. I started to think of normal things that people do and that I don't like I don't pay my own bills, I don't know what they are, how much they cost, other people do my food and household shopping, I don't know how much chips cost, how much floor cleaner costs. I decide what clothes I want and I just get them etc. my main expense I know a bit about are drugs, cigarettes and alcohol but even they just appear when I want them unless I nip to the shop myself, even at pubs and clubs I buy my first few drinks and the rest are free. Maybe my management pay for things behind my back and don't tell me, who knows. At the end of the day it shows I'm shit at being an adult, shit at looking after myself, unable to keep up a house, I'm irresponsible and I don't care."
Dave looked at him, this was the perfect opportunity to see if Liam would tell him about the situation with Kelly
"Liam why does any of that matter so much, you don't need to know about bills and shopping, you have enough money to pay them so what's the point of you bothering with it when someone else can do it, you can afford the clothes you want nothing to stop you getting them it's your money look just live in the bubble, no reason not too. You got what you always wanted, to be in a successful band, your rich, you got out of the hole in Manchester and took over the music industry, are popular all over the world so enjoy it all you need to do is turn up and sing, do a few interviews. Enjoy it"
Hopefully that would kick Liam into saying something as long as Kelly didn't talk first unfortunately she did
"Part of why I love is that you don't care, you don't care about what the press write about you or what reporters say, you don't apologise you just be yourself, your honest, upfront and say what you think I find that pretty amazing, you're not embarrassed that your rich you tell people you wanted to be rich, you boast that oasis are the best band in the world. You don't go in for talking bullshit and pretend to be all we wanted to play music but didn't want all the other stuff. Your honesty is part of why I love you. You can learn the other stuff if you want too, people will teach you"
Dave crossed his fingers hoping Liam would be honest about the situation. Liam looked at them all he was lost and so confused what did people want him to be, what did people want him to do. Even though Kelly had said those things the likelihood she'd want him to be around a baby was pretty much nil and what was Dave on about he was usually trying to get Liam to be an adult, to learn to look after himself and to cut down on drink and drugs.
"God I don't fucking get you two. Dave your saying the opposite of what you normally say and Kelly your talking about it as if you want a absolute prick around"
Again silence descend, no one wanting to say anything no one knowing what to say. Until Karen punctured the silence forcefully.
"Look for fuck sake can we talk about the elephant in the room, the thing that actually tipped you over the edge, the real reason you're thinking about all the normal stuff you don't usually give a shit about, and maybe what you wanted to get away from, run from, forget about and maybe the thing that has you shit scared"
She had raised her voice enough that a nurse looked through the door. She wasn't giving up Kelly deserved to know what Liam was thinking because if it came to it then it was best to walk away now instead of going through the stress of him being in hospital then having to walk away would be even harder. Dave realised now was the time to just ask Liam outright and see if he told the truth, Karen had given him the perfect opportunity, it was now or never.
"Liam what's she talking about? Has something in particular happened? If it's something specific that we can deal with then if I deal with it we might be able to use it to persuade the doctor not to commit you."
Liam suddenly felt terrified, he knew he had to answer or Kelly probably would and if nether of them did then Karen definitely would. If he lied it would hurt Kelly and Karen would just say it, if he told the truth how would he say it, what would Dave say and do. Maybe the best option was to just be the normal Liam just come out with it, straight to the point and direct. He took a deep breath, a drink of water and steadied himself.
"Kelly's pregnant"
"Now why did we have to go around the houses for you to tell me that, Jesus Liam if you had of just said it earlier we could have had a productive conversation. Now I don't know how long we've got before that doctor comes and kicks us out and yes I did already know it came out when Kelly was getting herself in a state cos Karen was worried about her becoming ill and how it would affect the baby plus it was mentioned when a doctor was asking about possible triggers. Now why you just couldn't be honest with me I don't know, you usually are honest with me"
"Well if you knew why didn't you say something? Why make me say it? Your just playing games, fucking with my head, making me look fucking stupid"
"I wanted you to be honest, I wanted you to say it so it might help you process it. I know you're not stupid and I'm not playing games with you"
Dave made sure he sounded calm he didn't want to risk Liam getting too angry. They needed to deal with it, he didn't know how but they had too. First he wanted to know Liam and Kelly's thoughts before he involved anyone else, he wanted them to make some decisions, to make a choice because once Liam's management, the record company and the PR company got involved the decision and the choice would be taken away from them.
"You and Kelly need to talk about this, try to decide what you want to do, be honest, don't lie to each other and then talk to me about it before telling anyone else because once Liam's management, record company, PR people get involved they will take over everything, what you want won't matter, all decisions will be theirs not yours and at the end of the day they will be thinking of the band, your image, the band matter not your feelings, they will do everything they can to protect the band and they won't care what personal things they destroy in the process"
Both Liam and Kelly knew he was right and they would have to take that into account when they were deciding what to do. It was all so complicated, so confusing. Kelly was scared Liam would be forced to do what they wanted, Liam was scared Kelly wouldn't give him a choice, it would be a point blank fuck off. They had to talk.
The door opened and Dr Barns walked in, he looked pissed off.
"You have to leave now, you've been here longer than I wanted, a nurse should have told you to leave hours ago. You can come back tomorrow but only for a couple of hours as I want Liam to talk to the psychiatrist tomorrow, Liam needs a treatment plan, Liam needs to know what's going to happen with him being committed. Liam has to be left alone when he's at the mental health facility, there are rules that you must follow and I will make you follow them.
"I'm here you know, you're talking like I'm not, talk to me too, acknowledge me and don't treat me like I'm stupid"
Liam was angry he deserved to be addressed too what was wrong with saying you. Dave looked at the others then at Liam
"Sorry Liam I guess we've got our marching orders. I'd argue but I can tell it wouldn't work"
Dave really didn't like Dr Barns, he wondered if he could demand that Liam could see another doctor, he had enough money to pay to see another doctor he knew Liam wouldn't work with him, he would either get angry or break down.
Kelly was terrified this doctor would be awful about her, tell him she didn't understand his life, his career, his lifestyle, the implications, affect, and his fame would impact their relationship, but what could she do. The three of them stood up, Karen put the chairs away while Dave put his coat on, Kelly walked over took Liam's hand, leaned in and kissed him. What was just meant to be a quick kiss goodbye turned into a longer more meaningful kiss, they looked into each other's eyes blocking out everything else
"I love you"
"I love you too"
When Kelly looked up she noticed the look on Dr Barns face.
"I'll take you downstairs. I'll be back to see you soon Liam"
Once they left the room Dr Barns spoke to them.
"Don't mess with his head Kelly, make a decision and stick to it, you either all in or out so make your choice and do it before he is moved to the mental health facility, he can't have any distractions. I know what my advice would be especially in your current situation, I think you should be out, think of yourself, the child and the life you want, he's never going to be able to give you what you and the child need, I'm sure Karen will agree with me. Dave you need to work out how he will be able to function in the band, how he will be able to function in everyday life and most importantly what is his relationship with his brother going to be. You need to see if you can keep him in line, he's only getting one chance at this I'm not gonna give him another one"
Dave really didn't like this guy, he sees himself as the boss, the only view was his view, the only way was his way, no thought about other people's views or opinions. He knew Liam was gonna hate the guy, he hated being bossed around that was one of the main problems between him and Noel. Karen was slightly pissed off that he assumed she would agree with him, yes her advice would be to leave him but this guy has no idea what she was thinking, knew nothing about their friendship, she agreed with Dave this guy was a prick. Kelly wanted to cry she wasn't trying to mess with Liam's head, she loved him. They needed to talk to each other before any decisions were made, she wasn't going to make any decisions without him. Yes it would be hard but it was the best way.
Dr Barns left them downstairs Kelly and Karen headed there way and Dave headed home.