𝙃𝙚𝙧 𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙤𝙩𝙩𝙚𝙣 𝙋𝙖𝙨𝙩 || Eren Jaeger

𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓇𝓊𝓂𝒷𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 (𝒱𝐼𝐼)

22

----

I'll never forget the sight of the explosion; the port going up in smoke and fire, erasing not only the coast's outline but Commander Magath's existence, too. The kids were devastated.

Pieck put their unconsolable little hearts to rest downstairs in the bunkers. Not that it would help. They'd soon wake up to even worse news.

"What do you mean, its gone?" Annie screams at Hanji.

Her whole frame shakes, wanting retribution, unsure whether she should punch someone or combust into little smithereens of despair. Jean and Connie hold her back by the arms just in case. Hanji trades knowing glances with Miss Kyomi and focuses again on Annie, trying to be compassionate.

"Magath and us decided we'd go straight from here to Odiha. There's no other options." Hanji says regretfully, "We're too late to save Liberio now. At this point, its all gone."

We process the silence that follows this predictable yet gut-wrenching news. I chase it with some brandy I found stowed away in a random storage compartment. The bottle kisses my lips, setting fire to my throat and rushing to that special, sweet space at the forefront of my head, dulling, flat-lining my thoughts, but it only lasts a second. Quickly it's gone. And nothing has changed at all.

I predict the words that are about to leave Annie's mouth, and I am right.

"Then... there's no reason for me to keep fighting anymore." She has dropped to the floor, weak. The weight of this shattering realization is anchoring her down, and for a moment she shrugs, almost smiling at how simple the world has suddenly turned.

"I'm getting off." She states matter-of-factly.

Hanji squares her shoulders resolutely, "Magath knew that even if the Rumbling stopped right now at this very moment, Liberio would still be a hopeless case. "Regardless, he gave up his life. Not for the sake of Liberio or Marley, but so that we could save at the very least, one more life of a stranger. A stranger he'll never even know."

"With all due respect, that's irrelevant." I intervene, seeing right through Annie's thoughts. "We still don't have an answer to her question. The question this all boils down to--" I take another sip and let my hand and the bottle drop to my side, leaning against the wall. "Can we kill Eren?"

"Exactly." Annie faces us all. "If I tried to kill Eren, could all of you sit back and watch? Cause..." Her eyes well with tears, and I'm somewhat astonished. The last time I saw her cry... was perhaps back in the forest. So many years ago. After she killed the Levi Squad and her attempt to kidnap Eren failed. I remember the fat tears rolling down the skinless, cheekbone of her Titan's face. What a spectacle it was to see a titan cry for the first time.

Now as her lip quivers and she tries to hold it together, I'm transported back to that day.

"Cause...." She explains, "I'm tired of fighting you guys. I don't want for us to end up at each other's throats again."

We look at each other morosely, run-down by the endlessness of this bitter war. Nobody here is a natural born killer. Nobody here actually wants to kill each other.

And yet...

Flashes of what happened in that scary dimension two nights ago run through my mind. The way Eren cried, the chilling imperceptible stare of that little Ymir girl, the form in which the bullet kept sinking deeper in my organs.

None of us, no soldier in uniform or civilian coping with their grief through revenge, wants to kill people. And yet,

somebody's going to kill me.