𝗕𝗨𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘

𝟭𝟲. 𝗦𝗵𝗶𝗿𝘁

It's been a rough week.

From the halloween party to the boxing ring and all the other things I can't even remember in between, all I know is that I'm exhausted.

The doorbell rings for the third time this half hour, I shuffle towards the door dressed in nothing but Graysons shirt from that night at his house (think I was meant to give it back weeks ago but he hasn't reminded me since, so I'm claiming it as mine now.)

Hoping they can't see through the thin material barely keeping my body warm, I peep my head around the door and grab the parcel quickly. It's another one for Kaylee because it's her birthday on Thursday, unlucky for me since that means another night of partying and getting drunk but it's not my right to argue, it's her birthday therefore her rules.

I throw the cardboard box onto the pile I have accumulated on the couch, pretty sure the one just delivered was some new GHD straighteners. I refuse to use her seven year old ones any longer, they turn fresh hair to grease; even the thought makes me feel sick.

Considering it's already Tuesday and I've only wrapped a quarter of the presents, I get the paper out again, hoping it'll stop my mind from re-playing the same scene over and over again in my head; the one with me Grayson and words with a heavy weight of truth.

I felt like a bitch rejecting him that day, but I don't think he will ever understand how much more it hurt me to have to say no to something so good.

Except, it wouldn't be good will it? For some reason nothing ever is, nothing is as it seems when it comes to me—all sobstory aside— it's the truth.  Pain and misery is all I've ever known because something always goes wrong.

I've learnt to have absolutely zero expectations for everything and everyone. They say the less you believe in someone the less it will hurt when they exceed those expectations. Don't aim for the sky when your fingers barely scratch the clouds, or something along those lines.

Maybe it would be different if he just admitted his feelings without the kiss, pretty sure it would be a million times easier to push his words to the back of my mind too, but God I can't. His taste lingers like the muggy June air, and there's nothing I can do to wash it away.

A sneak peak of heaven, a touch of eudaimonia, a dip into an ocean of love before the water turns cold, and you feel nothing but hate.

I drop the tape and groan into the empty house before picking it back up, and placing another small square of sticky tape onto the top of this Rene Caovilla box. Inside is one of the most beautiful pair of heels I've ever seen. Kaylee's been obsessed with the brand ever since she first layed eyes on their iconic snake heels, they're not completely my style but I'd be a fool not to appreciate their beauty.

The sound of my phone ringing almost sends my soul into another dimension since I was so lost in the depths of thoughts. I pick it up off the coffee table to see Amy's name glowing on the screen. I catch my breath and answer to find out what she could want at this time.