A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Back To It, For Now.

Liam woke up with a headache, he walked over to get some water and noticed something on the floor bending down he saw one of Katie's toys, a special little plastic type thing you could let her put in her mouth. It must've been in one of his pockets, it made him suddenly remember he'd told Karen to ring him, he quickly phoned reception.
"Hi, this Liam Gallagher, room three two five. I was wondering if anyone phoned for me or left a message?"
"Ah yes a woman phoned twice, we put it through but you didn't answer the phone, so when she rang a third time she left a message, I'll just find it for you give me a moment"
Liam began to panic about what she said in the message, was it obvious what she was talking about, had she dropped him in it, the wait was beginning to feel like an age.
"Yes Mr Gallagher I've got it, I'll just read it to you 'she's ok, asleep now, been very well behaved. You've trained her well. I'll drop her back tomorrow. Karen' dog sitter eh, it's good to have one you know especially if you worry about your dog. Bet you're looking forward to seeing her again"
Obviously Karen had added the bit about training so it sounded like she was talking about a dog, good thinking on her behalf.
"I've only just got her so it's good to have a friend looking after her, I wouldn't trust a stranger"
That was basically true. He said thanks, put the phone down and checked the time it was eleven thirty so if he had a shower, something to eat, sorted out his stuff and had a few drinks he could be home for two and get Karen to drop Katie off at three. He picked up the phone to call her.
"Hello"
"Hi Karen it's just Liam. How's the little one doing?"
"Hi Liam she's fine, we're just getting ready to go for a walk in the park"
"Ah cool. I should be home for about two, so you can drop her off at three, it still gives you loadsa time to go to the park"
"Ok, that's fine. I called you last night, three times. They said you were in your room but you didn't answer the call, what were you doing? I ended up just leaving a message"
"I got your message, this morning. Thanks for that. I fell asleep, I was just really tired, sometimes the phone doesn't wake me up"
"No what I'm guessing is either the hotel were covering up that you were at a party, you passed out drunk or you were too busy shagging some girl to be bothered to answer it"
"Don't start on me. Yes I'd had a drink, a few drinks but I did fall asleep. I haven't been getting much sleep lately for obvious reasons and I don't function well on very little sleep, so I obviously needed to sleep. I didn't go to a party I had a few drinks in the hotel, had a argument then conversation with Noel, poured a drink, drank half of it and fell asleep. Though I don't see why I've gotta defend myself to you, what business of yours what I did last night"
"I'm asking so I know if you're in a fit state to look after Katie before I hand her back to you"
"Fucking hell, if you refuse I'll call the police and tell them you kidnapped her"
"Stop being so fucking dramatic"
"Of course I can look after her, I'm her dad you have no right to refuse to give her to me, mind if you keep this up you won't be seeing her anymore"
"Ok fine. I'm sorry. I'll bring her back at three, just make sure you're back by then"
"Ok. See you then"
Liam slammed the phone down.
God would no one just give me a fucking break, he was getting so pissed off, no one would just give him a chance. He poured a drink and got ready to go in the shower. Standing there in the shower his head started to spin, he couldn't see properly, he couldn't steady himself enough to get out of the shower so tried just leaning against the wall hoping it would pass, it didn't and he passed out.
"Liam, Liam wake up. Are you ok? What happened?
Liam opened his eyes to see Maggie standing over him.
"Maggie?"
"Hey you. You had me worried"
"How did you? I mean how did you get in? How did you know what happened?"
"The hotel let me in. I didn't know what happened, I'm in the room next door, you're bathroom is on the joining wall. I was sitting reading and I heard this massive bang, I knocked, you didn't answer so I got them to let me in. I found you here, on the floor"
"How long have I been out?"
"I'm not sure, it's gotta be around ten minutes cos by the time I got the key to get in and I've been sitting here for a couple of minutes"
Liam realised he was still lying on the floor so he tried to sit up
"Careful, careful. Let me help"
Maggie helped him up, it wasn't comfortable on the bathroom floor but he got himself up anyway. He looked down to see Maggie had put a towel over him to give him a bit of dignity.
He heard a knock on the door
"Who's that? You didn't call Noel? I'm fine"
"No I didn't call Noel I called a paramedic car so they can check you over, they won't take you to hospital unless they think it's serious. Thing is you need to be honest with them, truthfully answer their questions. Remember anything you say is protected by confidentiality"
Maggie went to let them in.
Maggie opened the door to two paramedics, one guy and one girl, which would probably be better in getting Liam to talk.
As they walked in the bathroom Liam tried to make himself look less helpless
"I'm fine, really I'm fine. I just need to pull myself together and I'll get up"
"We're just here to check you over, make sure it's nothing serious. We'll get you up, ask you some questions and do a couple of tests"
"Ok but you know"
Liam sorta pointed his eyes down to the towel"
"Don't worry we'll let your friend help you into some underpants or shorts first"
Maggie had picked up a pair of his boxers and helped him into them before calling the paramedics through to pick him up, they sat him on the bed. It turned out the guy was a doctor and the girl a paramedic so they could do more tests here.
"Right a couple of questions first. How much did you have to drink last night?"
"A few pints, I was definitely drunk but it definitely less than I normally would."
"Drugs?"
"A few lines but again not as much as usual"
"Did you feel like you normally do when you've had a drink and drugs?"
"No it was different, the way my vision went, how my head felt plus I'd been fine when I woke up"
"How's your eating been?"
"Em it's a when I get a chance, what's there and where I am type thing. Hotels are good, tour we get took to restaurants but when I'm at home it's dodgy cos it depends on if I have time, if I've been shopping or if I can be bothered. Yesterday I had toast in the morning, pizza on night time, I was planning on getting something after my shower"
"Right it could just be not enough food has made you a bit lightheaded. How's your sleep?"
Liam laughed
"Pretty shit, couple hours at a time most nights, sometimes a full night. On tour fucked up to shit parties some nights, drunk passing out, depends how comfy the tour bus is and sometimes we behave and sleep properly"
"Not eating properly and bad sleep will not help, it could be exhaustion. Maybe sleeping and eating properly when your at home would help make sure this won't happen again"
Liam looked down, here it was the time to be honest.
"Well that's the problem I don't have a chance to do that at home, I have a baby at home. So between the band and that I have no time"
"You need to find a way, get someone to babysit a couple of nights a week. You can't look after a baby if you're ill, you can't preform if you're ill"
Liam sighed he knew he was right.
The doctor did some onsite tests and told Liam to get some sleep, eat properly and slow down. He was ordered to rest for the next couple of days.
After they left, Liam put some clothes on and sat there.
"Liam you scared me, you need to look after yourself. Tell you what I'll stay at yours for the next couple of days, so I can help you and you can get some rest"
"I can't ask you to do that"
"It's fine, I don't mind. You need to rest"
"What about your boyfriend?"
"He's away for the week, so I'd just be on my own anyway"
"Ah it's an excuse not to be alone"
He laughed.
Maggie helped him get sorted and called a taxi, the traffic was awful so it was taking ages to get to Liam's. He was late, it was three twenty, Karen was going to kill him. Eventually they arrived at half past. Liam opened the door to find Karen sitting on the settee.
"Where have you been? I told you to be on time. Good job you gave me a key or we would've been waiting on the doorstep. It says a lot that you can't even be on time for your daughter. You need to buck your ideas up. You're just...."
Maggie cut her off, she couldn't stand her talking to Liam like that
"Hey! Don't speak to him like that, you don't know why he's late, you didn't give him a chance to even say anything, he walks in and you start fucking shouting at him. Decent people accept people may be late, it happens"
Karen looked at Maggie but knew she wasn't gonna win an argument with her so didn't bite back, instead she turned to Liam
"All her stuff is in the bag, she's asleep in her baby basket, you'd locked your bedroom door so I couldn't put her in her cot"
"I always lock my door, I'm getting into the habit for when she starts crawling. Obviously by then I'll have her in her own room. Did she behave?"
"Yes she did the one time I couldn't get her to settle I gave her your hoodie and that worked"
"Aye I thought I'd put one in just incase"
Karen wasn't too happy leaving Katie but she had to so she said her goodbyes and left.
"God, she's a bit of a bitch"
"She's Kelly's best friend, I can't really cut her out do you know what I mean, Kelly would want her involved. Thing is she's never liked me, thought I treated Kelly badly, which I guess I did but you know. It's a shitty balancing act, I've gotta talk to people I don't like which I fucking hate an to be honest I'd love to tell them to fuck off but I need babysitters so I can't"
"I get it but you're gonna snap one day and tell them all to just piss off. It won't do you any good, especially with your issues"
Liam went and got them both a beer, picked Katie up and sat down
"Daddy's back, no more nasty Karen. Auntie Maggie's here to see you, nice auntie Maggie"
Maggie laughed and playfully punched his arm
"What are you like"
"Oh I nearly forgot Noel's coming over tomorrow, he's gonna ring me first so maybe when he does you can go out for the day, I'll give you some money I just don't want it to look like I'm not trying, that I'm not doing stuff myself"
"Ok I don't mind that I can meet a friend but you still need to take care of yourself, rest, take it easy. Try not to get into a big fight with him"
"I promise"
Liam really didn't know how the day would go, him and Noel rarely spent time together outside the band, it would be strange, what would they talk about, it's not like they could tell each other how their jobs were going they were in the same band. Noel had his cool neighbours, his celebrity filled parties and Liam had nappy changes, feeding times etc hardly fun stuff.
"There is one thing I wanna run by you. Kelly's mam wants to look after Katie while I'm on tour but I wanna take her up to me mam in Manchester, I'd feel better if she was in Manchester with mam, I feel like it would be safer if you know what I mean"
"Liam it's your choice who looks after her, no one else's, if you wanna take her to Manchester do it nobody can stop you"
"I think I'll do that then, I guess it is up to me so fuck anyone who argues"
They spent the rest of the day talking, watching tv and seeing to Katie, Liam decided to go to bed early. He fell asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He forgot to set the alarm.
Maggie was woken up by Katie crying she looked at the clock, it was seven am. They'd moved the cot into the spare room so Liam could get some sleep. She picked Katie up, it was food time. Maggie had learned the different crying sounds, she had one for food, one for nappy change and one for when she wanted Liam. She got up, made a bottle and sat on the settee. She was worried about Liam, she knew he'd go crazy on tour, it was bound to hit the papers. She also needed to get him back on track in dealing with his mental health he'd had a few blips but he just wrote it off, unless he dealt with it things could go very wrong. He was using Katie as an excuse but in reality the issues were the same as before just now he had something to blame but really it was just something to add on top, something which made his original issues worse. Today was also a worry he never spent time with Noel outside the band unless they were at their mum's for Christmas, birthdays or some other special occasion, even at parties they only hung out for a short time. Now they planned to spend a whole day together, with Katie. Would Noel have the patience to deal with her, would Liam be more likely to snap because Noel was there, how long would it take for them to start arguing. Though she could be wrong and it could go great, Katie might bring them closer together, might stop them from arguing, might make them talk to each other sensibly, fingers crossed.
Katie had started dozing again so Maggie took the opportunity to build the baby chair that Noel and Meg had bought, it was one of those that you could bounce and had a removable bit you could hang toys and things from, it was better than the basket it meant she could sit and watch things going on around her. After she'd finished she brought Katie through changed her nappy, put on some of the clothes Noel had got her and sat her in the chair, she looked at the clock it was ten past nine, so decided to put the kettle on and wake Liam so he had time to get ready.
Liam could hear a voice, he wasn't sure if it was part of a dream but slowly he began to wake up and realised it was real
"Liam, Liam, come on it's time to get up"
He turned over and hid his head under his pillow
"Come on. Get up, you've gotta get sorted, Noel's coming round remember"
He just wanted it to stop, he wanted to stay in bed, he wanted to stay right where he was. He didn't want to face Noel, not today, he was tired, depressed and couldn't be bothered.
"Liam! Get up!"
"I'm fucking coming, give me a fucking chance"
He sat up, lit a cigarette and stared at the floor. God why did he say Noel could come over, he really didn't have the energy for it and they would only end up fighting anyway. He pulled on a t shirt and went through to the living room. Maggie had tidied up and got Katie dressed and settled. Liam sat down and she came through with coffee.
"I've sorted out a bit, made up some bottles, settled her into her seat and loaded the washer ready for it to be put on. So all we need to do now is get you sorted and move her cot back into your room, good job it isn't that heavy"
She laughed
Liam had a headache and no energy, he sat quietly drinking his coffee, he knew he'd have a short fuze today and he knew Noel would wind him up. Today was gonna be so much fun.
They moved the cot, Liam had a quick shower and he threw some tracksuit bottoms and a t shirt on. Just as he sat down the phone rang.
"What?"
"I'll be over in half an hour, put the kettle on ready."
"Right see you then"
Short and straight to the point, pretty normal really.
"Noel be here in thirty"
Maggie came out from the kitchen
"Cool I'll head off now, see ya tonight though, I'll ring from my mates at about eight. The washer's on, the kettle's full so you should be fine"
She grabbed her coat and headed to the door
"Thanks, I do appreciate this. I'll see ya tonight. Wish me luck"
"Good luck"
The door banged shut behind her.
Liam sat in silence for a bit, his mind going crazy, he decided to play with Katie to take his mind off things. He'd only been sitting on the floor for two minutes when Noel knocked
"Rkid, you ok?"
"Aye. Traffic was a bit of a bastard"
Noel walked in and looked around. Liam knew he was judging how the flat was.
"Tidy, unusual for you. You'll have to get socket covers and stuff for when she starts crawling around and stuff"
"I know, I'm gonna sort stuff like that soon. Want coffee or tea?"
"Coffee"
Liam wondered into the kitchen. Noel went and took Katie out of her chair and sat on the settee with her.
"Hey you, uncle Noel's gonna spend all day with you and your daddy. Hope you're being good for him, he's just learning. He'll give you the world"
Noel knew Liam would do anything for her, he'd never let anyone hurt her. From the look of the flat he was definitely trying, there was teddies, toys and books, Liam must be reading to her already which will help with her language etc Liam used to like reading when he was young but their dad used to throw their books away and once he hit secondary school he got bored and stopped, hopefully Liam would encourage her to learn and do well at school. Noel was also hoping he was managing with the practical stuff, he couldn't imagine Liam changing nappies. He was concerned about Liam's mental state after what Liam had told him but Noel didn't know how to deal with that and their mam didn't deserve all that stress. Katie started to fuss, Noel felt something on his hand he looked down, she was holding his finger. Noel smiled.
Liam came through with the coffee, put it on the table.
"She's due to be fed soon, you wanna give it a go? I'll show you how"
Liam took her hand and spoke to her
"You want uncle Noel to feed you eh"
"Liam I don't know what to do, I might mess it up. What if she don't like me doing it"
"I'll show you how and if she doesn't seem happy with you doing it I'll take over"
Noel was slightly scared she was so small what if he hurt her, though he would have to learn if he was gonna have to look after her sometime, he wanted to she was his niece after all.
"Ok I'll give it a try. I guess if I'm gonna help you, look after her sometimes I need to know how to do it."
"Ok. Drink your coffee and we'll sort it out. She'll probably start crying for food soon. She's loud, she definitely takes after me in that"
Noel laughed, passed Katie to Liam and started to drink his coffee.
So far so good Liam thought but it was only the start of the day. Maybe he could try to get Noel to change her nappy later, that would be funny.
He knew Noel would be watching him closely, checking he was doing things right but what did Noel know really, he didn't have kids, didn't look after kids so really what did Noel know. Hopefully he was here to help, he was here to spend time with them, wanted to see what Liam was dealing with and learn how to look after her.
Suddenly his thoughts were interrupted by Katie crying.
"Hey hey sweetheart, calm down, we'll sort you out. Noel can you get her while I get her bottle"
Liam went and grabbed her bottle and a little towel. He showed Noel what to do and passed her to Noel. He managed fine and Katie seemed happy enough.
"Did I do ok?"
"Of course you did, she took her bottle and she seemed happy enough. You're family she knows that, she can feel it. In someways I think she knows you're her uncle, that you're my brother and she's safe with you"
For a while they sat in silence while Noel just held Katie.
"So have you got any ideas what to do today? I know we can't really go out"
"I thought I could make dinner, we could do some stuff with Katie like reading to her, play with her as much as is possible due to her age, maybe you could help me decide on how to decorate, organise her room and stuff"
"Aye sounds good and maybe you can tell me how I can help you"
Liam began to talk to Katie, he liked talking to her.
"So sweetheart how does that sound, a nice quiet day. Hopefully we won't fucking argue, I don't like the idea of you seeing us being bastards, don't want you growing up around people who just fucking argue"
"Liam stop swearing you don't want her first word to be fuck, bastard or something like that"
"Didn't take you long to find something to pick at"
"I'm not picking I'm just saying that's all"
Noel realised this was gonna be a hard balancing act, it was a thin line between what was seen as help and advice and what was seen as criticism and a put down. Getting the good comment, bad comment thing was going to be hard.
"Sorry I'm just used to you picking at everything I do. So you know"
Liam wasn't sure what Noel really meant
"She's growing fast Maggie reckons she'll be able to sit up soon, keep herself sitting up and not long till she might at least try to crawl but I don't really know about timelines in relation to things like that or how I would even know or tell what she's ready or able to do. I'll have to ask mam"
"Probably be a good idea, she'll know. They say sometimes it's like in the genes or something so she'll know what all of us were like and maybe you could ask Kelly's mam cos she'll know what she was like"
"I'm not fucking asking her till I've spoke to mam. I want to at least know what I'm talking about cos I don't want her thinking I'm stupid, that I don't have a fucking clue what I'm doing. I don't wanna give them any ammunition"
"Good point. Katie's a Gallagher, she's staying one. She's staying with our family. They can see her but they can't take her"
Noel was behind Liam a hundred percent in not letting Kelly's family take her, in not letting them kick Liam out of her life. He knew that deep down Liam knew if the only way to keep her was to hand her to Noel he'd do it. Plus Noel was pretty sure Kelly would want her to stay with Liam and see her family. The only issue Noel could see in relation to things would be if Liam began to think she'd be better off without him, if he got so down he decided the best thing was to hand her over, that her life would somehow be better. If he did then in reality no one could stop him it was his choice and his unstable personality and mental health issues would be the cause but in order to have someone else involved in decisions they would have to declare his issues which brought them right back to Katie being handed to someone else, Noel really needed to speak to Liam's therapist but even that would be difficult and complicated.
"So what books we got"
Noel went over to the bookshelf
"Lots of boys books here, oh and here's the girls ones I picked up. You've got a nice selection like"
"I got mam to bring me old Mr Men books down, there in the box over there"
Noel looked around and saw the box with Liam's books written across it, he recognised their mam's handwriting. Noel opened it and skipped through what was there, most were perfect for her so add those to the stuff on the shelf and it was a great selection to start with. Liam put Katie down for a nap.
"Noel can I ask you something?"
"Aye"
"When we go on tour I want to take Katie up to Manchester so mam could look after her. Kelly's mam wanted it to be half her and half mam but I would feel better if it was just mam, obviously in the future I might feel fine about it being half and half but at the moment I don't feel comfortable with it, I just want it to be mam. Is that nasty? Am I being unreasonable? Or anything"
"Nah, it's your choice, nobody can stop you and if you feel more comfortable with that then do it"
Noel was right it was his choice, no one could stop him.
"Right. Let's see what you think of my idea's for her bedroom"
Liam got some notebooks and files out, he'd been jotting down ideas and collecting paint colours and sorting them out when he couldn't sleep.
"I've got some ideas In these files and notebooks"
Liam set them out on the table
"That one's colour and wallpaper ideas, this one's pictures and stuff like that, this one's furniture and this one's toys"
"God you've been busy. Good idea to research though"
"Aye I've just been picking things up and sorting it all out when I can't sleep"
"You need to sleep Liam, you've gotta look after yourself too"
Noel picked up one of the books and started to look through it
"Right, let's start having a look through these then"
Noel began to flit through, he pointed out a nice purple paint that would look nice with her pink cot and some pink curtains, he suggested looking into getting drawers, a wardrobe, toy boxes and a bookshelf made to match the cot. Liam suggested a light blue carpet, maybe Man City blue. Pictures of teddy's, flowers and birds on the walls would break up the solid colour on the walls.
Liam circled stuff while Noel wrote things down.
Just as they finished Katie began to cry. They spent the rest of the day taking turns cuddling, playing and reading too her. Liam actually got Noel to change her nappy, which was hilarious to watch. Noel holding his nose, retching, taking four attempts to get the nappy on. Noel felt uncomfortable when it came to cleaning her.
"Liam shouldn't it be a woman cleaning her? You know what I mean"
"It's fine, don't worry about it. I mean think about it mam did it all for us when were babies plus I'm the only one here to do it, it's not dodgy I'm her dad, you're her uncle, she doesn't have a mam to do it"
"Aye good point. It's funny we never think of that with single mum's, single mum's are normal, we never think of single dad's their not really talked about. I guess I never think about that side of it, when I think of you, never think how it's not seen as normal or talked about, you know"
"Ah it's fine, it's a thing, a label I'm uncomfortable with but it's what I am. I'm a rock star, a singer I'm still them things but now I'm also a single dad"
Noel smiled with a half laugh and picked up a book, it was his turn to read.
It was getting late so Liam put Katie to bed, Noel got them a beer out and they sat down.
"God Liam no wonder you're tired, must be hard for you to do that on your own. Probably be a good idea to get someone to come over every few days to give you a break maybe me, Maggie, Dave and some of Kelly's family and friends"
"Aye I'm setting that up when we come back from tour"
"Good. Anyway I better get home Meg wants to watch a movie. You could get some sleep while she's sleeping plus you can get some food"
Noel stood up and went in the bedroom to say goodbye to Katie, he looked around Liam's room the drawer on the bedroom table was open a bit, Liam was in the bathroom so Noel decided to have a quick check for drugs. He began raking around in the drawer, there wasn't any drugs but he found a ring box, Liam must have got himself a new ring, he opened the box to have a look. Inside was a delicate gold diamond ring, an engagement ring, it was obviously intended for Kelly. Looking at it broke Noel's heart, he hadn't realised how much Liam loved her, how he felt about her. He felt bad Liam felt he couldn't tell him about this, especially after she died.
He came out the bedroom to find Liam on the settee.
"Alright bro, I'll call you tomorrow. Get some food and get some sleep"
"See ya"
Noel left feeling concerned and down, what he'd found had put a downer on a nice day.
Liam was happy with how the day had went, now he just had to wait for Maggie's call"