Remembering You- Zarry AU

Chapter 21:- Two wrongs make no right(Present)

March 25,

When we lived together in the apartment I had some of the best times of my life. All of them are obviously with you. I never told you but I used to wake up before you just so I can see you sleeping peacefully your head on my chest, my hands in your hair, you snore so bad babe, I don't think anyone can sleep properly next to you. But all I ever wanted was to be next to you, always. I know we went through a lot to get to this point in life. Your apartment was our haven.

It was a stupid thing babe, you know I would never do that to you. You are my everything. If you just talked to me that day, if you didn't run away from me, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad today. Don't take me wrong I am not trying to blame you 'cause it's all my fault I did this to us. I broke your heart and misplaced your trust. If I hadn't done that maybe you would still have some faith in me. Faith in us.

I was stupid enough to think I could handle it on my own, I should have talked to you and told you everything. Theo kept contacting me and I just didn't want to upset you but I guess I just did that. I tried to make him believe that there was nothing going on between us and that there will be nothing ever. Because it's you. It's always you. You took my heart, you are the one who occupies all of it. There was never space for anyone. Since the moment I saw you, I was done for, ruined for anyone else.

I am all for you.

I know we messed around since high school but you are the one thing I could never ever live without. When you left my dorm that day, it was like you took a part of me with you that day. I was never whole again. I know it's shallow but I think I dived into a relationship with Theo just so I could forget you. That's why I felt guilty, and that is the only reason I went to see him, to admit what I could never before. It was just that.

I can't help but blame myself and think maybe it's what I deserve. It's only fitting since I brought nothing but pain into your life maybe that's why you didn't remember me. You remembered everyone else babe except me. I still remember that day when you walked out of my dorm you said you wish you could forget me. You said you didn't wanna remember me.

You got your wish babe, maybe that's why I agreed to do what your mom said. For once in my life, I wanted to do something for you and not be selfish to keep you by my side forever. So I erased myself from your life, it's been weeks you still don't remember me but I can see you are happy.

I want to say I am happy for you I am babe, but there is a part of me that's jealous too. I am extremely jealous when you laugh and I am not the reason behind it, jealous when you want a shoulder to cry on and I am not there. Jealous because I don't get to take care of you when you need me the most.

'You always make the bad memories go away' that's what you used to tell me all the time. Do you remember babe? I should have told you the same because that's how it's for me too. You inspire me to be a better person. You always did.

I have a lot of regrets in my life babe, all the things that I wasn't brave enough to tell you. I have a list actually and I am gonna let you know what's the top of that list.

I am in love with you.

I know I never said it, but you are the absolute fucking love of my life. Now you will never remember me.

You said you will never forget me, babe. Please remember me then, please remember me, please remember me.

I love you, babe. I love you. I love you so much. I will always be in love with you Harry.

-Zayn

Harry cannot remember the last time he cried so much, actually, he does. It was when he left Zayn's room. And he thought nothing ever could come close to that. But God, he was so so wrong. Reading Zayn's journal just proved him wrong. There was this unsettling feeling in his chest that something was wrong when everybody showed up at their apartment after he met Allison.