𝗕𝗨𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘

𝟱𝟮. 𝗜𝘀𝗹𝗮

The alarm clock to my right reads 6:12 AM. A time I don't think I've seen for months, but I suppose any numbers greater than five are acceptable on Christmas morning. The 25th of December and I feel fucking morbid. Seriously, I haven't felt such a pang of emptiness in a while. Of course the bitch would choose to show up today out of them all.

I take a quick peak over to Grayson. Still out like a light, completely still so I make sure not to move or he'll feel it thanks to the arm he somehow manages to keep around me almost all night. I'm sure one of the girls will set off the domino effect by bursting in one of our bedrooms soon, so I'll let him sleep for now.

The ceilings here aren't like the ones in my bedroom; or Graysons or Kaylees for that matter. They've got wooden beams going in almost all directions. A white ceiling behind them all, some of the beams seem to be painted a shade darker than others. But maybe that's just me staring too hard, or not well enough.

There's a strange heaviness in my chest. Perhaps it's the absence of my mother, maybe my dad too -though he's still here but not quite. Maybe it's knowing little me wouldn't care who's asleep, or what time it was, the minute she'd have regained consciousness the whole family would know.

I'm not sure why I still care -or why memories like that make me feel so upset- all these years later. I don't do that anymore because I am so far from that little girl. It's heartbreaking but it's reality and it's a normal phase of life, I need to let go. But she's still in here somewhere, maybe I'm afraid that If I let go I'll lose her forever.

Snap out of it.

I look over to Grayson. My hope in the form of a man too pretty for the amount of tattoos that come with it. He's here, I'll be ok.

I did attempt to catch another hour of sleep, but my sister was the one that cut that short about half way. I woke up to the living figure of Britain gently tapping my shoulder as Amy and Bella's voices morphed into one big murmur of noise in the background.

Grayson complained that it was too early when he hadn't even opened his eyes to know the time yet. I pushed Darcy out of my face and told her I'll be down once I've brushed my teeth, to which she reluctantly agreed.

By the time I had, Grayson was still fast asleep as if none of that had just happened. So I did what anyone would have after he continued to ignore my orders to get up: I launched myself back onto the bed and jumped like it was a trampoline, sparking the connection with my inner child once more.

"Right tha-

I leaped off the bed and ran for the stairs before he could finish that sentence, grab my legs, or whatever else it was I saw him planning to do. The footsteps falling quickly behind me cause me to speed up, but despite the effort it's still only ten to seven in the morning. He caught me.

"How old are you, Hampton? Jumping on the bed huh?" I can't answer, all I can project is a string of squeals as the arm around my waist tightens, and I'm spun around.