A image can cover so much pain (oasis/Liam Gallagher)

Fucking Shit, I'm screwed

Liam walked to the fridge, grabbed a beer, took an ashtray off the drainers, dried it and headed back to the living room. He sat down lit a cigarette and opened the beer. He really hadn't thought about anything past the next five minutes. He really just wanted to get so out of it he couldn't think, he cut some lines out on the table. Soon there was a pile of empty cans and bottles and he couldn't see properly, everything was blurred, he'd gone through most of his coke and his brain was running around in circles. The part of him that could still think clearly was telling him to ring Sandy or Dave but the other part just kept telling him that there was no point. He was angry, the whole situation was fucked up he picked up a bottle and threw it across the room. He couldn't stay here thinking, at the end of the day it was simple he wasn't good enough, he was useless, no way would he be allowed around a child, Kelly would leave him, bring the kid up, meet someone and they would become the kids father. Liam would never be involved, he probably wouldn't even meet the kid, so why the hell were they doing the whole dance of talking about things. He couldn't sit just going through all this. He got up, went to his bedroom got a pair of jeans, a good shirt, had a shave and did his hair. Looking in the mirror he smiled, damn he looked good, fuck all this shit I can get anyone I want. Kelly doesn't know what she is losing, she's lucky as hell to have had me. Walking out to the living room he dropped the rest of the coke in his pocket, got a jacket and headed out, his plan for the night was a pub, then a club and get drunk and high plus hopefully a few birds to choose from or maybe if he can't choose one he'll just have a few he was pretty good at sex in club or pub toilets and they never argue.
He headed into the heart of London and found somewhere that was a pub during the day then opened up the lower level to become a club later on. He'd been In before and knew it was a good place to have a crazy night he walked up to the door two bouncers stood there smoking and watching people coming and going. Liam went to push open the doors when one of the bouncers stopped him.
"We don't allow trainers"
Liam looked up
"Do you know who I am?
The bouncer looked at him blankly, then the other one spoke
"Liam Gallagher from oasis, I'm very sorry my mate here isn't up on current music and has just moved to this venue."
He opened the doors to let Liam in. He loved using the do you know who I am line it made him feel important. He chose a seat near the back and about two minutes after a sat down a barmaid came over
"What can I get you Liam?"
"Pint of carlsburg, double jack and coke thanks"
She headed off to get his drinks. Liam looked around, he recognised quite a few people from parties, events, nights out etc but he couldn't remember names it didn't really matter people never cared if he had forgotten their names.
He watched the barmaid as she walked back and forth getting people's drinks, one of the reasons he liked this place was how the barmaids were dressed, red mini skirts that barely covered their bums, low cut strappy tops, fishnets and high heels. The one he was watching had long blonde hair and a perfect figure. He checked his watch, he had plenty of time to have some fun before the club opened. He called her over for more drinks
"Hey darling can I get same again? And how about if ya got a break coming up you can join me or maybe come to the club bit tonight if ya not working? We can have a bit of fun"
She smiled at him
"Well I do have half hour break in ten mins, I'm working the first hour of the club but I'll join ya after"
She winked at she went to get the drinks.
Liam was in there he thought, hopefully it was gonna be a good night. The barmaid came back with the drinks he downed the jack.
"So is it ya break now?"
"I could start it early"
She giggled as she sat down. Liam decided they only had a short amount of time so he wasn't gonna waste it so just pulled her straight into a kiss while running his hand up her thigh and under her skirt. There was no argument from her as she began to feel him up through his jeans. Liam leaned in
"Wanna take this somewhere more private? From what I remember the girls toilets are pretty nice"
"You don't waste time but then again neither do I"
She took his hand and they headed to the back corridor, there was people in but no one cared when they came through the door and headed to a cubicle. Seconds after they looked the door Liam had her up against the wall and was pulling her knickers down as she unfastened his jeans, before they knew it she had her legs wrapped around him and he was inside her, the cubicle walls rattling, neither of them cared how much noise they were making and it didn't seem that anyone else cared either as people were still coming in and out to use the toilet. After she put her knickers on, he fastened his jeans, they walked back through to the bar, she smiled and went back to work without saying a word.
Liam got a few more drinks and headed downstairs when the club opened, he hadn't even been there for half an hour before he had about fifteen people around him. He felt good the drinks were free, people kept offering him drugs, girls were flirting with him, at least six of them would shag him no questions asked. The barmaid came over she'd changed into a black miniskirt, black low cut top, stockings and knee high boots. As the drink and drugs kept flowing he found himself completely out of it, he'd made his way through five girls and was now standing on a table, the dj thought it would be funny to play an oasis song so standing on the table, using a beer bottle as a microphone he treated everyone to him singing along like a drunk doing karaoke.
Everyone was just having a good time, laughing, drinking and dancing. Liam got dragged off by a girl, by this point he'd lost count of how many but wasn't arguing. They were in the cubicle kissing, her hand down his pants then all of a sudden his brain seemed to wake up. What was he doing? His thoughts drifted to Kelly, how he was just proving how useless, irresponsible and how much of a cunt he was. He'd zoned out from what was going on but even though he couldn't see or feel it he was still kissing the girl but it had progressed to no knickers and his pants around his ankles, he knew he was having sex but couldn't feel anything, he was just empty.
Walking back into the main club he went straight to the main bar, asked for a bottle of jack and told the barman to leave the lid on, he planned to drink it on the way home. He left without saying anything, they were probably too drunk to miss him anyway. He pulled his collar up and stepped out into the rain. Once he got out of the busy area he opened the bottle of jack and began to walk aimlessly through the deserted streets most of the houses were quiet only a few had lights on, as he turned a corner the sound of someone crying broke the silence he looked around, squinting so he could see better. As he came level to a house he noticed a young girl sitting on the steps crying he pushed open the gate
"You alright love?"
She jumped
"Nothing, I'm ok just cold"
"Cold don't make you cry"
She looked at him as if she was trying to suss him out, see if he had a agenda.
"Just a fight with my boyfriend, my parents are at my aunts and I forgot my key so I can't get in"
"Well you can't sit out here in the rain, I'm sure we can find a way in"
He walked up the path and began to look through the windows, the girl stood up and walked to where Liam was, he noticed she was shivering so took off his jacket
"Here put this on till we find a way in, let's try round the back"
They walked round and Liam began to check the windows, the house was old so it wasn't long before he found a loose one. He looked around and found a bit of discarded metal.
"This will do"
He began to push it under the window frame and loosened it enough to get to the catch before long he had it open.
"There ya go, want me to give you a lift up so you can get in?"
"Thanx, you didn't even break anything makes me think you've done it before"
"When I was younger I did it a few times I was a bit of a bad boy"
He laughed so did she
"When I get in I can open the door if you fancy a coffee, get warmed up, dry yourself off a bit and we could drink a bit of that jack"
He looked down, the jack, half drank was sitting on the step he'd forgotten about it. He was quite proud he'd managed to break in when he was that drunk plus the drugs still running around his brain. At least he'd found one thing he was good at, not that it was any use in his situation
"Aye sure why not"
He lifted her up and she climbed through, after about five minutes of banging and clattering the back door opened.
"Come on then. I'll put the heating on and we've got a fire in the living room. I'll hang your coat near it so it dries" He followed her through to the living room and sat down, she disappeared for a minute and came back with a towel then lit the fire and hung his coat next to it.
"I'll put the kettle on"
She walked back to the kitchen leaving Liam to think, the heat from the fire was making him tired, the drugs were wearing off, he didn't even know why he was sat here, really he should have just helped her get in the house and continued walking and drinking. He looked at the pictures on the fire place, one stood out it was the girl in a school uniform. He shouted through to her
"Hey how old are you?"
"Does it matter?"
She came and put the coffee in front of him
"Just that photo looks recent"
"I'm three months short of seventeen what's the problem? I'm pretty sure you were drinking well before you were seventeen"
"It's not that, I don't give a fuck if you drink just not really a good idea for a drunk, high and older guy to be sitting here when you're alone, obviously I'm not gonna do owt but some guys would"
"What happens if I fancy a bit of it?"
She said with a cheeky grin
"I'm gonna have this coffee and I'm gonna go. Don't let anyone else in"
She looked disappointed, Liam wondered if her attitude had played a part in her argument with her boyfriend. He finished his coffee, put his coat back on, picked up the bottle of jack and lit a cigarette as he walked out of the door, it was still raining. He just continued walking and drinking, he knew he'd end up home at some stage, even if he didn't notice he was heading that way.
He fell through his front door, he was surprised he'd actually been able to open it, he kicked it shut and just lay where he fell, he closed his eyes and prayed he couldn't open them again. Slowly Liam opened his eyes, his mouth was dry he needed some water, he pulled himself onto his hands and knees, he tried to focus his eyes and began to crawl to the kitchen, getting there he then realised he would have to stand up in order to get a glass and run the tap. Slowly he began to pull himself up, it must have taken him five or ten minutes but once he was standing he realised he had an awful headache. He filled two pint glasses with water and took them one at a time through to the living room, he couldn't carry two cos he'd probably fall over if he did. as he went to sit down he noticed the empty bottle of jack, there must have been a tiny bit left in it when he got in as there was a stain on the carpet, he hadn't put the lid on so it had been dripping for however long he'd been lying there, he picked it up and put it on the coffee table. He managed to drink one glass of water in just a few minutes it did actually make him feel a bit better, he just looked at the second one. He sat there staring for about ten minutes, then suddenly just threw the empty bottle of jack off the wall.
Liam couldn't get his head around his situation he knew whatever decision that was made he was screwed because at the end of the day he would be a father which he knew he'd be shite at, even if she didn't want him involved he was still responsible for it and if she got rid of it he would have to deal with the fallout from that, plus what if the press found out, that would cause a multitude of problems he didn't even want to think about. He was fucked no matter what.
He was sitting thinking about his life, about how  screwed up it was, all the bad things, the massive arguments with Noel, the press harassment, the good things, the fun times with Noel, the fans who worship him, good times with the band and friends. His life was like his head, all over the place, so many different parts of his brain fighting with each other, nothing made sense. He couldn't look after himself so how could he look someone else. He wasn't sure if he could carry on like this, his brain fighting with itself was getting tiring, he just seemed to go to the two extremes nothing in between. He looked around like he was trying to look for the answer in his house, then his eyes rested on the broken bottle, he crawled over to it he could only see one way to end the noise in his head, he picked up some bits of glass and crawled back to his seat, he just sat for a while not really sure what he was going to do, he realised he'd zoned out for a bit and subconsciously he'd been at his arms with the glass as he looked down at it his brain shouted at him to just finish the job Liam was getting a headache from it. After a while he decided in order to shut it up he should just listen to it.
He looked down at his arms, his brain started telling him to make sure he got it right this time, he walked to his medicine draw, pulled out all the stuff he had legal and illegal and took them to his seat after going through them he picked out paracetamol, sleeping tablets, coke, and two or three tablets of ecstasy he had left. Mixed the pills up so there was some of each and swallowed them all, set up lines of coke and snorted them all, drank some vodka and took the glass to his wrists. His brain kept saying well done, you've got it this time, just go to sleep you won't wake up. It didn't take long for him to start feeling sleepy, his eyes starting to close he lost his grip on the vodka, slumped to the floor and passed out. The vodka was seeping into the carpet mixing with Liam's blood the house was silent.
Kelly was sitting watching the tv with Karen when suddenly she had this bad feeling, like something was wrong somewhere, she had this feeling of dread it was awful
"Karen I don't feel right, I feel like something's wrong but I can't put my finger on what"
"It will be your hormones they get messed up when you're pregnant"
"No this is different"
She suddenly realised it was Liam she needed to go and see him something was wrong with him.
"I need to go to Liam's it's him something is wrong with him"
Kelly jumped up and got her coat Karen grabbed her car keys, she wasn't going to let Kelly get a taxi. They got in the car thankfully the traffic was light so it didn't take them long Kelly sat in the car trying to compose herself, would Liam think she was crazy if she went in there all panicked and he was just sitting there having a drink and watching tv. She got out the car and they walked to the door, got out her keys, she nervously opened the door as Kelly took a breath Karen noticed Liam on the floor.
"Shit Kelly he's over there on the floor"
They both ran over, Karen turned him over and checked his pulse
"Kelly call an ambulance he's still breathing, tell them he's out cold looks like he's taken a bunch of pills and cut his wrists tell them to hurry"
Kelly ran to the phone and dialled
"What's your emergency?"
"My boyfriend he's taken some pills and cut his wrists he's unconscious he's breathing I don't know how long he's been like this just send an ambulance now like now please don't let him die"
She was crying and found it hard to say Liam's address, she hung up and burst into tears. Karen was desperately trying to help Liam she had wrapped towels around his wrists and splashed water over him hoping to bring him round but it wasn't working, she turned him on his side and began to see if she could work out what pills he'd taken. The ambulance arrived fast and quickly began to get Liam ready to go on the ambulance
"Do you know what pills he has taken? Any idea how long he may have been like this? Does he use illegal drugs?"
"All we know is what boxes are on the table, we have no idea how long he's been like this. He uses cocaine, weed, the odd bit of ecstasy and speed in the past he's done lsd but don't think he does anymore his main thing is cocaine"
They rushed off blue lights and sirens. Kelly was still crying and shaking Karen put her arm around Kelly.
"Don't worry we'll follow in the car"
Even though Karen was driving as fast as she was allowed it still felt like it took ages. When they got there Kelly ran in, she didn't know where Liam was, where had they taken him, if he was still alive. She ran over to the desk.
"My boyfriend was brought in by ambulance like it must have only been five or ten minutes ago I don't know where he is, can you tell me where he is?
"Are you next of kin?"
"Well no, I guess that would be his mam or brother, but his mam's in Manchester and he's not speaking to his brother I'm the only one who knows he's here"
"Are you named as someone who can be involved in his medical care?"
"For fucks sake I don't know, I need to know what's going on just tell me"
"What's his name and I'll have a look"
"Liam Gallagher, sorry his birth name is William John Paul Gallagher"
The receptionist began to type on her computer
"Your not named except his family the only person named is Dave Edwards you would have to call one of them. The only thing I can tell you is that he was brought in and is currently in surgery"
Kelly turned to Karen and began to cry, Karen took her over to a seat
"Calm down you know he's still alive that's a good thing. Do you have Dave's number? He's the best person to call and you have to calm down your pregnant think of the baby"
"I've got Dave's number, it's in the diary in my bag will you call him? Please?"
"Ok I'll call him"
Karen got the diary and headed over to the phone, she had no idea what to say she didn't know him, he didn't know her, she wasn't even sure he knew she existed, why would Liam mention her to him but she had to do this. She picked up the phone and put in his number, a woman answered.
"Hello"
"Hi could I speak to Dave please? It's important, it's about Liam"
"That idiot again, I'll just get him"
Karen guessed Dave's wife must not like Liam very much maybe he caused too many problems
"Hi Dave here, what's Liam done now? Who are you?
"I'm Karen a friend of Kelly's Liam is in the hospital obviously they won't tell Kelly anything so they said to ring you. Look it's serious he's in a bad way and it's not good for Kelly to be panicking and not know what's happening not with what's going on with her. So I don't know maybe you should get down here or see if you can get them to tell her what's happening"
Dave sighed what had Liam done now will
"Ok I'll head over it should take me about fifteen minutes"
He hung up the phone. He really should have asked more questions, more details on who she was and what Liam had done but he couldn't be bothered he'd find out when he got there. He was getting his coat when his wife came over.
"What's that idiot done now? I don't know why you do this job, not with him."
"I love my job, I know Liam can be a pain but he's not as bad as people make out, I've gotta go"
Kelly and Karen sat in the waiting room, every minute felt like an hour eventually the doors opened as Dave walked in, he saw Kelly and went over Karen introduced herself as he sat down
"Ok tell me what you know and then I'll go to the desk"
"We went over, found him unconscious he'd cut his arms and wrists, taken god knows how many pills and he'd been drinking. All we know is when they brought him in they took him into surgery"
Dave sighed what has set him off this time, is it a random thing, will he be ok here goes to find out.
"Hi I'm looking for information on Liam Gallagher you told his girlfriend to phone me as I'm named as someone you can give information too. I want to be told everything"
The nurse told Dave Liam was still in surgery and she'd get a doctor to come and speak to him when they could. He walked back over to where Kelly and Karen were sitting, Kelly was still crying.
"They said they would get a doctor to come and speak to me when they can, apparently he's still in surgery. Have you any idea what kicked him off? This is not good, they are booked into the studio, he's got a tour coming up. If it's something I can deal with I need to do that. If it's random I need to get him into therapy, fast"
The girls looked at him, not sure what to say. Karen spoke first
"I think it could be the situation with Kelly that kicked him off but he's missed having you around too. I know he went home to Manchester for a bit but not sure how that went"
Dave knew Karen was speaking for Kelly as she was so upset. It was strange usually a trip home and time with his mum cheered Liam up.
"Ok what is this situation with you and him?"
Dave addressed Kelly directly
"Have you had a fight?, broke up?, has he cheated on you?"
Kelly wiped her eyes and looked at him, she knew she had to tell him the truth.
"No we haven't broken up, as far as I know he hasn't cheated on me, we did have a, well not exactly a argument but we had words but it was about the fact that I'm pregnant"
Dave couldn't believe it, this was a problem he'd considered when he was thinking of situations the band could get themselves into, it was one he didn't want to deal with. Though this wasn't as bad as it could be at least he was in a relationship with Kelly and it wasn't a random fan he'd slept with on tour or something.
"Right well we can deal with that when we know what's going on with him. Obviously that set him off, he's probably been out drinking etc and just crashed when he got home. So once we know he's ok we can look at what to do"
Kelly didn't like the way Dave had spoke about things, it seemed he just saw it as a problem that needed to be dealt with and fixed.
Eventually a doctor came out and the receptionist pointed him over to where Dave, Kelly and Karen were sitting.
"Dave would you like to come through"
Dave stood up and pointed at Kelly and Karen
"I want these two to come with me, this is Liam's girlfriend and her best friend"
The doctor nodded and the followed him through to a side room.
"I'm not going to lie this is serious so I'm not going to beat around the bush we had to rush him to surgery, find a way to clear his stomach and stitch him up, we nearly lost him twice. He can't go on like this I've looked at his records this is the fifth time but is definitely the most serious if he hadn't have been found when he was he would be dead and by that I mean even fifteen minutes later, it seems therapy is planned each time but the arrangements never seem to come together so I want him committed and I don't care about tours, interviews etc he can miss them because if we leave it any longer he may not be alive to do the next tour. Now he's in recovery, he's not conscious but once he is we will move him to a room he will be monitored there for a couple of days in which time you can see him but once he is moved to the mental health facility I don't want any visitors, he needs to concentrate on his therapy and hopefully that will get him back to the band quicker. The one thing I will need you to keep an eye on is his drinking and drug use."
Dave knew that would be easier said than done.