𝗕𝗨𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘

𝗜𝗻 𝗮 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗲..

BEAU ON THE BRIDGE:

My jacket falls from it's place on my shoulders, and I watch as it forms a pile on the ground. The water below me is still gushing, my eyes continue to stream and my intentions for being here are still burning as bright a ever.

I think I've just re-lived the last 18 years of my life through my thoughts, I think I was ready to go until I remembered him.

Grayson is the reason I'm still here. He's saved me more times than I could have ever imagined in the last 8 months we've known each other. He's been my anchor, my lifeline, my light throughout all the dark.

To put it simply, I dumped the pieces of myself I'd broken into his hands, and time after time he only ever remoulded me. Each occasion, including another small part of himself to make up for the pieces I'd lost along the way. No one's ever loved me the way Grayson loved me-loves me. No one has ever heard my story and viewed me with an eye of strength instead of pity.

Nobody holds me the way he does when I no longer feel like the strong woman he tells me I am, when I want to crawl back into the arms of another lover whos affection is laced with damage; when I want to relapse, when I want to never take a breath again. As soon as he embraces me into a world of warmth and cologne, I lose all those thoughts as they evaporate into his honey toned skin and large muscles.

And although he may have been the initial cause, Grayson was the one who saved me that night in my bathroom. He came back for me, he kicked that door down and he did every last thing in his power to get me the help I was in urgent need of. He's just a beautiful boy with eyes to match his name and a chest of ink. He's just a boy that would still look at me the same after I've told him whether I do or don't have a stupid little disorder.

And amongst all of the other things Grayson would do for me, I know neglecting me to a world of pain was never among them. So I pick up my jacket, I let go of the rails, and I walk back home to a boy I know not even death could tear me from, and I finally get the help I so desperately need.

Because that could have been the last attempt. Death should have won on that bridge, but they say that love burns stronger than hate. And the only thing that could outweigh my hatred towards this agonising earth, is my love for that boy.

__ __ __

Major flash forward.
Song: Je te laisserez (optional)

It felt like I had only just shut my eyes when something tapped on my shoulder-continuously- like a small nudge without enough power to move me by itself. Tap, tap, tap. It feels light and sweet and very much like the small hand belonging to my daughter.

"Charlotte." I rip my eyes open, heart beating. I've never been good with abrupt wake ups, it immediately instills a sense of panic in me. Not even after 11 years and three kids have I gotten used to the startled mornings, so clearly, I never will.

"Finly, mummy. I been tapping!" Lotties pretty face fills my view and my desire for sleep immediately vanishes. Soft blonde hair flys in all directions across her face, her fathers eyes that will soon turn to my brown ones just like her sisters did, are maintaining a strong contact with mine. I allow her tiny hand to slip in mine as I sit up and hear what's causing her grief this morning.

"What is it darling?" I pick her up and carefully plonk her besides me in Graysons vacant spot of our king sized bed, before taking a quick glance towards the window. Light is basically pouring in through our blinds, there's no questioning whether the sun has completely risen yet; I can feel it's warmth heating my cheeks.